7 years - no proposal

Petra_70

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Exactly.

She found herself in this situation by living with him and not getting married first which doesn't sound like it was her priority at all. She didn't have to get pregnant before she married.

I agree.

Although, I am not sure how this can be resolved now, unless the OP gives her idea to have a massive wedding with all her family and friends invited. Surely she would do that if she REALLY wanted to get married that badly...???

I am still trying to figure out if he genuinely wants a tiny wedding abroad, or whether he doesn't want to get married at all. She really does need to ask him.

heartbreak_star

Torry_Quine wrote: »

She found herself in this situation by living with him and not getting married first which doesn't sound like it was her priority at all. She didn't have to get pregnant before she married.

Accidents happen, and sometimes they are happy accidents.

HBS x

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Exactly.



She found herself in this situation by living with him and not getting married first which doesn't sound like it was her priority at all. She didn't have to get pregnant before she married.

So you'd be in favour of abortion when unmarried women have accidental pregnancies? Not the impression I've got from your previous posts!

Or, shotgun weddings?

There's absolutely no point moralising or dwelling on how the OP could have done things differently. She needs to deal with the situation as it is here and now.

*~Zephyr~*

Person_one wrote: »

So you'd be in favour of abortion when unmarried women have accidental pregnancies? Not the impression I've got from your previous posts!

Or, shotgun weddings?

I doubt it. Torry speaks from the viewpoint of a religious believer, so naturally, she wouldn't support abortion, rather she thinks abstinence before marriage is the preferred route. Nothing wrong with those beliefs. Each to his own.

For the rest of us, where sex before marriage is perfectly reasonable and preferable to abstinence, we have to accept that accidents can happen. Yes, I'm sure the OP would rather have been married before having kids, but as they were both still at Uni when she became pregnant, I expect marriage and babies was the absolute furthest from her mind when she was enjoying a nice roll in the hay with her boyfriend!

Torry_Quine

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Accidents happen, and sometimes they are happy accidents.

HBS x

It wasn't an accident. She was in a sexual realtionship

Person_one wrote: »

So you'd be in favour of abortion when unmarried women have accidental pregnancies? Not the impression I've got from your previous posts!

Or, shotgun weddings?

There's absolutely no point moralising or dwelling on how the OP could have done things differently. She needs to deal with the situation as it is here and now.

Of course not but when you have sex then pregnancy should not come as a surprise and if you don't want to have children before being married then there is one sure way to prevent it happening.

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

I doubt it. Torry speaks from the viewpoint of a religious believer, so naturally, she wouldn't support abortion, rather she thinks abstinence before marriage is the preferred route. Nothing wrong with those beliefs. Each to his own.

For the rest of us, where sex before marriage is perfectly reasonable and preferable to abstinence, we have to accept that accidents can happen. Yes, I'm sure the OP would rather have been married before having kids, but as they were both still at Uni when she became pregnant, I expect marriage and babies was the absolute furthest from her mind when she was enjoying a nice roll in the hay with her boyfriend!

Yes for many sex outwith marriage is accaptable and that's fine. The problem seems that she was happy to be having sex but then comes out with the statement that she wanted to be married first before having children, these two facts are opposing.

TBagpuss

You say your dad will give you £3K for a wedding. Why not talk to your partner and ask him what he would be comfortbale spending from your joint savings on a wedding? Add that to the £3K and set that as a strict budget.
A wedding on £3K is do-able,

£10K isn't a massive amount in savings, particularly if you have a houemove and new baby looming.

However, with what you've said about his controlling tenadancies with money it might make sense for the two of you to sit down and have some serious conversations about money more generally - as you have differing attitudes to money it might make sense for your to agre on an arrangements which splits the income and ougoing between joint outgoings (mortgage, bills, agreed savings etc) and solo - i.e. you could agree that all of your incomes go into one pot, that you then budget for the agreed joint outgoings (including agreed levels of savings, pension investment etc) and the balance is then split between you so you each have some money of your own, and can then each decide how to use that.

Money issues, and different approaches to meony can be a majpor stumbling block for many relationships and it may be that if you can address that issue, other things will become easier.

moneyistooshorttomention

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Accidents happen, and sometimes they are happy accidents.

HBS x

Hmmmm...

I can only speak for what I have noticed personally and, as far as I can see, every single "accident" to date has been "accidentally on purpose" (what some would call "happy accident") - rather than really being an accident iyswim.

I don't advocate accidents - whether genuine or "accidentally on purpose". First priority is to think of the resultant child, second to think of the mans attitude. The would-be mother comes third.

Person_one

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Hmmmm...

I can only speak for what I have noticed personally and, as far as I can see, every single "accident" to date has been "accidentally on purpose" (what some would call "happy accident") - rather than really being an accident iyswim.

I actually find that offensive, as well as massively inaccurate (and I've never been pregnant).

Noctu

TBagpuss wrote: »

You say your dad will give you £3K for a wedding. Why not talk to your partner and ask him what he would be comfortbale spending from your joint savings on a wedding? Add that to the £3K and set that as a strict budget.
A wedding on £3K is do-able,

Also a great point. You can have a nice wedding on £3k - there are lots of hotels doing all inclusive wedding packages starting from £1k upwards - the (very nice) hotel we got married in is doing a £3k package for a Saturday wedding for everything for 40 guests during the day, 80 on the night. Obviously you'd need to get outfits and rings but they can be had fairly cheaply. They also do a weekday wedding on the same lines for just over £2k.

If your dad is willing to stump up the cash for a wedding - and it could pay for the bulk of it - then I can't see how your partner can argue it on finances alone.

sheramber

On the whole yes. He is an amazing loving person who would do anything for me if it came to it.

Except propose to you or marry you.