Would you end your marriage (or relationship,) if your partner didn't want children?

euronorris

Just to add, I've known people who've caved and had kids when they didn't want to, and people who've not had kids when they really wanted to.


Both ended in total disaster, resentment and very bitter break-ups.

POPPYOSCAR

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I didn't mean to be dismissive, but I can't ever imagine wanting something enough that meant I would not be able to have my husband in my life.

We would sort the situation out in one way or another. Even if one of us had to say, 'yes. I agree to a life without children', then that is what we would do.

I think if you leave of someone you love (and who loves you back)because you can't sort out a problem, then one or both of you didn't love the other one enough. If you did, you would come to an agreement.

However, I did not mean to negate anyone's feelings, so apologised if I have, these are just my feelings on the matter.

I agree with you.


I cannot imagine life without him so if he had not wanted children there is no way I would have left him.


Also having a child for the other when you really do not want one could be a recipe for disaster.

seven-day-weekend

It's a difficult scenario where it seems that some will choose children over their partner and others will choose their partner over children. And some will try to work out a scenario which works for both. Not a compromise, but a decision made in love.

However, I do think it can be more difficult if it's the woman who wants children and the man who doesn't, because she has a biological clock and he hasn't. So it may be more urgent.

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes, we might come to that conclusion also, the point is we would agree together, we would arrive at a decision together. What we wouldn't do is split up over it.

We don't actually disagree over many things (in fact nothing important that I can think of) and very rarely argue, but in this scenario we would do whichever thing mattered most to the person, because we loved that person. Whether that was to have children or not, if we couldn't agree we would go with the person to whom it mattered most.

In the post I was replying to you said

We would sort the situation out in one way or another. Even if one of us had to say, 'yes. I agree to a life without children', then that is what we would do.

No mention of the other option.

euronorris

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It's a difficult scenario where it seems that some will choose children over their partner and others will choose their partner over children. And some will try to work out a scenario which works for both. Not a compromise, but a decision made in love.

What could that possibly be in such cases though? I've tried to think of a scenario where both parties end up happy with the decision and I can't see one. I can only see two scenarios: you have kids, or you don't. Either way, someone is compromising on a fundamental issue for them which I think would end in disaster.

seven-day-weekend

mumps wrote: »

In the post I was replying to you said

We would sort the situation out in one way or another. Even if one of us had to say, 'yes. I agree to a life without children', then that is what we would do.

No mention of the other option.

I assumed people would realise that 'no children' was only one (and possibly the most final) option, I didn't think I need to specifically mention others.

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It's a difficult scenario where it seems that some will choose children over their partner and others will choose their partner over children. And some will try to work out a scenario which works for both. Not a compromise, but a decision made in love.

However, I do think it can be more difficult if it's the woman who wants children and the man who doesn't, because she has a biological clock and he hasn't. So it may be more urgent.

Sometimes the most loving thing to do is let someone go.

mumps

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I assumed people would realise that 'no children' was only one (and possibly the most final) option, I didn't think I need to specifically mention others.

Having children is just as final, you can't go back. Even if you had them adopted you have fathered a child/given birth.

seven-day-weekend

euronorris wrote: »

What could that possibly be in such cases though? I've tried to think of a scenario where both parties end up happy with the decision and I can't see one. I can only see two scenarios: you have kids, or you don't. Either way, someone is compromising on a fundamental issue for them which I think would end in disaster.

Yes, that is the outcome, either you have them or you don't, but I suppose I was thinking that after having thrashed the subject around, that one or both might not feel it was so much of a compromise and come to a decision that both could live with without pain and heartbreak. For example, maybe the person who didn't want them could be re-assured that having them would not cramp their style, maybe the one who wanted them could come to see that they could still have children in their life even if they didn't have their own. And then make a decision that both could live with.

heuchera

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes, that is the outcome, either you have them or you don't, but I suppose I was thinking that after having thrashed the subject around, that one or both might not feel it was so much of a compromise and come to a decision that both could live with without pain and heartbreak. For example, maybe the person who didn't want them could be re-assured that having them would not cramp their style, maybe the one who wanted them could come to see that they could still have children in their life even if they didn't have their own. And then make a decision that both could live with.

Or in short.. marriage is a lifelong commitment to each other. You work things out together.