Would you end your marriage (or relationship,) if your partner didn't want children?

missbiggles1

mumps wrote: »

Well she is very attractive and has lots of money so I imagine it won't be that hard for her to find someone but I think that is beside the point. She might never have another child and I am sure she will cope with that the thing that some people can't cope with is the person they love having such a different life plan that doesn't seem flexible enough to include what they want. Lets face it having another baby isn't going to cause him alot of trouble, he has enough money so they aren't going to be worrying about paying for the pram or finding room in their one roomed flat. They can afford childcare so can still have a social life. She probably feels there isn't any big reason why they couldn't have a child, of course that all depends on whether that is the reason they split up.

36 isn't that great an age, I got pregnant at 38 and went to NCT classes, they had enough to run two classes and I was in the oldies group. I was surprised to find I was the youngest but one, two women were in their mid 40s. Of course that doesn't work for everyone but not unreasonable for her to think its a possibility.

36 is no age to have a child in an existing relationship - many of my friends were around that age when they had their first, as I would've been if cancer hadn't intervened.

However, I do think that it's quite late if you have to get over a divorce, get back into dating, meet a few wrong 'uns (an occupational hazard for a model, I'd have thought) establish and build a relationship and then start thinking about whether you're going to have a child with them.

I know you conceived very quickly at 38;) but that isn't the case for most women in their late 30s and early 40s.

mumps

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

But having a baby is not about affording child care or where you live, it is about parenting and all that entails.


Perhaps he feels being a parent to the children he already has takes up more than enough of his time.

I was looking at it from her point of view and why she might feel resentful but although having a baby isn't all about being able to afford child care etc it certainly makes it easier.

Person_one

mumps wrote: »

"One family when you were too young and now another when you are too old." I asked him what precise age he thought it would have been OK for me to get pregnant.

Women are allowed to have babies between the ages of 25 and 35, if they're married to a man and their husband earns enough that they can go back to work part time in a few years but still be at home most of the time without having to claim too many benefits. They are expected to have more than one, but definitely not more than three.

I'm afraid anything outside of those criteria will see you criticised. Even if you follow those rules you may find yourself in the firing line for breastfeeding your child, not breastfeeding your child, letting them eat sweets and chicken nuggets, not letting them eat sweets and chicken nuggets, taking them out in public too much, or not enough, wearing the wrong thing, putting on weight, losing weight or doing any kind of complaining about all of the above!

Hedgehog99

I'd end it if he did.
I've never wanted children, so I'd never have one for someone else who did, but I wouldn't expect him to want to stay with me either.
It's wrong to have kids if you don't want them - imagine growing up knowing your parent(s) didn't want you.

mumps

missbiggles1 wrote: »

36 is no age to have a child in an existing relationship - many of my friends were around that age when they had their first, as I would've been if cancer hadn't intervened.

However, I do think that it's quite late if you have to get over a divorce, get back into dating, meet a few wrong 'uns (an occupational hazard for a model, I'd have thought) establish and build a relationship and then start thinking about whether you're going to have a child with them.

I know you conceived very quickly at 38;) but that isn't the case for most women in their late 30s and early 40s.

From what I have read they have been split up for a year already, maybe she has already met someone? I knew I wanted to marry my husband and have children within weeks of meeting him. My mum and dad were married and expecting their first baby less than a year after they met and had a very happy marriage although he did die young so they only had 15 years together.

My MIL and FIL were even faster, they met when he was on leave during WWII, had a few dates when he had weekend leave and married just before D Day. They didn't see each other again till 1946 when she managed to get passage on a ship to North America to be reunited with him. She never had a doubt despite him being Catholic and her needing to take instruction before the wedding and him being black and her being white and one of them having to leave family and friends to move to a different continent. Sometimes love conquers all.

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

At 36 you're certainly approaching middle age and I think the idea that it's easy to find a life partner (not just a man) within a year is pretty optimistic.

I obviously don't know the woman but I would hope that she has more sense than to have a baby with someone she would've known for less than 18 months, but, these days, who knows!

Maybe she'll adopt as a single woman, or use donor sperm, if being a mother is more important to her than having a life partner.

mumps

Person_one wrote: »

Women are allowed to have babies between the ages of 25 and 35, if they're married to a man and their husband earns enough that they can go back to work part time in a few years but still be at home most of the time without having to claim too many benefits. They are expected to have more than one, but definitely not more than three.

I'm afraid anything outside of those criteria will see you criticised. Even if you follow those rules you may find yourself in the firing line for breastfeeding your child, not breastfeeding your child, letting them eat sweets and chicken nuggets, not letting them eat sweets and chicken nuggets, taking them out in public too much, or not enough, wearing the wrong thing, putting on weight, losing weight or doing any kind of complaining about all of the above!

Well if only I'd known :rotfl::rotfl:So I did have two when I was too young and two when I was too old so total fails there. I got lots of criticism for breastfeeding for too long, fed the youngest for 3 years. I've always worked so that was wrong too. When my eldest was about 10 he told me to wear a longer skirt for parents evening so I guess that was another fail. I'm taking the fifth amendment on chicken nuggets and sweets. I'm not too sure about taking them out, I probably got it wrong, fairly safe to assume really. I think not having weight problems is probably my strong point but I did get ill with an undiagnosed condition in my 20s which saw my weight fall to under 6 stone and my son refused to go swimming with me as he said everyone thought I was anorexic so thinking about it I failed there as well. My husband did earn a good wage but became disabled and hasn't worked since the youngest was a baby. Can that be a partial success, I have to have one success, please:o

Person_one

mumps wrote: »

Well if only I'd known :rotfl::rotfl:So I did have two when I was too young and two when I was too old so total fails there. I got lots of criticism for breastfeeding for too long, fed the youngest for 3 years. I've always worked so that was wrong too. When my eldest was about 10 he told me to wear a longer skirt for parents evening so I guess that was another fail. I'm taking the fifth amendment on chicken nuggets and sweets. I'm not too sure about taking them out, I probably got it wrong, fairly safe to assume really. I think not having weight problems is probably my strong point but I did get ill with an undiagnosed condition in my 20s which saw my weight fall to under 6 stone and my son refused to go swimming with me as he said everyone thought I was anorexic so thinking about it I failed there as well. My husband did earn a good wage but became disabled and hasn't worked since the youngest was a baby. Can that be a partial success, I have to have one success, please:o

Honestly, its as if you didn't read the instruction book, did you even get given yours when you hit puberty?

missbiggles1

Hedgehog99 wrote: »

I'd end it if he did.
I've never wanted children, so I'd never have one for someone else who did, but I wouldn't expect him to want to stay with me either.
It's wrong to have kids if you don't want them - imagine growing up knowing your parent(s) didn't want you.

Well, that depends whether or not your parents are so crass as to let you know this. Before the introduction of reliable birth control, many people had children they didn't want and I doubt that many of the children actually knew that (although some may have done, of course).

mumps

Person_one wrote: »

Honestly, its as if you didn't read the instruction book, did you even get given yours when you hit puberty?

Well that's it then, no one gave me the instruction book, how different it could have been if only I'd known. Ah well I'll just have to get on with it now.

You didn't say if I could claim one success as husband did work till he was disabled. Pretty please