We're aware that some users are experiencing technical issues which the team are working to resolve. See the Community Noticeboard for more info. Thank you for your patience.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Would you end your marriage (or relationship,) if your partner didn't want children?

Options
1246737

Comments

  • dirty_magic
    dirty_magic Posts: 1,145 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    I think bits different if there are fertility issues because there are usually routes you can try to overcome them, unless it's completely impossible. It's completely different to having opposite views and not even wanting to try.

    I can't see myself ever changing my mind about not wanting children. Everyone keeps telling me I'll change my mind, but I'm nearly 30 now and I still feel completely suffocated at the thought of having something completely dependent on me.

    I couldn't spend every day in the endless routine of feeding, changing and playing baby games.
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    edited 14 January 2016 at 9:30AM
    I think Mrs Lineker did not love him enough.

    (Before someone says why is it her fault, I think if one partner does not want a child then you should not have one, as that is preferable to having a child thatb one of the partnership does not want).

    Or for all we know he implied he might change his mind later or she underestimated how much of a need for another child would affect her as time started to run out .....to say she didn't love him enough is a bit unfair.

    I wasn't in the least bit bothered about having a child until I was very nearly thirty -then suddenly everything changed almost overnight and I had my son a week after my 31st birthday . Although he was planned an awful lot of people assumed he was an accident :D (mind you I didn't expect to get pregnant the first month we tried lol)
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,774 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    edited 14 January 2016 at 10:33AM
    Petra_70 wrote: »
    Bet his ex wife Michelle is popping the champagne tonight, as he left her for Dani, and now the relationship is over.

    I don't know why he left Michelle, but I think she is waaaaaay prettier than Dani.

    Gary-Lineker.jpg
    Aren't the 2 statements in bold contradictory?

    You write that he left his first wife for Dani but then go on to write that you don't know why he left his first wife.

    Are you sure he really did leave his first wife for Dani?
    duchy wrote: »
    I hope not that'd mean she hadn't moved on with her life and was stuck in the past.

    Seriously it'd be an insecure and bitter woman who'd want to celebrate because her ex has another failed marriage.
    I agree - it's a long time ago.
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Hermia wrote: »
    I have never wanted children and I have found that some people do seem to think childless by choice people will change their mind. Men especially. I have had blokes just ignore what I have said and assume I will want kids. Grrrr!

    This is definitely true.

    Loads of men in their twenties and thirties seem to assume that a woman who says she doesn't want kids is either just telling them what they want to hear, or means she doesn't want them right now and will of course change her mind later.

    Its surprisingly hard to find a male partner who genuinely doesn't ever want children. They all seem to have vague romantic ideas about kicking footballs about with little boys without really having to think about the downsides or the hard work involved or the impact on the rest of their lives! I'd actually be far more likely to want children if I could be 'dad'.
  • This subject is sensitive for me as I really don't want kids but I know my DH would like to have them although he says he accepts that I will never want children. I do feel guilty but I can't make myself feel something that I don't. We did discuss it when we first met but we were both younger then and not sure what we'd want in a few years time.
  • DKLS
    DKLS Posts: 13,461 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Its difficult, before I met the good lady Mrs V, and was dating I made it explicitly clear on dates 1 and 2 that if my date was looking for a future father it wouldn't be me and they should be looking elsewhere.

    Despite making this clear, a number of women simply didn't believe me, telling me I was fantastic with my nephews and nieces and would make a great dad and would change my mind at some point. Er no my views on this issue was and is set in granite.

    Some friends of mine are in the process of splitting up as she has chosen her career over a child, yet he is desperate for one. They did initially agree that they both didn't want a kid before getting married, but watching his sister have 3 kids he has changed.
  • AubreyMac
    AubreyMac Posts: 1,723 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I can't see myself ever changing my mind about not wanting children. Everyone keeps telling me I'll change my mind, but I'm nearly 30 now and I still feel completely suffocated at the thought of having something completely dependent on me.

    I couldn't spend every day in the endless routine of feeding, changing and playing baby games.



    Don't you think children can be rewarding too?


    Although I don't want kids, I do have nieces and nephews and I can see the joy they bring to my sisters and to me.


    It's lovely smiling at a kid in a caf! and have them smile back at you. I can imagine it feels even better when your own child responds to you.


    Though that isn't enough to have kids, because like you I am thinking of the constant practicalities of it which I am not prepared to take on without feeling resentful.
  • I split up with my ex partly for this reason. When we got together neither of us wanted children and we were very open about that. However over the years I felt myself slowly coming around to the idea. I raised it with my ex who was adamant he didn't want it to happen, and then I wondered how on earth we would survive as a couple if we wanted completely different things, so I ended things. It broke his heart, and he said he would change his mind and 'give me a child' and 'would learn to love it' but they were things said in an attempt to get me to change my mind.


    I don't regret it. We don't' have contact anymore but I know that he is able to focus on what he wants to do in life, and I'm happy that I'm not putting him into a situation he never wanted to be in.


    I was amazed with myself when I was ending it as I didn't think I would ever be one of 'those people' to end a relationship like that. Its far from easy, but you need to ensure happiness for both parties.
  • AubreyMac
    AubreyMac Posts: 1,723 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    One of my colleagues broke up with their partner after 4 years because they did not want children.


    3 years later she is still single and she found out through mutual friends that her ex is now married with a baby.
  • pollypenny
    pollypenny Posts: 29,432 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    tiger_eyes wrote: »
    I'm puzzled why only one person is to blame in this situation. If we're going to blame at all, wouldn't we blame both equally? Either of them could have chosen to compromise on having/not having children. Neither did. But only the wife is at fault?



    Ok, so this middle aged man, who has already fathered three children and is step-father to a fourth didn't want to father another.

    So he is at fault too. Maybe. :cool:
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 351K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 453.6K Spending & Discounts
  • 244K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 598.9K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 176.9K Life & Family
  • 257.3K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.