Please tell me your husbands are more helpful than mine...

maman

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Isn't that the best way? In my experience, women are rarely happy with the way that household chores have been executed by me so invariably insist on doing them again themselves.

I might as well spend the time doing something more suitable for my skillset, like traditional man stuff, or even just sit on my ärse and not bother doing them the first time around.

Peter999 wrote: »

I did all the work on a Monday morning and Thursday morning and found it a complete breeze compared to working. In came a drier, K-mix, Karcher and anything to make things easier. I completely loved it, ironing in front of the TV is great.

For the three Christmases during this time I again did everything. I got all the food from M&S and just had to heat it up, no problem whatsoever. Two of the years we had alternate her parents and my parents around, no stress at all nice and simple.

I do recognise the martyr syndrome. I was talking to a friend only last week who was moaning that she'd have to do everything and that's with two teenagers and a partner in the house! More fool her for letting it happen IMO. And it's not just at Christmas. I think Parkinson's Law applies to many SAHMs.



I'm fortunate in that I've inherited a DH well trained by his mother. She had 11 children and the 4 eldest were boys so when younger ones came along they were expected to help run the home. Gender didn't come into it.


So he has a skill set that's maybe different from the average.


I don't feel pressured in any way. He'll have a clean around later today. I don't think it needs it but if it makes him happy then no problem. I'm organised and the jobs I have to do will happen but not take over my holiday.

Pollycat

Gavin83 wrote: »

It's her job. If she wants to share out the household chores then she can get a full time job. He brings in the money, she keeps the home. It's a bit of an overly traditional setup for me personally but if you go for this then it should work this way.

Honestly I think anyone expecting not to work while their partner does and then share the chores 50/50 is being totally unreasonable.

I can't see anywhere in the post where the OP says she does or doesn't work, although I have asked this question.

From the OP's profile, she had a vent then logged off and hasn't been back since.

I hope she's not spent all night sorting this kids' dorm out.

jaylee3

Peter333 wrote: »

Just don't do it; is he making you?

Are you being held at gunpoint?!

Tell everyone next year that you are 'not doing Christmas.'

Sounds like you are making work for yourself and are stressing about stuff that doesn't need to be stressed about. Sounds to me like he is just chillin' and not stressing. Maybe he just thinks it's all as ridiculous as I think it is.

Hell would freeze over before I would be bothered with all this faff, and the same goes for my wife.

Learn to chill, and stop stressing yourself out.

You don't HAVE to do ANY of what you are complaining about.

You really don't!!!

From how you are ranting on this thread, I actually feel a bit sorry for your husband to be honest.

You sound like an army Major!

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I think you're making things way harder than they need to be OP. Seating plans? Who needs seating plans for a family get together? Sounds like you're running things like a military operation.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I agree he should help, but maybe he thinks some of the things you are doing are irrelevant/over the top (seating plan/children's dormitory/making everything from scratch) and maybe he feels he can't compete with your whirlwind efficiency. Give him specific tasks and a timescale to do them by. Just relax. It's only Christmas, not a military operation.

onlyroz wrote: »

It does also sound like you're doing far too much. It sounds like you've got an army descending on your household for weeks. Just why, if it stresses you out so much?

Couldn't agree more with the above posts, and many others on here.

Why on EARTH are you putting herself through all this 'counting pennies?' What you say you have to do, is just out of this world absurd (like people have mentioned; seating plans, and dozens of relatives staying... why?) :huh:

I agree with the people saying that I would hate to be at your house at Christmas as I would feel I would get in the way of your regimental plans.

I agree with the posters saying that there is no need at all for you to be doing all that you mention in your OP, and that you're coming across as having 'martyr syndrome.'

http://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-the-Symptoms-of-Martyr-Syndrome

Person_one

Gavin83 wrote: »

It's her job. If she wants to share out the household chores then she can get a full time job. He brings in the money, she keeps the home. It's a bit of an overly traditional setup for me personally but if you go for this then it should work this way.

Honestly I think anyone expecting not to work while their partner does and then share the chores 50/50 is being totally unreasonable.

I'm pretty sure onlyroz works full time actually.

duchy

Pollycat wrote: »

I can't see anywhere in the post where the OP says she does or doesn't work, although I have asked this question.

From the OP's profile, she had a vent then logged off and hasn't been back since.

I hope she's not spent all night sorting this kids' dorm out.

Pretty sure from her previous posts that she is a SAHM if I'm remembering correctly.

74jax

dirty_magic wrote: »

I couldn't do this. I like my OHs family and I'd be so embarrassed and feel awful if they'd bought us presents and we'd done nothing, especially as we all open presents together instead of just delivering them beforehand.

.

I know it wouldn't work for everyone, but we just fell into the routine of how we buy for people.


I think I might make sure he's bought if we were visiting, but we don't, my mum is 2 hours away and his are about 7 hours away, so we never see them on Christmas Day. I know he's always late with birthday presents for his family too, I think they just accept 'that's how he is'. I wouldn't dream of his shopping ways, I love to plan etc, but each to their own.

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

I'm pretty sure onlyroz works full time actually.

Was Gavin talking about me or the OP?


I do work full time, and while I probably do more than my fair share of the housework we have a more equal split in other things like cooking and childcare.

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

Was Gavin talking about me or the OP?


I do work full time, and while I probably do more than my fair share of the housework we have a more equal split in other things like cooking and childcare.

Not sure, he quoted my post which quoted yours though.

Person_one

74jax wrote: »

My hubby sorts his family out, I do mine. If he forgets his... As he has done, he has to fix it.

we do have a cleaner so can't argue over that, but we only have a cleaner as he wouldn't clean and I couldn't see why it should be me who did it. So we got a cleaner to sort that problem.

He does cook, better than me, and does the weekly shop.

Whether my hubby I'd more helpful than yours doesn't really help you tho, if you're unhappy then it needs to be addressed.

I hope he pays for the cleaner!

Tigsteroonie

dirty_magic wrote: »

I can understand the OPs frustration tbh. I know that men often need to be asked to do something specifically, but why should it be that way? Why can't a man look and see something needs to be done too?

For the same reason that many women cannot listen to a car engine and work out that it sounds wrong and why that may be. Or the same reason why mums can interpret a baby's cry as meaning 'feed me' when dads struggle. Both genders have their strengths, their innate abilities, but they can be quite different. What strikes a woman as needing to be done, doesn't necessarily strike a man as necessary.

The trick is to play to these abilities for a smooth life

Marley is fantastic with our son, a pretty good cook, but not a huge wage earner. Therefore I work, he is the stay at home parent; and fits gardening and cleaning into that home routine.

I'm a morning person, and he is not. Therefore I took our young son to the supermarket at 7:30am, when we were both very awake, to get the last food shopping bought before the crowds. Staying up later than me, Marley will be making sure Santa eats his apple pie and drinks his whisky after filling the stockings