Please tell me your husbands are more helpful than mine...

Counting_Pennies_2

I am so fed up, each year my husband promises to help, and gives assurances he will be helpful.


Yet again I find myself dashing around getting everything ready in time for Christmas. Hosting for his family. Spare bedrooms set up, play room cleared and ready, massive food shop, cakes made, mincepies created, seating plans prepared, all the meals planned and prepared and where possible frozen and ready for the next two weeks of visitors. All the while keeping two children occupied on school holidays and keeping company a relative who has arrived early to avoid the public transport crush.


He works from home and said he would schedule himself around helping me, just do the odd bit of work to show he has been on duty today and yesterday.


Yet again, nothing! Did the dog walk and that was it.


His only task on the run up to this weekend was to get his office tidied ready to accommodate four beds for a children's dorm, when I went in to do the clean yesterday, I discovered nothing had been done, so spent last night when I was meant to be preparing one of the advanced meals shifting stuff around his office. No help from him yesterday, I said I needed help.


Despite asking on three separate occasions today for help he has done nothing. Now had a massive blow up where apparently I am being unreasonable.


Do I have the most useless husband on earth, please tell me your husbands are more helpful than this.


I am fed up being treated like the hired hand. I don't feel there is any respect. I am fed up putting all this effort in and having absolutely no assistance. I would much sooner cancel Christmas and help in a soup kitchen

selement

My OH isn't always the best at realising what needs doing so set tasks may help. Obviously he didn't manage the one you did set, if it was me I'd ask directly - please can you do this now because I need to do x. I would usually add how stressed and overwhelmed I feel and that usually gets mine into action

Peter333

Just don't do it. Don't do all you do. Why are you doing it? Is he making you?

Do you HAVE to do all this? Are you being held at gunpoint?!

Tell everyone next year that you are 'not doing Christmas.'

Sounds like you are making work for yourself and are stressing about stuff that doesn't need to be stressed about.

Sounds to me like he is just chillin' and not stressing. Maybe try it?

Sorry, but I find all this ridiculous..

Yet again I find myself dashing around getting everything ready in time for Christmas. Hosting for his family. Spare bedrooms set up, play room cleared and ready, massive food shop, cakes made, mincepies created, seating plans prepared, all the meals planned and prepared and where possible frozen and ready for the next two weeks of visitors. All the while keeping two children occupied on school holidays and keeping company a relative who has arrived early to avoid the public transport crush.

Why are you doing all this, and putting yourself through it?

Maybe he just thinks it's all as ridiculous as I think it is.

Hell would freeze over before I would be bothered with all this faff, and the same goes for my wife.

Learn to chill, and stop stressing yourself out.

You don't HAVE to do ANY of what you are complaining about.

You really don't!!!

From how you are ranting on this thread, I actually feel a bit sorry for your husband to be honest.

You sound like an army Major!

McKneff

Look at my signature, substitute any word for the one there that says 'inferior'


Stop allowing him/them to treat you like a door mat.


Get on a train, go away for a couple of days....on your own.

Peter333

McKneff wrote: »

Look at my signature, substitute any word for the one there that says 'inferior'

Stop allowing him/them to treat you like a door mat.

Get on a train, go away for a couple of days....on your own.

He's really not treating her like a doormat. She is doing 100 things that she does not need to be doing, and is causing way too much stress for herself, and he knows this and realises that NONE of it is necessary. So he is detaching himself from it. I don't blame him!

From what I can see, she is bringing all this stress on herself, and he is doing nothing wrong.

JIL

Have a read of the book women are from Venus men are from Mars. It may help. It may be because you are so super organised that he does not know where to start. I need a little rest just reading about how much you have done, you put me to shame.

duchy

He works , the OP is a SAHM (Frankly working from home is a PITA if the rest of the household think you can stop working at the drop of a hat to do "stuff" or run errands)

My feeling when I was a SAHM was that all those tasks were my domain - although I'm at an utter loss why the OP needs two weeks of entertaining and even table plans. (really ? for family ???)

Cut back next year - tell the family it's someone else's turn-

pigpen

Mine does whatever I ask.. but I ask nicely and he knows I will just do it myself and struggle with it if he doesn't help... and I have the most amazing temper and stubborn streak if I don't get help.

Last year I spent 3 days raging because no one helped me tidy the front room to put up the tree so we had no tree... I have not let them forget it all year... this year they are all most helpful once more.. they learned.. they don't help, they don't get.

Next year... help in the soup kitchen... just do it.. see what you prefer, its no good saying you would prefer to do that if you're not prepared to actually experience it!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

So what did you want him to do? Seems like you've got a massive mental checklist (seating plans? Do you live in a stately home?).

Does he cook? Would you let him?

I feel intimidated by somebody who won't sit on the sofa with a laptop and G&T, ordering the stuff online at their leisure - and I'm just reading your post. This may be because of your phrasing - a Children's Dorm makes me think of you maybe being ex military/a forces brat and very structured - to the extent that I'd probably take the Dog on a walk to the nearest pub for the afternoon to ensure I didn't get under your feet either.


The way we're doing it is that he's done a bit, I've done a bit and we've compared notes for Xmas shopping tomorrow morning (along the lines of 'We'll start here, you take one half, I'll take the other and we'll meet in the pub later'. Same with cooking; 'you sort breakfast, you do the roasties, I'll sort the veg and whoever isn't sozzled and snoring on the sofa when it's ready will dish up. And if it's burned, we'll go to the pub once the smoke alarms stop bleeping'. Oh, and whilst we know we're having a roast dinner of some kind, we're still a bit vague on what it's going to be; depends on what's not too expensive tomorrow morning.



It's so relaxed, it's a joy to spend Christmas together.

Maybe it's not that he's useless, it's that he's either waiting for specific requests so as to not mess with your system - or that he is keeping his head down and hoping it all blows over (whilst working during what sounds like a whirlwind of activity goes on around him)?

Georgiegirl256

Peter333 wrote: »

Just don't do it. Don't do all you do. Why are you doing it? Is he making you?

Do you HAVE to do all this? Are you being held at gunpoint?!

Tell everyone next year that you are 'not doing Christmas.'

Sounds like you are making work for yourself and are stressing about stuff that doesn't need to be stressed about.

Sounds to me like he is just chillin' and not stressing. Maybe try it?

Sorry, but I find all this ridiculous..

Why are you doing all this, and putting yourself through it?

Maybe he just thinks it's all as ridiculous as I think it is.

Hell would freeze over before I would be bothered with all this faff, and the same goes for my wife.

Learn to chill, and stop stressing yourself out.

You don't HAVE to do ANY of what you are complaining about.

You really don't!!!

From how you are ranting on this thread, I actually feel a bit sorry for your husband to be honest.

You sound like an army Major!

I don't know what's going on lately Peter? If I'm coming down with a temperature or something? But I'm finding myself agreeing with you yet again!

Ditto to what you've said above, and also what duchy mentioned about the OP being a SAHM and the husband working (presumably full time?), that most of those tasks should be the OP's domain. Not all of course and yes the husband should chip in and help if and when he can.

I think you're making things way harder than they need to be OP. Seating plans? Who needs seating plans for a family get together? Spounds like you're running things like a military operation.

jayII

Mine is helpful, but then we both work full time in tough jobs and I'm usually the first to leave and the last to arrive home.

I would agree that you're over-complicating things and need to simplify your Christmas. If your OH is working from home and supporting the whole family financially by doing so, then his work time needs to be sacrosanct. Simplify Christmas and start to enjoy and appreciate his good points, rather than complaining about what he doesn't do for you.