7 years - no proposal

Blueskies21

the other best man hardly spent a penny **

[Deleted User]

What are you saving for? Do you have your own home? Will spending on a wedding mean a future 'dream' won't come about as quickly?

Pixie5740

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Blueskies21 wrote: »

But why should we get a pre nup we met when we were young any money and assets are both ours. We both work hard but he cares more about money than I do. He admits he is controlling with money and needs to save a lot of his money where as I would happily save a comfortable amount. We have had many disagreements about spending our money and he does admit that he is slightly obsessive. What bothers me is that he can splash the cash - but only on something he wants. For instance on his freinds stag do he was splashing outrageously I would say where as the other best man (there were 2 of them) didn't hardly spend a penny.

You need to nip that in the bud. My mum has been putting up with a similar financial situation for almost 40 years now. There is plenty of money when my dad wants to buy something, (yet another drill from B&Q, Auto Glym products to wash the car with, a leaf blower, you get the idea) but when mum suggests something like a holiday she is told they can't afford it yet she knows they can.

Blueskies21

Yes that sounds familiar. We own our own home but are selling it at the moment. When we found out I was pregnant we needed the extra bedroom. We will be using some of our savings for the new deposit but the majority will come from our house sale.

After that we have savings in excess of £10,000. My dad said he would give us £3,000 for a wedding.

I wouldn't want to spend everything on a wedding obviously. But it probably would eat into the savings - which we could both build back up. We have everything we want but he still insists on saving a large amount of our salary (he lost both his parents and I guess it is sensible) but I'm tired of saving saving saving then when we want to spend that we are "foolish" and should save for the things we want - despite having saved.

Person_one

Are you actually happy in this relationship OP?

Blueskies21

On the whole yes. He is an amazing loving person who would do anything for me if it came to it. He's also the most trustworthy and loyal person I know.

He does have bad qualities which we all do but I don't believe I would be better suited to anyone else. I truly do love and respect him. His bad qualities can actually be good in some ways. He is controlling with money especially but because of this he has been able to save lots where as I probably wouldn't have been able to do. He works so hard and loves his job.

Petra_70

Pixie5740 wrote: »

So he gets the small wedding abroad and doesn't have to compromise on anything, that doesn't sound fair. He doesn't want to spend a lot on a wedding, fair enough, but he doesn't want a small wedding in the UK because he thinks it will make him look like a scrooge. However, he is happy for their friends and relatives to use a week of annual leave and spend hundreds if not thousands attending a wedding abroad.

Person_one wrote: »

Problem is, he's said its either a wedding abroad or no wedding, not even a small registry office one. Possibly because he knows the OP doesn't want to marry without her parents, siblings(?) and closest friends there at the very very least, he won't agree to pay to fly them out and she (rightly) won't feel comfortable expecting them to pay for themselves.

Its a great way for him to be able to say he's agreed to get married without actually having to do it.

Well quite.

Also, a wedding abroad can cost a fortune for the guests. I reckon people have weddings abroad, do it so they can exclude people.

burlington6 wrote: »

This is your problem. Stop trying to keep up with your friends. If you're in love with him, leave it at that, live your life and be happy.

Those friends you think have it all will more than likely be single mums/dads in a few year because they rushed in and got everything they ''thought'' they wanted.

I agree with this. I wonder if the is trying to keep up with her friends; I know a few people like this! And as you say, don't rush or it will go belly up. I know a few people who have rushed into getting married, and have had a baby ASAP. It very rarely works out. Not when you get married AND have a child within a year of meeting. What's the rush? Why do people feel the need to take on a commitment as serious as marriage and having a baby so early on in the relationship?

I used to know a woman who met her boyfriend on the same night as her best friend met hers, (they were the same age; 23 at the time,) and she was mortified when her friend announced she was buying a house with her boyfriend just 9 months into the relationship. So within a WEEK of her friend announcing this, she announced she was getting married, and was married within 3 months. She went hell for leather to make sure she got married first.

Then her friend announced she was pregnant, and this woman was flame red with jealousy, and announced 2 months later that she was too. Her friend then said she was mistaken, and appeared to have had a phantom pregnancy. The woman I was talking about still went on and had her baby.

10 years later, this woman's husband left her, (and the two children they now had ,) for another woman, and said he had never loved her, and she had pushed him into marriage, into living together, and into having the children. He has little to do with the children - which is a shame - but he never wanted them, and said he was bullied and coerced into it by her.

I'm not defending him, and he should have been stronger and more assertive, but this is what can happen when you rush people into things they don't want.

Blueskies21

And whilst I am happy in the relationship there are things that make me very unhappy. Like not proposing despite telling me he was going to then getting pregnant and moving the goal posts. And that is why I'm in the situation I am and asking advice. I am happy with him but I just want a little more from the relationship. I'm ready to have our next child but I don't want to without the marriage.

Blueskies21

That's fair enough but we aren't in the early stages of our relationship. We've been together for 7 years I've seen him lost both his parents we have a child and we have bought a house together.

Blueskies21

We are also buying a new house and want a second child - equally want this.