Would you end your marriage (or relationship,) if your partner didn't want children?

Person_one

Hermia wrote: »

I really envy men as the stuff they talk about seems a lot more fun!

I think you just need to meet some more interesting women! There are plenty of men about who are dull as ditchwater, I've dated a fair few of them...

fierystormcloud

Pollycat wrote: »

:rotfl: Yeah, right.

dirty_magic wrote: »

Make friends with men instead! :beer:

Person_one wrote: »

I think you just need to meet some more interesting women! There are plenty of men about who are dull as ditchwater, I've dated a fair few of them...

I agree. Not all women are funny and quirky and fascinating to be around. And whether they have children makes no odds. I know some child free women who are boring as heck, and some mums who are cute and funny and intelligent and interesting. Similarly, I know child free women who are a laugh a minute, and very bright, and some mums who bore the pants off me.

And yes, some MEN are boring as heck too! Some of them seem to have one major interest, and that is all they talk about... Whether it's footie/golf/running/cycling/the gym, or cars or sci-fi; it's ALL they talk about. Most women I know have lots of different interests, but some men seem to have just one major hobby, and that is all they talk about.

southoftheriver

I wouldn't chose to be with someone who didn't want children. It's just too important to me. Luckily I knew that before getting married and my husband feels the same. If we have difficulties conceiving then that will undoubtedly put extra strain on our relationship, but I married him because I want to be with him. We will have children whether they are biological or not.

enthusiasticsaver

When my husband and I got engaged many years ago we talked briefly about having children but at that stage, I was 21 and he was 22 neither of us were desperate to start a family. I did think in the back of my mind I would like to be a mum but never had the all consuming desire to have children the way some women have talked about. I therefore think that I would not have left my husband if he had turned round and said he did not want children a few years later. My first relationship was with him and eventually your children will leave to make their own way in the world so you have to want to be with the person you marry not just look on them as a partner to have children with.


We have had two lovely daughters though, both adults now and one is a mum herself and neither of us regret having children so I am not sure how I would have felt if he said he did not want them in the early years of our marriage. I think if he had flat out said he would not consider it and it had been something I really wanted then that might have affected my feelings towards him if he flat out refused to discuss. Infertility is a different matter as that is something your partner cannot help any more than if they were ill so it would be a heartless individual who would leave their partner for that reason in my view.


In the Lineker's case I feel that at his age this is something which should have been talked about though but many people don't when they enter marriage. It is also a fact that many people do not realise how hard parenthood is when they enter into it. My daughter and son in law were quite open from the moment they got engaged they wanted children. My son in law worked with kids and had a niece and nephew which he adored and it was no surprise to us when 6 months after they got married and bought their house my daughter announced her pregnancy last year and they had a little girl last September. They have both found it extremely difficult coping with the lack of sleep and stress involved in having a new baby and at the moment are both saying never again even though they both love their little girl dearly. Of course they could change their mind in a few year's time but that is up to them.


In some ways it is a very brave decision to say they don't want children and it is certainly no one else's business so I find it very sad that some people on here have said they felt judged.

Goldiegirl

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I don't know anyone who regrets having children. Many child free people seem to know LOADS of people who 'confide in them' that they regret it, but nobody has ever said anything to me. (And I am child free.) Sometimes, I do wonder if *some* child free people try and convince themselves that people with children secretly hate it.

I speak as a child free person.

It's none of my business what motivates other people to have children, and I'm certainly not interested enough to feel the need to convince myself that people with children hate their lives! Why would somebody feel the need to do that?

I have had a couple of people say to me that they wouldn't have had children if they could live their life again, and to be honest, I don't really believe them. These people are people that obviously love their children, so I can't imagine for a moment that they'd wish their children out of existence.

Sianybaby82

I was in a relationship for two years and I ended it due to us wanting different things. I wanted a child, he had previously had a vasectomy but initially had said that he regretted it and would get it reversed. When it came down to it there was no intention of this so I felt it would be best to call it a day. We both already had a child each to previous partners.

I then went onto have another relationship. I expressed my desire to have another child in the future and we both wanted the same thing. Three years into the relationship and my partner had decided it wasn't something he wanted. After a lot of soul searching and thought I sat him down and informed him that I thought we should split up. He decided that he would rather have a child than lose our family. We went on to have our son who was born prematurely and critically ill. Neither of us could imagine life without our son.

I think people regret not having children but they do not ever regret having them.

