Would you end your marriage (or relationship,) if your partner didn't want children?

Petra_70

Danielle Lineker (nee Bux,) and Gary Lineker have just announced they are to divorce after 6 years, and the crux of the problem seems to be that he doesn't want any more children (he has four I think, from a previous relationship. Dani has one.)

Dani wanted a baby with Gary, but he said no as he thinks he is too old.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/12096442/Gary-Lineker-and-his-wife-to-divorce-because-hes-too-old-to-start-another-family.html

I would have thought that they would have/should have discussed this WAAAAAY before they got married, but still, it's out there now, and it's destroyed their marriage. Maybe she knew it before, and hoped he would change his mind, but the upshot is that he didn't want babies with her, and it has finished the marriage.

So if YOU wanted babies, and after getting married, your spouse announced they didn't want children, would that be a dealbreaker? Would you leave them?

Guest101

I think he's got a valid point, given he's 56 and would be in his 70's if the child decided to go to uni. He'd hardly be the most active dad, even if he kept in shape.


there's a time to have kids and his has passed.

Alikay

Heck, this is such a biggie that I can't understand how you'd have ever got married without sorting it out. There are less clean cut scenarios such as wanting children and one partner being infertile but not willing to consider options like gamete donation or adoption, dramatic changes of mind etc but I tend to think there must be other issues in the marriage too, otherwise I expect some kind of agreement would be reached.

Petra_70

Guest101 wrote: »

I think he's got a valid point, given he's 56 and would be in his 70's if the child decided to go to uni. He'd hardly be the most active dad, even if he kept in shape.


there's a time to have kids and his has passed.

I kind of agree,... but would you leave your partner if they refused to have children when you wanted them?

Pollycat

Petra_70 wrote: »

I kind of agree,... but would you leave your partner if they refused to have children when you wanted them?

For me the question would never arise.

My partner would not be my partner (IYSWIM) if we hadn't agreed early on in the relationship about something so important.

Hermia

Petra_70 wrote: »

I would have thought that they would have/should have discussed this WAAAAAY before they got married, but still, it's out there now, and it's destroyed their marriage. Maybe she knew it before, and hoped he would change his mind, but the upshot is that he didn't want babies with her, and it has finished the marriage.

I have never wanted children and I have found that some people do seem to think childless by choice people will change their mind. Men especially. I have had blokes just ignore what I have said and assume I will want kids. Grrrr!

This is one issue where I think a compromise is just so difficult. If you want kids giving that dream up would be so painful. And if you don't want kids it is a huge thing to take on all that responsibility or even go through pregnancy when it is not something you want. It is probably better to leave whilst you are still young enough to start again with someone who wants kids.

Guest101

Petra_70 wrote: »

I kind of agree,... but would you leave your partner if they refused to have children when you wanted them?

Not an issue for me as I have a child, but sure. I mean I'd leave them for any number of reasons which I would consider fundamental


Whether that's frequency of intimacy, social habits, children, attitude to money, etc etc etc.


If we don't agree on things which are important, and where compromise simply isn't possible - i.e. its not a you do it, but im not involved situation, then that's enough to consider ending it for sure.

heuchera

She was born in '79, so she might think her biological clock is ticking. He's got 4 sons by his former wife, to whom he was married for 20 years. He's also almost 20 years older than his 2nd wife.

All very silly, and a shame it has to be aired in such detail in public. A couple's family planning is no-one else's business, even if it's someone in the public eye.

AubreyMac

I don't get why this was not discussed before marriage too but I guess people can change their minds.


I think if I really wanted children and my partner didn't that would be the end. I've never felt broody but those who have, has told me it is all consuming and you'd 'give up anything' to have a child.


I have a friend who really wanted kids, her hubby wasn't bothered. He wasn't dead against it but just wasn't fussed. She persuaded him to agree to have a child in the end and he is a good dad. But she did say if he was really against it she would consider getting pregnant anyway. When they were dating, she did make clear she wants kids and this was not negotiable. he wanted a family too but much later than when she wanted it.

FBaby

You never know what goes on between two people and it is usually much more complex than 'I want a child, he doesn't, so I'll leave him and go find someone who will'.

Would I have stayed with a man who didn't want children and prevented me to become a mum, however much I loved him, I think my desperation to become a mum who have overshadowed any love. Would I have left the man I loved because I couldn't have a second/third child and he had his good reason for not wanting to or changing their mind (because yes, people can change their mind without planning to do so), then yes, I am almost certain I would have.

steph2901

I think at his age he's sensible to not want to start another family! Maybe she didn't want more kids when they were first together and has since changed her mind, who knows.

When I met my husband, I made it clear I didn't want anymore kids (already have two from previous marriage and he has one from his previous marriage). Luckily we were in agreement as neither of us wanted to start again when we have teenagers.