Just wondering what you would make of this

pollypenny

I would never take a present for a new baby without a small something for the big sister or brother, who could well be feeling a little pushed out.

Mojisola

pollypenny wrote: »

I would never take a present for a new baby without a small something for the big sister or brother, who could well be feeling a little pushed out.

Me too and I always pay some attention to the older siblings before making a fuss over the new baby - but I don't give presents to all the children when one has a birthday.

Children have to learn that there are occasions when they will get a gift and others don't and vice versa.

skattykatty

It sounds like granddad doesn't have the energy, or wherewithal, to manage or tolerate whatever his granddaughter may say or do in response to her brother's gift.

At least now you can review how you manage these situations in future. You did the best you could at the time. Next year you could make it very clear to all that only children at the nursery will receive gifts and there are no 'spares' for siblings. One present per child policy!

Aside: I've been astounded to see people buy birthday gifts for the siblings of children celebrating their birthday (something I've noticed happening over the past 5 years) Birthdays are for celebrating the birthday boy/girl and for other children to learn how to celebrate their siblings, knowing that they, in turn, will be celebrated when it's their turn. Otherwise birthdays will also become meaningless, consumerist, rituals! IT's not all about 'stuff'

Jagraf

I find "equalling out" fascinating - as though parents are able to do this for ever! It happens with sports days still. Then, when a sibling achieves something the other diesnt (passes driving test, gets more gcses etc) peopke feel awkward.

I don't blame the grandad at all. He's probably well confused and just carrying out the parents wishes.

Having said that, it's just a present. it means nothing. It's a first world problem.

SingleSue

toniq wrote: »

You never know what is going on with the little girl, She could have austism or something similar and that present issue could be a trigger point, you said she was a handful previously, you just don't know.

Believe me I know about trigger points and the things you do to avoid them.

But all above is just my speculation, who knows, not the best way to do it but he asked and you gave. Maybe he should handle it different, no idea unless we knew the background of it all.

What we do know is that he cares enough to bring the kids over the years to toddler groups and is involved and a good helper whilst there.
x

As a parent of two autistic children, they would be taught coping mechanisms to deal with the triggers rather than just pandering to the triggers.

We don't avoid the triggers, we help them to deal with them.

SingleSue

skattykatty wrote: »

It sounds like granddad doesn't have the energy, or wherewithal, to manage or tolerate whatever his granddaughter may say or do in response to her brother's gift.

At least now you can review how you manage these situations in future. You did the best you could at the time. Next year you could make it very clear to all that only children at the nursery will receive gifts and there are no 'spares' for siblings. One present per child policy!

Aside: I've been astounded to see people buy birthday gifts for the siblings of children celebrating their birthday (something I've noticed happening over the past 5 years) Birthdays are for celebrating the birthday boy/girl and for other children to learn how to celebrate their siblings, knowing that they, in turn, will be celebrated when it's their turn. Otherwise birthdays will also become meaningless, consumerist, rituals! IT's not all about 'stuff'

My two eldest sons have birthdays which are very close together in dates but 3 years apart so when they celebrated their 18th and 21st, it was easier to have a joint party. Youngest was shocked and surprised (but very chuffed), to receive a financial gift from one family member as they thought he would feel left out otherwise.

It's never been a thing in our family, so for him it was completely weird for someone to do that, he enjoyed spending it though :rotfl: