Lazy Child

tiger_eyes

heuchera wrote: »

I suppose they could have kept it till he was 21, but the problem is, if someone thinks they've got a big inheritance coming they just rely on that and lose the motivation to work. Hence the term: Trustafarians. [...] The best thing to do maybe (thinking back to what I was like as a teenager!!) would have been to keep it quiet and invest the money for him, and then give it to him when he goes to buy a house or something like that.

I'm not sure it's possible to leave an inheritance that can't be squandered by even the most determined beneficiary. You can wait until the beneficiary is 18 or 21 or 25 or even 30, but there's no age limit on pouring money down a drain. If you're really determined, you could set up a trustee who controls the money, but that's a recipe for resentment.

[Deleted User]

Time to start charging rent I think - probably what you could have done 18 months ago to 'protect' his money from himself (obviously keep this money for when his lightbulb turns on). Remember to charge for utility bills, and the internet. Stop cleaning his clothes.

Time for him to wake up to reality - he's got little money, he's got little education and you need to be a mean, mean parent. The consequence of not paying rent will be that his room is emptied of everything except a bed, *your* keys will be taken from him and a curfew imposed.

Give him some notice, but let him know that as he is no longer in education, his free ride has finished.

ladymarmalade

This sounds very similar to my brother who left college with 2 A-levels (no point without 3) and since then (he's now 20) he has had a zero hour contract at a petrol station. Some weeks he works 30 hours ish, but others it's 6 or even less. Whilst I refuse to be drawn in on his lack of ambition, I get very frustrated with his lack of willing to do anything else. He still lives with my mum and his her partner. Recently one Saturday (he had had had 5 days in a row off, my mum's partner had been working Mon-Fri), my mum's partner was painting a room in my mum's house (he doens't own any of it) and my brother did nothing to help and even laughed when my mum's parner asked if he would make a cup of tea. Unfortunately this is now unusual behaviour but my mum refuses to take him to task. I have discussed it at length with my husband and we both agree that if that was our son, regardless of his age we would remove his games consoles and switch his access to the internet off after 10pm as currently he just sits talking to his 'friends' online until 4/5am...the noise from which keeps others awake. He is vey unsociable, for example he lives a ten minute walk from my grandma and hasn't seen her since my wedding 2 years ago!

Whilst I would never suggest to my mum kicking him out, I do think he needs a big kick up the backside. I do think he has some axiety problems but he needs to take steps to overcome these!

ladymarmalade

ladymarmalade wrote: »

This sounds very similar to my brother who left college with 2 A-levels (no point without 3) and since then (he's now 20) he has had a zero hour contract at a petrol station. Some weeks he works 30 hours ish, but others it's 6 or even less. Whilst I refuse to be drawn in on his lack of ambition, I get very frustrated with his lack of willing to do anything else. He still lives with my mum and his her partner. Recently one Saturday (he had had had 5 days in a row off, my mum's partner had been working Mon-Fri), my mum's partner was painting a room in my mum's house (he doens't own any of it) and my brother did nothing to help and even laughed when my mum's parner asked if he would make a cup of tea. Unfortunately this is now unusual behaviour but my mum refuses to take him to task. I have discussed it at length with my husband and we both agree that if that was our son, regardless of his age we would remove his games consoles and switch his access to the internet off after 10pm as currently he just sits talking to his 'friends' online until 4/5am...the noise from which keeps others awake. He is vey unsociable, for example he lives a ten minute walk from my grandma and hasn't seen her since my wedding 2 years ago!

Whilst I would never suggest to my mum kicking him out, I do think he needs a big kick up the backside. I do think he has some axiety problems but he needs to take steps to overcome these!

I probably should have sais he does pay rent but due to his unreliable income, it's a percentage of what he has earned that month.

jjhr

heuchera wrote: »

So it's all gone? No wonder you're annoyed. Easy come easy go. I expect he feels a bit embarrassed about it too, and has maybe learned a valuable lesson.

He should get his sorry ass over to MSE and onto the DFW board. I know he's not in debt, but it might give him motivation to start to rebuild those savings.

What is he currently living on, then, if he's going out with his friends and buying clothes, having haircuts, etc

He is currently living on £0

jjhr

tiger_eyes wrote: »

Alas, I think that's exactly what happened - sounds like the inheritance was kept in trust until the beneficiary turned 18...

You are right.
18 is not a good age to receive that amount of cash

jjhr

heuchera wrote: »

I suppose they could have kept it till he was 21, but the problem is, if someone thinks they've got a big inheritance coming they just rely on that and lose the motivation to work. Hence the term: Trustafarians.

Reminds me of a Dickens Novel where they're relying on Jarndyce and Jarndyce :rotfl:


The best thing to do maybe (thinking back to what I was like as a teenager!!) would have been to keep it quiet and invest the money for him, and then give it to him when he goes to buy a house or something like that.

There is a problem with this scenario...The check was made out in his name. At 18 he became an adult. There was nothing that could have changed that. It was in his name.

But I suspect that it was given to him at this age to make sure he screwed up his life. The ultimate revenge of a spiteful grandparent exacting revenge from beyond the grave.

tea_lover

jjhr wrote: »

But I suspect that it was given to him at this age to make sure he screwed up his life. The ultimate revenge of a spiteful grandparent exacting the ultimate revenge from beyond the grave.

So nothing is his fault? He receives an incredibly generous gift which he then wastes and it's all the fault of the gift-giver?

You do realise you're doing him no favours at all to be encouraging this over-entitled attitude and babying him?

paddy's_mum

jjhr wrote: »

He is currently living on £0

Rubbish! He's ponc ing off you and you are not only allowing it, you are actively encouraging it by slipping him the odd few quid when he bothers to get off his 'donkey'.

You are there to be his parents not his friend and you are failing him to the deepest level when you are afraid/unwilling/reluctant to take issue with him.

If this were a situation with a pet dog we were talking about, none of your neighbours would be surprised that the RSPCA were called out since what you are doing (or perhaps not doing would be a more accurate description!) is tantamount to cruel.

Listen. My Nan died in 2002 aged 102. As a result of my distress, I went out and mugged an old lady for her pension money, I kicked my neighbour's cat to death and also had a dump on the children's swing in my local playground. All of it, according to your comment in an earlier post, excused by the loss of my grandparent.

Yeah, right.

It's time he grew up and you grew a backbone.

mai_taylor

encourage him, gently to find work

Tell him he has a month to sign on and start looking for work before you start charging rent. Make sure you get him doing lots of jobs around the house so he can't just laze around all day. Limit his Xbox time. Get him a few application forms to start him off and help him fill them in and help him with his CV. Get him to do some volunteer work, he'll soon want a job when he's working for nothing.

You need to be more proactive for him, he's stuck in a rut and needs some help getting out of it and if you are just letting him get away with it then nothings going to change.