Lazy Child

skattykatty

Has he been out and about with a CV, going into places chatting to people, following up?

You are clearly very protective over him. It's understandable. He will always be your child, but he will never again be a child, and it's this that you both need to come to terms with.

If you sat down, with or without him, and did a kind of audit of his abilities and responsibilities at age 10, age 15 and 19, how much has changed in the past 5-10 years? For most young people of his age, some kind of job/study/training/learning to drive etc...in addition to greater responsibilities in the home: cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.

jjhr

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Let it escalate - a row could be exactly what you need to show how serious you are about instigating a new regime. Stop p u ssy footing around him and start being a proper parent to him!

Believe me, there have been some horrendous rows, but I have learnt that it does not solve anything, in fact it makes things worse, not better. The last thing I want him to do is be out on the streets alone. He is my son after all.

Listen I'm from yorkshire and I tell it straight. There is no p u ssy footing around when I'm explaining anything. Thanks for the advice, but you need to give more constructive criticism. Tell me what I am doing to 'p u ssy foot' my way around him.

fairy_lights

Take him to the doctors

jjhr wrote: »

The problem is when there is a job opening, the employer gets hundreds of cv's from people who are on jobseekers allowance, his application would get swamped and not seen.

Then he needs to do something to make himself stand out - voluntary work maybe.
And he needs to sign on, he might not like it but tough.

mum2one

fairy_lights wrote: »

Ahh, ok, I was thinking that perhaps he was spending so much time on the xbox and sleeping because he was depressed, refusing to sign on because of anxiety etc, in which case a more gentle approach would be needed.
But if that's not the case and he's just a lazy, ungrateful sod then he needs a kick up the !!!!.

I was thinking the same xx

missbiggles1

Kick him out

jjhr wrote: »

Believe me, there have been some horrendous rows, but I have learnt that it does not solve anything, in fact it makes things worse, not better. The last thing I want him to do is be out on the streets alone. He is my son after all.

Listen I'm from yorkshire and I tell it straight. There is no p u ssy footing around when I'm explaining anything. Thanks for the advice, but you need to give more constructive criticism. Tell me what I am doing to 'p u ssy foot' my way around him.

I'm afraid that almost all of your posts show you enabling him, whether by making excuses for his behaviour, by avoiding rows, by letting him live rent free and by giving him money.

I have 4 cats and your footwork on this issue beats the lot of them combined.

ecgirl07

jjhr wrote: »

He said that he would like to have a go at the hospitality industry. Front of house, waitering etc

Then get a basic cv together and get him to hand it into every pub, cafe, hotel in the area. He has to start somewhere. Even McDonalds would do him for experience.

What are his mates doing? Dossing about or working?

melanzana

Has your son any siblings?

If so, how old are they now, and how are they doing?

I dislike being judgemental as I am not on the ground so to speak, but I think the answer to that might inform us a bit more about the family dynamics going on.

DKLS

jjhr wrote: »

Listen I'm from yorkshire and I tell it straight. There is no p u ssy footing around when I'm explaining anything. Thanks for the advice, but you need to give more constructive criticism. Tell me what I am doing to 'p u ssy foot' my way around him.

Your blunt yorkshire ways isn't working too well.

Personally I would tell him he has a weeks deadline to sign on and a month to find a job, you expect x% of his benefits or wage for his keep otherwise he knows where the door is.

jjhr

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'm afraid that almost all of your posts show you enabling him, whether by making excuses for his behaviour, by avoiding rows, by letting him live rent free and by giving him money.

I have 4 cats and your footwork on this issue beats the lot of them combined.

So do you have children of your own? Or just cats??

jjhr

melanzana wrote: »

Has your son any siblings?

If so, how old are they now, and how are they doing?

I dislike being judgemental as I am not on the ground so to speak, but I think the answer to that might inform us a bit more about the family dynamics going on.

yes two and they are doing well for themselves