Lazy Child

melanzana

jjhr wrote: »

yes two and they are doing well for themselves

That's good, neither of them live at home I take it? And current son is the youngest maybe?

jjhr

DKLS wrote: »

Your blunt yorkshire ways isn't working too well.

Personally I would tell him he has a weeks deadline to sign on and a month to find a job, you expect x% of his benefits or wage for his keep otherwise he knows where the door is.

Yes my ways are not working that is why i'm seeking help.

But I cannot show him the door. I have a responsibility for him. He will not be thrown out. He is my problem that I have to deal with.

System

Appeal to his lazy nature, he won't retire early if he doesn't start saving up a deposit to buy a flat/house

jjhr

melanzana wrote: »

That's good, neither of them live at home I take it? And current son is the youngest maybe?

No they live at home and the son is the eldest

prosaver

why dont you do what i said?

GwylimT

jjhr wrote: »

Yes my ways are not working that is why i'm seeking help.

But I cannot show him the door. I have a responsibility for him. He will not be thrown out. He is my problem that I have to deal with.

No you don't hes an adult, any responsibility ended the day he turned 18. If you don't want him to act liked a spoiled child don't treat him like one. If he was mine as soon as he dropped out of college he would have been thrown out.

mel48rose

encourage him, gently to find work

Could he be suffering from depression?

paddy's_mum

I'd be interested to know, exactly, what your other two children truly feel about all this. I would find it hard to believe that they admire and respect the brother who is causing all this strain and unhappiness.

Has it occurred to you yet that if 2 out of 3 have thrived and flourished using "your ways" that it is the eldest who has been taught that nothing he does will ever rebound and smack him right between the eyes!

Has it yet occurred to you that him being out on the street (or very, very sure that it will happen any day now) might be the one thing that forces him to shape up?

What did the two other children do with their inheritance?

It seems to me that what you need is a human behaviour equivalent of Cesar Millan!

missbiggles1

Kick him out

jjhr wrote: »

No they live at home and the son is the eldest

If you can't make an effort for your own sake, think what a terrible example he's setting for his younger siblings.

missbiggles1

Kick him out

jjhr wrote: »

So do you have children of your own? Or just cats??

I'm sorry you don't like my criticisms but they are intended to be helpful - your way isn't working and you're harming your son.

(Many years experience as an adoptive/foster parent, particularly with difficult teenagers - thanks for asking.):D