Lazy Child

Hermia

fairy_lights wrote: »

But he left education a year and a half ago, I'd think that would be more than enough time to adjust...

Plus the longer he waits to 'adjust' the longer the gap on his CV plus he will be competing for jobs with new college leavers.

tea_lover

jjhr wrote: »

Yes he does spend time with his friends. The reason he won't sign on because he doesn't like the people there. Yes I know, its pathetic

Does he not like them because they told him to look for work?

166million

Kick him out

My Mum came with me to the job centre when I finished A levels

jjhr

FBaby wrote: »

What's the background? Has he had issues with depression in the past? Did something happened to make him the way he is now? Was he an ambitious child or always been a bit lazy?

What did he study at college? Did he enjoy it? Does he know what he wants to do etc...

It's really to comment without knowing more about him. You know him best, what's your gut feeling telling you?

He is not depressed as such, just a bit on the quiet side.

His grandparents have died some years ago, maybe this has affected him.

He wanted to do a job that involved gaming, but the course he was doing at college wasn't motivational enough. I did tell him years ago that if he wanted to create games, then he needs good qualifications in maths (degree). Or be good at designing, but he didn't listen.

He said that he would like to have a go at the hospitality industry. Front of house, waitering etc

jjhr

166million wrote: »

My Mum came with me to the job centre when I finished A levels

I think he would rather die than go with his mum to the job centre

*zippy*

I haven't voted, I think its hard to advise without knowing if it's laziness or depression/anxiety. My eldest is lazy, but has worked since 16 because we stopped her pocket money then, but I wouldn't have pushed if there were other issues. Does he lack confidence maybe?

If you are only giving him the odd £5/10 how is he managing, I know it costs nothing to stay in his room, but his mates must have money when he sees them? Does he seem to have money you can't account for?

I think any concerns visit the Drs, easier said than done if he won't go, but otherwise I'd do the gentle approach and look for suitable jobs and help him apply, even some voluntary work might be a good starting point, there might be something he's interested in that could get him motivated. Good luck!

VfM4meplse

Towser wrote: »

leave it to him to decide- He is a grown man now. If anything bad happened he would be fully responsible for his own actions. If you have any other dependents you would be in a weaker position than him. He has to decide to do the right thing. Maybe lay heavy moral thoughts on him?

He'll find it easier to act like an adult when you treat him like one.

- Ask him what he would be doing if his two parents weren't around to support him.
- then ask him to tell you how he would like to be living if there were no barriers to achieving it.

Ideally he'll realise that he can create something in between. Having responsibilities might help.

DigForVictory

+1 for either escorting him, or arranging a family escort, to the jobcentre.

An 18 month gap on his cv is explicable, just, but on his NINO? Uncalled for & should be sorted.

"Doesn't like" is not good enough. Life is not that sweet, we All have to do things we don't like.

tiger_eyes

jjhr wrote: »

I think he does have anxiety problems, but he will not see the doctor about it because it makes him anxious

I'm a strong believer that doing nothing but Xbox all day causes anxiety in itself. We're social creatures who need work, interaction and routine. After a year and a half, I'd be surprised if it hadn't affected him.

[Deleted User]

jjhr wrote: »

He is not depressed as such, just a bit on the quiet side.

His grandparents have died some years ago, maybe this has affected him.

He wanted to do a job that involved gaming, but the course he was doing at college wasn't motivational enough. I did tell him years ago that if he wanted to create games, then he needs good qualifications in maths (degree). Or be good at designing, but he didn't listen.

He said that he would like to have a go at the hospitality industry. Front of house, waitering etc

i know someone who's done very well in the 'games testing' part of the games industry:

https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/advice/planning/jobprofiles/Pages/ComputerGamesTester.aspx

Qualifications are more to do with software testing (e.g. ISEB Foundation Certificate in Software Testing) than degrees. I suspect competition for jobs would be tough and he'll need to change his motivation

Maybe combine a carrot and a stick. Help him with the CV, push him in a direction he's motivated in

Edit: Just saw the next post - sounds like you're screwed as you've bred a child with no value for money or hard work