Please tell me your husbands are more helpful than mine...

Bobcrowther

If you can afford a house that big, get the help to, um, help.

Person_one

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

He works from home and said he would schedule himself around helping me, just do the odd bit of work to show he has been on duty today and yesterday.

Yes, he should do the stuff that he's said he will. I wouldn't do any jobs for him that he'd agreed to do but then not bothered with, I'd expect him to get on with it, better late than never.

However, the above is not really a fair expectation for a person who works from home and not very honest with his employer if he did behave that way. If he's being paid to work, he needs to be working!

Murphybear

My OH is not very good at doing things off his own bat but doesn't mind being organised, if I give him specific tasks he will usually do them.

I think the OP's husband is being mean in not helping more, because Christmas is a special occasion and she is obviously putting in a great effort to make sure HIS family have a good time.

If I were the OP I would tell her husband that next year she is going on a cruise at Christmas:D

Homeownertobe

He could always help you, get sacked and then you could go out to work to pay for it all?

Alikay

Good grief, Christmas at yours sounds scary - I think if I was your husband, I'd go into passive-resistant mode! For I start I simply couldn't countenance two weeks worth of visitors:eek:, and as for the catering: Have you not heard of Mr Kipling? No takeaways round your way?

sweetilemon

I understand the main goal you are trying to achieve, however it's really not worth it if you are so stressed with it. My husband helps with things he knows are appreciated like doing the dishes after I cook, quick clean around or ironing. He has his jobs like bins and I have mine....mainly cooking although if it's too much he is a good cook. We both work 45+ hours a week however when I go on maternity or if I'm on holiday I take on the housekeeping tasks. Anyway, my husband isn't of relavance to the situation. In your situation I would say to your husband "I can't manage to do all this, can you do XYZ (Very specific and time bound tasks) if not what do you think WE should not do as hosts? Sometimes if someone is busy and stressing it's easier to keep out, it's maybe his train of thought. Definately ask him to do specific things or cut your list...ie scrap seating plans/buy in mince pies etc.

whiteguineapig

gosh counting pennies your christmas sounds like hell on earth
(why would you do this?)
i think i would go away next year

Darksparkle

Mines doesn't really go out his way to do anything himself but if I ask he will do it.

We now have set jobs like I'll clean the kitchen, he cleans the bathrooms or I'll go the cooking and he'll tidy up after etc

Pollycat

I really do not envy your Christmas at all.

Re the bit below

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

His only task on the run up to this weekend was to get his office tidied ready to accommodate four beds for a children's dorm, when I went in to do the clean yesterday, I discovered nothing had been done, so spent last night when I was meant to be preparing one of the advanced meals shifting stuff around his office. No help from him yesterday, I said I needed help.

How did you ask him to do this one thing?
Was he clear that it was his resonsibility and did he understand the timescale that you expected it to be done by?
Could he have been planning to do it later yesterday or even today and you've gone in and erupted because it wasn't done when you expected it to be done?

If this is the case, I can understand him saying you are being unreasonable.
Do you work at all? Maybe he sees all this Christmas faff as part of your 'job'.

If all of this is for his family, I would put a marker in the ground early in the New Year that Christmas 2016 is going to be very different.
You are not going to be rushing round sorting things out. If he wants to host his family, then that's fine but you won't be doing any more than you would do over a normal weekend.

euronorris

My hubby's not a mind-reader, so he's no good with vague requests of 'can you help please'. I've learnt to be more specific and say 'could you please tidy x room by x date/time', 'could you please hoover x room, or all rooms' etc etc.


He's working part time at the moment, so is home before me, and there was still some meat and bits and pieces we needed for Christmas, so I left him a list of items for him to get and asked him to go get them, oh and to drop a card into the neighbours at number 18. He did it, no problem. If I'd just said 'can you get some shopping please', it wouldn't have happened as he'd have had no idea what I wanted him to get! lol