Would you end your marriage (or relationship,) if your partner didn't want children?

AubreyMac

I knew a couple who agreed to not have children but years later when the female turned 36 and was in a 'now or never' situation she changed her mind. She had to break it off with her partner but I didn't keep in touch with her long enough to find out what she's up to.

I'm sure I do not want kids, and I make this clear when meeting any potential suiters. I'm pretty sure that has put off some men but then I would like a relationship for me, not because I want a sperm donor/provider.

AubreyMac

Different thread perhaps but I think a good question would be 'would you end your relationship if your partner COULDN'T have children'?

One of my friends brother really wanted kids and when he met his wife, who is 5 years older then him (he was 31 & she was 36 then) they married 18 months after meeting and tried for a baby straight away. Due to her age he wanted to get a move on and pretty much nagged her to death about it. First pregnancy resulted in miscarriage and although he loves her, he did say that if he never had his own biological children he believed he would feel upset for the rest of his life. They have kids now thankfully, but I always wondered whether they would have broken up if she was infertile.

Angry_Bear

I can't really imagine how it feels to want children badly, never mind badly enough to give up my partner. That being said, I don't want children strongly enough that there's no way I'd agree to have them even if it was a deal-breaker for my OH.
It's such a fundamental life decision that it's very hard to compromise on so I can't imagine getting far into a relationship without knowing what each other want. But I suppose it's possible that you could agree to start with then one person could change their mind.

Petra_70

Angry_Bear wrote: »

I can't really imagine how it feels to want children badly, never mind badly enough to give up my partner. That being said, I don't want children strongly enough that there's no way I'd agree to have them even if it was a deal-breaker for my OH.
It's such a fundamental life decision that it's very hard to compromise on so I can't imagine getting far into a relationship without knowing what each other want. But I suppose it's possible that you could agree to start with then one person could change their mind.

Yeah I find this weird too. Although obviously - as you said - one of you could change your mind AFTER you got married.

Torry_Quine

Like others I think this should be something discussed before marriage but in this case we don't know if one of them changed their mind. It would never be an isshe for me as we both felt the same.

I think though it is very different if the couple have fertility issues.

duchy

Petra_70 wrote: »

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Bet his ex wife Michelle is popping the champagne tonight, as he left her for Dani, and now the relationship is over.

I hope not that'd mean she hadn't moved on with her life and was stuck in the past.

Seriously it'd be an insecure and bitter woman who'd want to celebrate because her ex has another failed marriage.

System

I'm undecided on whether it would be a deal breaker, i guess if i really really wanted kids and my bf didn't that would be a big enought issue not to marry them.

As it stands i'm completely on the fence. He at this point in time doesn;t want (or like) kids but feel its something you're supposed to do. Me? I feel that's not a good enough reason to have kids. I have bipolar and any pregnancy would be very high risk for me and i'm not willing to essentially risk my life (and potential child's) if he isn;t 100% wanting children. For now we agree that children are something we will discuss in a few years. Neither of us is ready for them yet. I guess i'm hoping in a few years he will know whether he 100% wants them, and if he does and we agree to go into this as a team, then its certainly something i'l want to consider. In my heart i do want kids BUT i am also 100% willing not to have them, if the risk to my health was too great and he wasn't 100%. I can live with that as tbh i just want to be with him, and as long as i have him in my life, i will be happy (with or without kids)

seven-day-weekend

When we were first married, neither of us wanted children. However, we both changed our minds and after nearly ten years had our son (our only child).

However, neither would have left if one of us changed our mind, neither would we have had children. We got married so that we were legally committed to EACH OTHER, not to having children.

I think Mrs Lineker did not love him enough.

(Before someone says why is it her fault, I think if one partner does not want a child then you should not have one, as that is preferable to having a child thatb one of the partnership does not want).

duchy

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

When we were first married, neither of us wanted children. However, we both changed our minds and after nearly ten years had our son (our only child).

However, neither would have left if one of us changed our mind, neither would we have had children. We got married so that we were legally committed to EACH OTHER, not to having children.

I think Mrs Lineker did not love him enough.

(Before someone says why is it her fault, I think if one partner does not want a child then you should not have one, as that is preferable to having a child thatb one of the partnership does not want).

I think you underestimate how strong the urge to have children *can* be -If one or other changes their mind .

If you look at women who have cycle after cycle of IVF , each costing thousands and very hard physically and emotionally - They aren't doing it because they just would like to have a child but because there is a massive biological compulsion in play that overides logic. Certainly a powerful enough compulsion to destroy what was a strong and stable marriage.

I doubt very much with the Linekers if this is the whole story however- especially as they both already have children .

FBaby

So people change and perhaps they do get to a certain age and wish to have their own child.

At one point of my relationship with OH, I was utterly desperate for us to have a child together and was prepared to do anything to that end. 5 years down the line and I can't imagine a worse outcome than getting pregnant!

Things do change because circumstances do. My main reason for my feeling the way I do now is that I battle exhaustion on a daily basis and just can't imagine being able to cope with the demand of a baby and just wouldn't have the energy that is required to raise a child with the values and principles that are essential for me.

Deciding to have a child is not just about wanting one, it's about being able to give the best to the child to be born, something that broodiness tends to make the person forget about!