Lazy Child

jjhr

There is something else though.

He received an inheritance from one of his grandparents when he turned 18......£15,000

He went wild, dropped out of college and ate takeaways, went out to pubs, nightclubs. Drank too much, ate too much.

There was nothing we could say or do. He seemed to loose all respect for us as parents...

I kept asking him about how much money he had left and that I would take care of it for him, so he wouldn't spend it so quick. But he didn't listen...

A certain friend stuck to him like glue and drove him anywhere and everywhere he wanted, even though he had money to get driving lessons etc.

We have just recently found out that this 'friend' charged him £20 per trip?

We are bloody fuming..

He now deeply regrets spending the money so fast. it went within 6 months.

heuchera

encourage him, gently to find work

Perhaps he's got low self-esteem.

But he must be living on something if he's going out with his mates, and presumably buying clothes, having haircuts, etc? [Sorry cross-posted, have just read your post where you explain that he got £15000! he's doing what any other kid would do I suppose, - blow it all and sit about all day!]

If I didn't have a job when I was in my late teens I either had to sign on or go without clothes/records/pubbing and clubbing with my friends. This encouraged me, shall we say, to go out and get a job - any job! Temp agencies are often looking for cleaners, bar staff, kitchen work. They will need references though, so not sure how he's going to get around that. A character reference maybe?

Jagraf

Kick him out

I would suggest the army, or a job, and give him a deadline to leave. I would redecorate his bedroom into a guest room so he can't skulk off to his room but had to be part of the family while there.

I would make him volunteer in the interim all week 9-5.

heuchera

encourage him, gently to find work

jjhr wrote: »

There is something else though.

He received an inheritance from one of his grandparents when he turned 18......£15,000

He went wild, dropped out of college and ate takeaways, went out to pubs, nightclubs. Drank too much, ate too much.

There was nothing we could say or do. He seemed to loose all respect for us as parents...

I kept asking him about how much money he had left and that I would take care of it for him, so he wouldn't spend it so quick. But he didn't listen...

A certain friend stuck to him like glue and drove him anywhere and everywhere he wanted, even though he had money to get driving lessons etc.

We have just recently found out that this 'friend' charged him £20 per trip?

We are bloody fuming..

He now deeply regrets spending the money so fast. it went within 6 months.

So it's all gone? No wonder you're annoyed. Easy come easy go. I expect he feels a bit embarrassed about it too, and has maybe learned a valuable lesson.

He should get his sorry ass over to MSE and onto the DFW board. I know he's not in debt, but it might give him motivation to start to rebuild those savings.

What is he currently living on, then, if he's going out with his friends and buying clothes, having haircuts, etc

VfM4meplse

DigForVictory wrote: »

"Doesn't like" is not good enough. Life is not that sweet, we All have to do things we don't like.

Until fairly recently I would have agreed, but now I just don't do things I don't like doing. Having said that I support myself so my existence is not dependent on someone else's generosity!

jjhr wrote: »

He now deeply regrets spending the money so fast. it went within 6 months.

Silly boy! But a good lesson for the rest of us - create a trust so beneficiaries can inherit when they have a bit more maturity.

Jagraf wrote: »

I would suggest the army, or a job, and give him a deadline to leave.

I would agree - get into the workplace or join the armed forces. Introduce the concept to him by making him watch "Private Benjamin".

tiger_eyes

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Silly boy! But a good lesson for the rest of us - create a trust so beneficiaries can inherit when they have a bit more maturity.

Alas, I think that's exactly what happened - sounds like the inheritance was kept in trust until the beneficiary turned 18...

heuchera

encourage him, gently to find work

tiger_eyes wrote: »

Alas, I think that's exactly what happened - sounds like the inheritance was kept in trust until the beneficiary turned 18...

I suppose they could have kept it till he was 21, but the problem is, if someone thinks they've got a big inheritance coming they just rely on that and lose the motivation to work. Hence the term: Trustafarians.

Reminds me of a Dickens Novel where they're relying on Jarndyce and Jarndyce :rotfl:


The best thing to do maybe (thinking back to what I was like as a teenager!!) would have been to keep it quiet and invest the money for him, and then give it to him when he goes to buy a house or something like that.

Pollycat

Stop referring to him as a 'child' and start treating him as an adult - an adult who needs to pay his way instead of dossing about.

fairy_lights

Take him to the doctors

jjhr wrote: »

He received an inheritance from one of his grandparents when he turned 18......£15,000

He went wild, dropped out of college and ate takeaways, went out to pubs, nightclubs. Drank too much, ate too much.

How sad - he could have used that money to pay his way through uni, or as a deposit on a house, or gone travelling...I'm sure he regrets blowing it all now but that's no excuse to just give up.
Did you charge him rent when he had the inheritance, or even then did he contribute nothing?

nearlyrich

£15k inheritance is not enough to live on forever but it would have been a good sum to get set up with driving lessons and first car/insurance. Now it's gone he can't just sit around moping about it or can he ? He can if you let him.