Would you end your marriage (or relationship,) if your partner didn't want children?

seven-day-weekend

heuchera wrote: »

Or in short.. marriage is a lifelong commitment to each other. You work things out together.

ABSOLUTELY!!

(Capitals intended).

mumps

heuchera wrote: »

Or in short.. marriage is a lifelong commitment to each other. You work things out together.

I am a Catholic, I could get an annulment on these grounds so not always for life.

seven-day-weekend

mumps wrote: »

I am a Catholic, I could get an annulment on these grounds so not always for life.[/QUOTE
It should be for life between you, regardless of what you can do in either secular or church law. I appreciate this ideal is not always reached, which is why it is necessary to have divorce and annulment, but ideally it should be for life.

euronorris

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes, that is the outcome, either you have them or you don't, but I suppose I was thinking that after having thrashed the subject around, that one or both might not feel it was so much of a compromise and come to a decision that both could live with without pain and heartbreak. For example, maybe the person who didn't want them could be re-assured that having them would not cramp their style, maybe the one who wanted them could come to see that they could still have children in their life even if they didn't have their own. And then make a decision that both could live with.

I think that would only work if either party was more 'on the fence', than actually fixed in their views and feelings.


If you're only concern with having children was 'cramping your style', it's not really a big issue and certainly easy to overcome. If, however, you've never liked children, never harboured a desire to have them, wouldn't want your lifestyle to change in any way, wouldn't want the responsibility or cost etc etc, then I don't think you could, or should, back down on that.


Similarly, if you could be happy with just the other children in your life (such as nieces and nephews for example), then your desire couldn't have been that strong in the first place. I am an aunty to 9, soon to be 10, but there is no way that being an aunty would satisfy my desire to be a parent. I don't know many people for whom it would do.


Neither of the above scenarios come down to love though. They come down to not really having strong desires either way in the first place. That is very different.

mumps

euronorris wrote: »

I think that would only work if either party was more 'on the fence', than actually fixed in their views and feelings.


If you're only concern with having children was 'cramping your style', it's not really a big issue and certainly easy to overcome. If, however, you've never liked children, never harboured a desire to have them, wouldn't want your lifestyle to change in any way, wouldn't want the responsibility or cost etc etc, then I don't think you could, or should, back down on that.


Similarly, if you could be happy with just the other children in your life (such as nieces and nephews for example), then your desire couldn't have been that strong in the first place. I am an aunty to 9, soon to be 10, but there is no way that being an aunty would satisfy my desire to be a parent. I don't know many people for whom it would do.


Neither of the above scenarios come down to love though. They come down to not really having strong desires either way in the first place. That is very different.

My aunt is 82, she never had children. We are very close, I visit her regularly, phone her a couple of times a week. Travelled 200 miles to be with her when the nursing home where my uncle was phoned me to say the end was near. I spent alot of time with her as a child, she was very much a grandmother to my children. She will still cry about the babies she never had. Time hasn't reconciled her to that and other children in her life hasn't solved that.

I think some people just don't get how strong the desire, or need, to have a child can be.

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

mumps wrote: »

I am a Catholic, I could get an annulment on these grounds so not always for life.[/QUOTE
It should be for life between you, regardless of what you can do in either secular or church law. I appreciate this ideal is not always reached, which is why it is necessary to have divorce and annulment, but ideally it should be for life.

Even if it means someone is so unhappy they end of having a breakdown? How loving and ideal.

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes, that is the outcome, either you have them or you don't, but I suppose I was thinking that after having thrashed the subject around, that one or both might not feel it was so much of a compromise and come to a decision that both could live with without pain and heartbreak. For example, maybe the person who didn't want them could be re-assured that having them would not cramp their style, maybe the one who wanted them could come to see that they could still have children in their life even if they didn't have their own. And then make a decision that both could live with.

What if both are equally convinced of their position, one might hate the idea of having children not because of cramping their style but because of some deep seated fear or belief and the other is absolutely desperate to have their own child? What if there isn't a decision they can both live with?

seven-day-weekend

euronorris wrote: »

I think that would only work if either party was more 'on the fence', than actually fixed in their views and feelings.


If you're only concern with having children was 'cramping your style', it's not really a big issue and certainly easy to overcome. If, however, you've never liked children, never harboured a desire to have them, wouldn't want your lifestyle to change in any way, wouldn't want the responsibility or cost etc etc, then I don't think you could, or should, back down on that.


Similarly, if you could be happy with just the other children in your life (such as nieces and nephews for example), then your desire couldn't have been that strong in the first place. I am an aunty to 9, soon to be 10, but there is no way that being an aunty would satisfy my desire to be a parent. I don't know many people for whom it would do.


Neither of the above scenarios come down to love though. They come down to not really having strong desires either way in the first place. That is very different.

It was a big issue for me!! My sister tried to convince me that they didn't cramp your style (she was wrong!). However, we decided we didn't want to go through life childless, so decided to put up with our style being cramped for a few years

seven-day-weekend

mumps wrote: »

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Even if it means someone is so unhappy they end of having a breakdown? How loving and ideal.

No, I said divorce and annulment were sometimes necessary. I appreciate things do not always work out.

The IDEAL is that marriage is for life, sometimes things don't live up to the ideal, anything can go wrong and anyone can make a mistake.

seven-day-weekend

mumps wrote: »

What if both are equally convinced of their position, one might hate the idea of having children not because of cramping their style but because of some deep seated fear or belief and the other is absolutely desperate to have their own child? What if there isn't a decision they can both live with?

I would like to still think that they could come to a decision between them, without breaking the marriage. up. Maybe I am an idealist.