Lazy Child

melanzana

I got my first job at 13. Law said 14 but I lied! That was a Saturday job, and I continued on and loved the freedom a few bob gave me, and I learned to save a few pennies too.

Progressed from there to Summer jobs. Always worked.

Mum and Dad didn't force me, but encouraged me to do it.

Ended up in Senior management and was able to take early retirement due to the "education" my parents gave me. God bless em.

Point I am making is that parents can encourage and push for the right reasons!

Eliza_2

Gosh - I've just been reading though this and although the circumstances are a little different, it so sounds like a friend of mine.

My friend's son left college a year and a half ago with a couple of A levels and a BTEC, so a bright lad. He didn't want to go on to Higher Ed of any kind and picked up a few more hours at the corner shop where he'd worked for a couple of years on Saturdays and said he'd look for an apprenticeship. His mum helped him to look for adverts and to apply, and off he went to his first job. Within hours he was texting mum saying he hated it, he didn't know what he was doing, he didn't like the people and came home in tears refusing to return. This pattern was repeated with several more jobs so my friend decided she was maybe pushing him into unsuitable places. She decided to leave it up to him. Off his own back he then applied for another apprenticeship, a job he had loved doing on work experience at school. However by the time of the interview he had decided he wouldn't take it if offered it, so his attitude was all wrong and he was unsuccessful.

My friend is at her wit's end with him now. He stays in his room all day, doesn't offer to do anything at home, and only emerges when he goes off to his job for a few hours twice a week cash in hand - or to play darts with his friends. He won't sign on so his NI isn't being paid either. She shows him job ads in the paper and online, but he just says, no he wouldn't like that.

My friend knows she's enabling him but doesn't know how to change. She never paid board when living with her parents so doesn't feel she can ask him. He manages to run a car however, which doesn't seem at all fair. I've suggested he helps at home more, (taking the advice from others on this thread!) but she says she'd rather do the housework as at least she'd know it was done properly. Yes, I know, I cringed too!!

One thing I do wonder - does jjhr's lad have a father figure or a man he can talk to? My friend's husband is a wet wimp and his view is Oh just leave him alone. That's his attitude to anything, rather than actually deal with an issue. I did suggest to my friend that if his dad had a chat with him, or did some of the encouraging, it might help but he won't do anything about it - kids are women's work to him!

Kids!! There's always something - my son made me a grandma far too early! Luckily after that one night stand they decided they're made for each other and have a happy life, married now with 3 children. But it was a nightmare at the time.

I do hope jjhr will come back and update us - I think I might point my friend in this direction.

Eliza

iolanthe07

Kick him out

I'm afraid I haven't waded through the whole nine pages of this thread, but has he had his thyroid checked? I worked with a colleague who seemed on the surface to be utterly idle and useless, but he had a thyroid problem, and once this was addressed he became a motivated and useful member of the team.

dancingfairy

How about the princes trust? They run courses which help people not in employment or education.
Df

Mrsmoneyspinner

He needs a routine and the more he gets into one the better he will cope with anxiety and eventually want to be part of the workforce again - if he has low self esteem some voluntary work would be a good start and then hopefully he will gain confidence. Infact, I would insist on voluntary work i.e. walk dogs at the local rescue and help clean them out, be a library visitor for someone housebound and fetch/return books for them, whatever. I would also ask him to help at home - doing some laundry, hoovering, gardening so he feels he adds value. He really should sign on also as that will expose him to the job market - so maybe have a target to sign on in 6 months time, he could start with a part time job - there are zero hours contracts around which might be a manageable start for him. hope this helps.

Towser

encourage him, gently to find work

OP have you come to a conclusion yet?

I hope you haven't kicked him out and have encouraged him to find work.

Let us know how you are getting on as I am sure some of us will have this or similar problem one day.

heuchera

encourage him, gently to find work

OP hasn't logged in since 6th January, when her thread was trolled by the usual group of people..

prosaver

maybe he's nicked the computer and sold it in cash converters..