Please tell me your husbands are more helpful than mine...

seven-day-weekend

I agree he should help, but maybe he thinks some of the things you are doing are irrelevant/over the top (seating plan/children's dormitory/making everything from scratch) and maybe he feels he can't compete with your whirlwind efficiency. Give him specific tasks and a timescale to do them by.

By far the best advice for you is COMMUNICATE. After you have done that, just take time for both of you to sit down with a glass of red/glass of champagne/tipple of choice and just relax. It's only Christmas, not a military operation.

onlyroz

Men often need specific instructions. My husband would do absolutely nothing around the house given a choice but if you give him a specific task to do then he'll usually get on with it. And I do mean very specific. So "Could you tidy up the office?" probably wouldn't work. But "Could you move all those boxes out the way, hoover up and dust the shelves?" would probably get a result.


It does also sound like you're doing far too much. It sounds like you've got an army descending on your household for weeks. Just why, if it stresses you out so much?

duchy

This is very true
My partner is far more domesticated than I am - and does stuff before I even ask . I really appreciate it because my ex husband would say he'd help but was hopeless. He'd need very specific instructions as to what needed to be done and a very clear timeframe or it simply wouldn't get done- and I'd be seething - and he'd be like the OP's husband wondering why I was getting stressed.

euronorris wrote: »

My hubby's not a mind-reader, so he's no good with vague requests of 'can you help please'. I've learnt to be more specific and say 'could you please tidy x room by x date/time', 'could you please hoover x room, or all rooms' etc etc.


He's working part time at the moment, so is home before me, and there was still some meat and bits and pieces we needed for Christmas, so I left him a list of items for him to get and asked him to go get them, oh and to drop a card into the neighbours at number 18. He did it, no problem. If I'd just said 'can you get some shopping please', it wouldn't have happened as he'd have had no idea what I wanted him to get! lol

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

Men often need specific instructions. My husband would do absolutely nothing around the house given a choice

If he lived alone or with a male flatmate I'm sure he'd figure it out.

Sorry to go all feminist but it always disappoints me how many households still fall into old fashioned gender roles on this issue. Even where the men 'help' plenty it still seems to be mostly women who organise and take responsibility for household chores.

I vaguely remember a study that said that single men who move in with a partner drop the time they spend doing housework by about 50% while single women who move in with a partner up it by about the same!

Gloomendoom

Person_one wrote: »

If he lived alone or with a male flatmate I'm sure he'd figure it out.

Sorry to go all feminist but it always disappoints me how many households still fall into old fashioned gender roles on this issue. Even where the men 'help' plenty it still seems to be mostly women who organise and take responsibility for household chores.

Isn't that the best way? In my experience, women are rarely happy with the way that household chores have been executed by me so invariably insist on doing them again themselves.

I might as well spend the time doing something more suitable for my skillset, like traditional man stuff, or even just sit on my ärse and not bother doing them the first time around.

xHannahx

My husband has done everything this year, due to me being heavily pregnant and then having the baby a couple of days ago.

Problem is he has done it all in his way and what and how he wants things. Next year I think I'd rather do it on my own without his help!

Gloomendoom

xHannahx wrote: »

My husband has done everything this year, due to me being heavily pregnant and then having the baby a couple of days ago.

Problem is he has done it all in his way and what and how he wants things. Next year I think I'd rather do it on my own without his help!

I rest my case!!!!!!!!!!!!!

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

If he lived alone or with a male flatmate I'm sure he'd figure it out.

Sorry to go all feminist but it always disappoints me how many households still fall into old fashioned gender roles on this issue. Even where the men 'help' plenty it still seems to be mostly women who organise and take responsibility for household chores.

I vaguely remember a study that said that single men who move in with a partner drop the time they spend doing housework by about 50% while single women who move in with a partner up it by about the same!

I know a number of men who happily lived in absolute flea-pits. I don't know any women like this (with the possible exception of my mother). I can only go by my own experiences but I have observed far more men than women who just don't consider general cleanliness and tidiness to be that important.

Kantankrus_Mare

Who's family is it that is coming to stay?

If its his........I would not be hosting next year and if its yours.......you need to let them know its all getting too much for you and to maybe find other accomodation.

Im lucky......I was out of action last week with pharyngitis and OH has done majority of shopping and wrapping which I really appreciate.

We usually do it as a team though.

dirty_magic

I can understand the OPs frustration tbh. I know that men often need to be asked to do something specifically, but why should it be that way? Why can't a man look and see something needs to be done too? It is for his family after all. It's 2015 and the lions share of the housework and food shopping still seems to come down to the woman.

Everyone saying 'just don't do it'; it's not always that simple. You can't just not do anything and have an entire family turn up with nowhere to sleep and nothing to eat. My OH is so laid back that I think that would be a possibility if we had his family over to us!

It does sound like there are things you could cut out though OP. I'd scrap making cakes and mince pies and I'd definitely scrap the seating plan. I'd also try to get someone else to take their turn next year. I've been trying to get my mom to do this for ages, it's not easy cooking for a big family.