Just wondering what you would make of this

seven-day-weekend

heartbreak_star wrote: »

That's the thing I can't wrap my head around - why not buy a gift for DGD rather than give DGS's gift back?

HBS x

Why not just tell the girl that Santa visited the nursery so the nursery children had gifts, it will be her turn some other time.

jackyann

I think there are 2 issues here, which should not be conflated.

One is the discussion about how the kids are brought up, how grandad handles things.....we all have opinions about that. Unless OP's group is a specifically therapeutic group (and she wouldn't be posting on here if it was!) then OP's and her colleagues input into that is limited.

The other, which I thought was the focus of OP's question, was what should the group do? A clear policy, notice in advance is the answer. And it does realistically have to be group children only, as anything else would be way too complicated & expensive.

If OP & her colleague want to support grandad in dealing with this, they can offer, but depending on the family situation, it may not be wanted.
I have come across this attitude before, and have, in a similar situation to OP, just been firm & clear about the group's policy. The parent in question would not have welcomed any advice on how to handle her 2 children & their jealousies.

I do think OP handled it kindly & well, this time, but has to be clear that this is not a precedent.

It is also possible that the other sibling has a learning disability or other condition. If she has limited comprehension, and difficult behaviour, the family may be struggling to manage her. I am often aware that what looks like poor management can actually be attempts to manage children with serious problems. Quite apart from the other issues, I would agree that grandad buying a tiny gift from the local shops would be the superficial way round it!

seven-day-weekend

Yes, I agree they need to have a 'group policy' on this matter.

Violetta_2

Alternatively Grandad might just be a cheeky git chancing his arm for a freebie pressie for his granddaughter knowing there is no way Devils advocate would let him go through with taking a present off a 2 year old. I may be cynical but there are people like this.

onlyroz

I would have said that there were not enough presents for the older girl to have one. If the grandad wanted to get something else on his way home for her then that's his business, nothing to do with the nursery.

As for buying presents for other siblings on a birthday, I can see why parents might do it, but I don't think it normally extends to other relatives.

Spendless

My DH used to get a 'token' gift on his sisters birthday (50p/£1 - I'm talking in the 70s/early 80s) and vice versa. No other relative did it, we don't repeat in our own family and when I've asked him (just now) what the reason was behind it, he said he didn't know but thought it might have been because they didn't see them that often (FIL was in forces and they spent part of his childhood posted abroad).

Does the playgroup do an occasional newsletter? Some of the ones I used to attend did and a general notice saying that Santa will be at the Christmas party on x date and giving out presents to children who attend the playgroup would give enough info to clarify the situation. I'm also at a loss as to why Grandad didn't nip to the shops and buy something like a £1 selection box for older sibling if it's that big an issue.

Brickwall

I know someone that when one child has a birthday the other two children get as well, the thing I can't get my head around is they all get an expensive present, the birthday child also gets £50, the other two"only" get £20 each.
It's reached a point that every time it's a birthday all three of them are only interested in what they've got. They've admitted to spoiling them, I once asked why they did this and the reply was "they're all we've got"

heartbreak_star

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Why not just tell the girl that Santa visited the nursery so the nursery children had gifts, it will be her turn some other time.

Sorry SDW, I meant if he was adamant both children required gifts

HBS x

DevilsAdvocate1

Thanks for all the replies on this.

I was a bit taken aback at the time. I've had people ask for presents for their friend who couldn't come that day before (and we judge this case by case. If someone attends regularly they get the present. If they've only been once or twice then no). Obviously the children there on the day come first and have to get a present. It would be horrible if we ran out and one child didn't get anything.

I've not experienced this before. The boy is under 2, so might not have realised his granddad was giving the present back. The granddad is really helpful. He attends every week. I've never met the mum or dad as they both work full time. He always comes across as being a really sensible kind hearted man.

I know they really struggled with the granddaughter, to the point that when his daughter announced she was pregnant, they initially told her they could not look after the baby. The plan was for the baby to go to a childminder (who happens to be a friend of mine).

Anyway, they changed their minds during the pregnancy. The childminder is still used, but both children go to her at different times to give the grandparents a break. My friend says the granddaughter is completely different with her.

I think the granddad probably hadn't thought through his request. He clearly loves his grandson, I don't think its a situation where they favour the granddaughter. I just think they're walking on eggshells around her because when she kicks off she's difficult to deal with. So they are trying to pre-empt her tantrums all the time.

I don't think we'll give an extra present again. Anyway, most of the parents have older siblings and it would be impossible to give a present to each one.

duchy

Hopefully this all happened out of the hearing of all other parents or the damage is already done and there will be different expectations from some parents next time you have an event with gifts.