Lazy Child

Pollycat

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'll take that as a compliment, whether you meant it that way or not.:)

Most definitely a compliment, I've thanked all (or at least I think I have) your posts on this thread.

Too much wishy-washy sentiment from the OP for me.

Pollycat

jjhr wrote: »

Dating relationship advice and teenager problems are two different subjects.

But I think your being a bit cheeky here. Go somewhere else. I don't mind constructive criticisms but it seems to me that you lack any sort of maturity. I need sound advice, not catty comments please.

And that goes for anyone else, don't bother posting here if you cant be at least civilised.

TBH, I'd got no idea where that link came from, I took a quick look, then backed out.

But I do think you're actually wrong with the bit in bold.

I've re-read the website and all 4 points plus the beginning and end could be applied to the relationship between parent and offspring (I'm deliberately refraining from using the term 'child').
It's patently clear that your son is failing on all levels.

You may think my post is cheeky but I suggest you do go back and read it from a parent/offspring relationship.

missbiggles1

Kick him out

Pollycat wrote: »

TBH, I'd got no idea where that link came from, I took a quick look, then backed out.

But I do think you're actually wrong with the bit in bold.

I've re-read the website and all 4 points plus the beginning and end could be applied to the relationship between parent and offspring (I'm deliberately refraining from using the term 'child').
It's patently clear that your son is failing on all levels.

You may think my post is cheeky but I suggest you do go back and read it from a parent/offspring relationship.

Just in case you or anybody else thinks I've been stalking the OP, that link is the homepage that s/he has listed under their name on the left, above where you click to send someone a pm. Nothing more sinister than that and definitely for public consumption.

Pollycat

I didn't think anything of it, but I do think it's wrong of the OP to accuse somebody of being cheeky by posting something that they themselves have put in the public domain.

hollydays

I think this young adult is crying out for boundaries.
I don't think the op is going to tell me, but the original comments about the grandparent hint at much hurt. What is that about?
I remember hearing someone say once-if you don't deal with your issues, your children will.

enthusiasticsaver

leave it to him to decide

I have not read the whole of this thread - too long, so apologies OP if this has already been suggested.


I had two daughters rather than sons, don't know if that makes a difference but they weren't lazy but we did make them get a job at age 16 - cleaning caravans, waitressing in local Little Chef, shopwork or making beds in local hotel. No pocket money was given after the age of 16 even though they were still at school doing A levels and we could have afforded to give them pocket money in fact most of their friends were given ESA just for turning up to school because their parents were either low earners or separated or knew how to work the system. It instilled a work ethic in them and they realised the pride they would get from earning their own money. Did your son ever do a weekend job or is this the first time he has had to look for work? Even if he has not I would definitely encourage your 2 younger children to do that and maybe he will be shamed or encouraged into doing the same.


I do agree with some other posters that tough love is needed here and whilst I can totally understand you don't want to put him out on the streets I think a few days of not cooking for him, changing the wifi code and selling his tv and other gadgets might be a good idea. Give him some ultimatums - he starts looking for jobs, claims ESA so he can access the help they can give him or applies for an apprenticeship. I see he has already said he may be interested in that but it is important that he follows through and that he knows the consequences of him not fulfilling his part of the deal. You could say either he applies for some jobs and gets out of the house which is crucial or you will start selling his stuff.


It is possible he is depressed and anxious about the future and demoralised about applying for positions which he is constantly being turned down for. It is tough out there for youngsters and as parents there is a fine line between encouraging them but also making them realise they need to show some commitment and energy themselves. Mixing with other youngsters, voluntary groups etc is important for all of that. Maybe he would listen to another family member as he obviously seems to have tuned out from you if you have been trying with no success. Is there anyone he looks up to who could have a word and give him some ideas he might be open to?


It does sound though as if you are trying to help him turn a corner (not helped by a large inheritance so young in life) and I hope it all turns out ok for him. A lesson for anyone thinking of gifting large amounts to young adults is don't until they have proved themselves. We helped our daughters with house deposits but only once they had got their degrees and were working. I understand the OP had no say in the matter though so what is done is done. Move on.

somethingcorporate

If you always do what you've always done then you'll always get what you've always got.

Your son is crying out for a firm hand and guidance, if you let him sit around and be a slob this will all he will ever be.

Like the above couple of posters my parents had me out at 12 years old doing a paper round. I've not been out of work since that age to now at 31 with a career, wife, house, children etc mostly from the foundation my parents gave me and the effort I have put in.

There are times when I want to laze around and play games (don't we all) but my parents made sure I knew I needed to pay my way and earn my keep.

pollypenny

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Just in case you or anybody else thinks I've been stalking the OP, that link is the homepage that s/he has listed under their name on the left, above where you click to send someone a pm. Nothing more sinister than that and definitely for public consumption.

Good Lord, I've never seen a link like that in all the time I've been on MSE and tapped someone's name to send a PM.

Just done a little check with a few names on this last page; no one else has such a thing. Why on earth provide a link to a home page? :cool:

suki1964

pollypenny wrote: »

Good Lord, I've never seen a link like that in all the time I've been on MSE and tapped someone's name to send a PM.

Just done a little check with a few names on this last page; no one else has such a thing. Why on earth provide a link to a home page? :cool:

It's not that unusual. I've seen quite a few.

KxMx

When I was an actual child ( 5 or 6), I was warned by my mother if I threw a tantrum again in the shop when she said I couldn't have sweets, I would be banned for a month.

When I threw a tantrum again, I was banned for a month.

Mum's peers told her she was being far too harsh, but I tell you now that lesson worked because I knew her threats were real, and she would do what was threatened.

OP you need to follow through on what you say.