Lazy Child

missbiggles1

Kick him out

jjhr wrote: »

He is not depressed as such, just a bit on the quiet side.

His grandparents have died some years ago, maybe this has affected him.

He wanted to do a job that involved gaming, but the course he was doing at college wasn't motivational enough. I did tell him years ago that if he wanted to create games, then he needs good qualifications in maths (degree). Or be good at designing, but he didn't listen.

He said that he would like to have a go at the hospitality industry. Front of house, waitering etc

Sorry, you're really scraping the barrel of excuses for his behaviour with that one!

166million

Kick him out

I got given 15k at 25 thought i was doing the right thing by putting house deposit but bought just before the crash and then money was gone.

Saying his grandparents died sounds like you are winding us up. Everyone's grandparents die.

FBaby

He sounds like a grown up kid who was spoilt as a child with never having to think of the future and now he doesn't know what to do with himself. He went to college probably because he didn't know what else to do, and then lost all interest in a career when he realised that working in gaming was not just a case of wanting to.

That's the problem when we believe that children should be children because they have all the time to become grown ups....they just have no clue what it is to be so and don't understand why they suddenly have to be so.

Do you actually talk to your son beyond small talk? Sounds like you need to start having proper parent/child discussion so that you can pick up with the providing guidance and direction, whilst indicating that remaining a big kid just isn't an option.

jjhr

166million wrote: »

I got given 15k at 25 thought i was doing the right thing by putting house deposit but bought just before the crash and then money was gone.

Saying his grandparents died sounds like you are winding us up. Everyone's grandparents die.

No I'm serious.
I'm trying to think of things that may have upset him.

silverwhistle

Start looking for a new house: remote with no access to public transport or very small, or abroad or with poor internet, and print off a few sheets and leave them lying around. When he asks what is going on you explain you're looking to move and that there won't be a place for him in the new house as you are having to downsize...

jjhr

FBaby wrote: »

He sounds like a grown up kid who was spoilt as a child with never having to think of the future and now he doesn't know what to do with himself. He went to college probably because he didn't know what else to do, and then lost all interest in a career when he realised that working in gaming was not just a case of wanting to.

That's the problem when we believe that children should be children because they have all the time to become grown ups....they just have no clue what it is to be so and don't understand why they suddenly have to be so.

Do you actually talk to your son beyond small talk? Sounds like you need to start having proper parent/child discussion so that you can pick up with the providing guidance and direction, whilst indicating that remaining a big kid just isn't an option.

Yes you are right.

We do have talks but sometimes he clams up and doesn't want to talk about it. I have to walk away at that point because it could escalate into a row.

Is he spoilt. Yes and no. It depends what you mean by being spoilt, everyone has varying degrees

166million

Kick him out

jjhr wrote: »

No I'm serious.
I'm trying to think of things that may have upset him.

Most young people have problems adjusting to adult life in one way or another. He needs to be able to maintain a life for himself. Mooching off you isn't the way to do that. If he wants any sort of life for himself he needs to take action. Mollycoddling him won't help.

paddy's_mum

jjhr wrote: »

No I'm serious.
I'm trying to think of things that may have upset him.

To hell with what might or might not have upset him. I think you are missing the whole point.

Why on earth are you not putting a stop to the things he is doing that have upset YOU?

Has nobody in the past ever suggested or hinted to you that you were sparing the rod and spoiling the child?

The meek don't inherit the earth, you know. They just become everybody's doormat.

FBaby

Is he spoilt. Yes and no. It depends what you mean by being spoilt, everyone has varying degrees

I meant spoilt in a psychological way, as in, always taking responsibility for him. Of course that is an assumption, you haven't said anything that overtly suggests that is the case, however, you do come quite protective of him in that manner.

In the end, we all dream of reverting to being a child with our parents making all the decisions for us, knowing that they will do so taking into account our welfare and safety. Facing adulthood is facing the mental effort of making decision for oneself, and that is what your son seem unprepared for and not encourage to do. For most, the motivation comes with a desire for freedom from rules but when you get both security and being looked after without being nagged and reminded of unpleasant rules, then that's an incentive gone.

jjhr

paddy's_mum wrote: »

To hell with what might or might not have upset him. I think you are missing the whole point.

Why on earth are you not putting a stop to the things he is doing that have upset YOU?

Has nobody in the past ever suggested or hinted to you that you were sparing the rod and spoiling the child?

The meek don't inherit the earth, you know. They just become everybody's doormat.

True

I feel like a doormat. He has taken advantage of us for too long.

I did ask him if he has applied for jobs, he said he has, but the problem he has is that he doesn't hear back from the majority of them. He lacks experience and has a few GCSE's, but he does have youth on his side.
The problem is when there is a job opening, the employer gets hundreds of cv's from people who are on jobseekers allowance, his application would get swamped and not seen.