Pollycat

catkins wrote: »

I often talk to new people - on the bus, walking my dog - I'm the sort of person who talks to just about anyone!

Well, yes, me too.
I catch buses almost every day - sometimes as many as 6 different buses in 1 day.
And I chat to people in the supermarket queue and the people on the till.
But nobody has ever asked me if I've got grandchildren.

catkins

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I don't know anyone who regrets having children. Many child free people seem to know LOADS of people who 'confide in them' that they regret it, but nobody has ever said anything to me. (And I am child free.) Sometimes, I do wonder if *some* child free people try and convince themselves that people with children secretly hate it.

I know on at least one other thread you states that you don't believe anyone regrets having children and that childfree people make it up.


Well I can assure you that plenty of mums and dads have told me that, if they could go back in time, they would not have children and I am NOT making it up. Why would I exactly? I find it very sad so it does not make me happy thinking of all the unhappy parents.


There are quite a few websites and forums where people admit that they regret having children and I very much doubt that they are all people pretending to feel that way.


Also, as I think I said on another thread, what about all the people that have children and then abuse them or even kill them? The figures for child abuse are terribly high in this country - I would guess that a lot of the abusers regret having children


I find it very sad that people think that. Me and OH have never regretted our decision not to have children and if we could go back in time we would still make that same decision.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I speak as a child free person.

I have had a couple of people say to me that they wouldn't have had children if they could live their life again, and to be honest, I don't really believe them. These people are people that obviously love their children, so I can't imagine for a moment that they'd wish their children out of existence.

Why would they make it up? I have been told many times by parents that though they do love their children they would choose not to have any if they could go back. There are lots of reasons - they didn't realise how hard it can be having a child and bringing them up, their marriage broke down because of a child/children, their child has caused them a lot of upset or grief. I know one woman who has 5 children, all of them brought up the same in, as far as I know, a loving home and 2 of them have been in prison for pretty serious crimes, take drugs and 1 of them has beaten her up quite badly more than once.

Sianybaby82 wrote: »

I think people regret not having children but they do not ever regret having them.

I am sure some people regret not having children although plenty do not. To say no one ever regrets having them is naïve to say the least and totally untrue

pigpen

I would have discussed it with them before committing to a long term relationship but no, I would not ever have been with someone who did not ever want children.. I knew I wanted children from the age of 5 when I hated being an only child... I always said I'd have 7, like the Waltons.

As for the grandbeasts.. no one ever believes I have those..

Some days however I wish I had stuck with cats.. today was one of those days!

fierystormcloud

catkins wrote: »

I know on at least one other thread you states that you don't believe anyone regrets having children and that childfree people make it up.

Well I can assure you that plenty of mums and dads have told me that, if they could go back in time, they would not have children and I am NOT making it up. Why would I exactly? I find it very sad so it does not make me happy thinking of all the unhappy parents.


Why would they make it up? I have been told many times by parents that though they do love their children they would choose not to have any if they could go back. There are lots of reasons - they didn't realise how hard it can be having a child and bringing them up, their marriage broke down because of a child/children, their child has caused them a lot of upset or grief. I know one woman who has 5 children, all of them brought up the same in, as far as I know, a loving home and 2 of them have been in prison for pretty serious crimes, take drugs and 1 of them has beaten her up quite badly more than once.

I am sure some people regret not having children although plenty do not. To say no one ever regrets having them is naïve to say the least and totally untrue

Playing Devil's Advocate. Maybe if anyone ever HAS said to child free people that they're lucky not to have kids, and they wish they hadn't had them; blah blah blah, maybe they're saying it to make the child free person feel better because they feel bad for them having no children.

Maybe a few people with children DO regret having them, but I have never ever ever heard anyone say it to me. (I am child free.)

I would imagine that one would be far more likely to regret NOT having them, than actually having them. Even if soooooo many people tell YOU that they regret having them.

I find it quite incredible how child free by choice people, and people who don't much like children, seem to know so many parents who tell them that they wish they had never had children. I am struggling to believe this. I mean WHY would so many people admit it, even if they DID feel like this? Especially to a child free by choice person.

As I said, I am child free - although I intend to have a baby soon, and no-one ever says it to me ... (and no-one knows I am planning one, or that I even want one...)

You seem to be mad keen to convince everyone Catkins, that sooooo many parents have told you they wish they hadn't had children. Why?

I am incredibly flattered by the way, that you have such an amazing recollection of previous threads of mine.