Just wondering what you would make of this

Pollycat

McKneff wrote: »

Are you for real !!!!!! :rotfl::rotfl:

Maybe read some of that poster's other 'contributions'.......

duchy

gabriel1980 wrote: »

I think he was very wise about this. When one children gets a present and the other doesn't, this can have a very negative effect on children. Sure it wasn't right in front of her, but it might still upset her.

Presumably you are an only child and no children of your own

How would you expect the parents to handle it when the older child comes home from school with her gift from Santa (and no gift for her sibling ) ? Should Mum take the gift off the older child ? Grandpa didn't think it through -and I think you are seeing it as he did-.


As for "The older child might be autistic and have a meltdown" Oh please......Whilst not under estimating the force of autistic related meltdowns (My son is autistic I know all about it- trust me ) that isn't any reason for the grandfather to have done what he did. He could have got the other child a gift himself on the way home if the family dealt with every meltdown with bribes (not really the best parenting rewarding the tantrum and not one I subscribed to . Most todddler groups run on very tight budgets. If all parents acted as he did to extort an extra gift then the children who actually attend will be the one losing out as presents will eventually be stopped as too expensive. Had he tried it at the five year old's school he'd have been told No and a flag raised on the child's school records about possible family issues by some teachers - so another good reason to speak to Mum and explain gifts were only for children who were there attending the party and Grand dad put the staff in a difficult position as they wouldn't have wanted him to take the gift away from the child.

If my Dad had pulled a stunt like that I'd have been mortified and explained to him why that was different to "everyone gets it or no-one gets it" at home or when the kids visit them. I do wonder if maybe he has before bought a gift for one child and not the other and was told it wasn't acceptable by the parents -and just didn't understand the school dynamic is different - as both get but at different times.

suejb2

It was up to the grandad to placate the granddaughter if need be,sucking up to him was wrong. If this family has more children will you provide them in the future?

What happens with party bags?

LannieDuck

Pollycat wrote: »

Sorry, LannieDuck, my post wasn't very clear (just been having a couple of rants about 2 different ebay sellers).

If your 2 year old had been at the party and your elder child at school, what would you have done with the gift?

I would have accepted the gift for the 2 yo, no question. I do insist that toys and books are shared, however. So the present would 'belong' to the 2yo - she would unwrap it and she would have primary rights to play with it - but she'd have to let her sister play a bit too sometimes.

(When the 2yo started to be old enough to play with toys, inevitably almost every toy in the house belonged to the 4yo. DD1's been very good at sharing with her younger sister, and for fairness it's going to have to work the other way around too....)

LannieDuck

pollyanna24 wrote: »

In this day and age, I doubt whether the little girl would notice that her brother got a gift and she didn't. Gone are the days where it would be something special where the little boy would carry it (say a book) for days. It probably would just get lost in the midst of all their other toys by the time the girl came home from school.

lol, not with my two. You wouldn't believe how quickly the 4yo spots that something new has entered the house. Especially if it's being played with by her sister!

Pollycat

LannieDuck wrote: »

I would have accepted the gift for the 2 yo, no question. I do insist that toys and books are shared, however. So the present would 'belong' to the 2yo - she would unwrap it and she would have primary rights to play with it - but she'd have to let her sister play a bit too sometimes.

(When the 2yo started to be old enough to play with toys, inevitably almost every toy in the house belonged to the 4yo. DD1's been very good at sharing with her younger sister, and for fairness it's going to have to work the other way around too....)

From what you posted initially I thought you'd say that.

And I think you've got it spot on. :T

SandC

I'm glad you all don't think this is a normal thing to do. I know someone who had a baby shower before her second daughter was born (organised by herself, but that's a whole other thread). Daughter #1 was given a big box full of gifts on that occasion......

Daughter #2's first birthday comes along the other week. Daughter #1 was given presents also.

This has to be a pattern forming that will be difficult to get out of but hey ho....

pollyanna24

LannieDuck wrote: »

lol, not with my two. You wouldn't believe how quickly the 4yo spots that something new has entered the house. Especially if it's being played with by her sister!

It's hit and miss with my two and would depend what the gift is I guess.

But I'm with all the others. If one of my two gets something, it doesn't automatically mean that the other will.

If one comes out with sweets from school as it was someone's birthday, some of the other mums make their kids share. I don't. It's up to my children to share that kind of thing.

Toys at home. Again, some are shared, some aren't.

I don't deliberately leave one child out, but sometimes that's the way things go.

Person_one

SandC wrote: »

I'm glad you all don't think this is a normal thing to do. I know someone who had a baby shower before her second daughter was born (organised by herself, but that's a whole other thread). Daughter #1 was given a big box full of gifts on that occasion......

Daughter #2's first birthday comes along the other week. Daughter #1 was given presents also.

This has to be a pattern forming that will be difficult to get out of but hey ho....

I know I'll get a load of flak for this, but what hell...

My parents and grandparents have always had a 'tradition' since the sixties that siblings get a small token present on each other's birthdays. My siblings who are parents themselves now do the same. It hasn't at all resulted in entitlement, jealousy or anything negative, but in siblings who are close as adults and who value things like kindness and fairness most highly and aren't remotely materialistic.

They never expected anybody else to do the same of course. I don't really see why it's so terrible, and it wasn't at all hard to break the pattern. My mum in her fifties doesn't expect presents on her siblings' birthdays still funnily enough!

Oh and I would never turn up to see a new baby without a little something for the older siblings.

heartbreak_star

Person_one wrote: »

They never expected anybody else to do the same of course.

That's the most important bit. Seems like the family in the original post did...

HBS x