7 years - no proposal

enthusiasticsaver

My mum and stepdad got married in a lovely country hotel but had a small number of guests, just children and grandchildren so there was 18 of us and it was lovely. Both were widowed so did not want the big wedding and yes I know they are older than you but the principle still stands. Can you just invite parents, siblings and a few close friends and get married in a hotel and tell your OH he does not have to make a speech or even have a best man? You can still have the dress and bridesmaids but without all the other traditions. Just keep it small and intimate and it would still be lovely. Of course this will only work if you are not going to resent him for denying you a big wedding if you are truly set on this. My OH and I got married in a small local church 33 years ago and had a reception in a marquee in my parents back garden. About 50 guests and no speeches but I still had the wedding dress and it was lovely and we managed to speak to all our guests and everyone enjoyed the day. My sister did the whole big event a few years later in a hotel with 200 odd guests and it felt much less personal but it was what she wanted. It may not be the last compromise you have to make so find a way to make it work if you really want to marry him.

Blueskies21

Haha, yes except that.

Thanks for the the replies. I have decided that there is no point putting anymore pressure on him otherwise it will feel forced and id rather not do that. He knows where I stand we have had several conversations about it.

I have decided I should not be in any rush. Yes id like another child and a close sibling for my son but unfortunately as has been spoke about previously he was born when myself and his dad weren't really ready so we are still playing catch up and I can't expect a close sibling for him really.

So I am still sure I won't have another child without the marriage whether that be in 6 months, 1 year or 2 years. I am sure it will happen one day and therefore I'm going to try and relax about the timing and I think that should help me.

selement

It took my partner 5 years to propose to me and we are similar ages to you (except I'm the older one). I think the details of intimate wedding, large wedding, here or abroad are for discussion after you get engaged. Because we all know that REALLY it doesn't matter, but the time for details is after you've secured the engagement.
Currently it sounds like knowing you'll want something he hates is putting him off proposing, when I'm sure if its his way or not at all you'll go for his way. Sorry if i'm retreading ground here, I read the first page and haven't read all 7... (sorry being lazy)

barbiedoll

Blueskies21 wrote: »

Haha, yes except that.

Thanks for the the replies. I have decided that there is no point putting anymore pressure on him otherwise it will feel forced and id rather not do that. He knows where I stand we have had several conversations about it.

I have decided I should not be in any rush. Yes id like another child and a close sibling for my son but unfortunately as has been spoke about previously he was born when myself and his dad weren't really ready so we are still playing catch up and I can't expect a close sibling for him really.

So I am still sure I won't have another child without the marriage whether that be in 6 months, 1 year or 2 years. I am sure it will happen one day and therefore I'm going to try and relax about the timing and I think that should help me.

That sounds like a good thing for both of you. But in the meantime, do make sure that you read up on the legalities of living together without being married. Make sure that you both have wills (don't let him fob you off about this, it's money well spent) and that you have documentation in place regarding your share of the house. Make sure that any insurance policies have you named as the beneficiary, and perhaps think about keeping your money separate from him, if he's controlling now, he may get worse, especially if you have another child and you give up work for a while. If you're financially reliant on him, are you sure that he'll be happy to let you have enough money to buy stuff for the kids etc?

I hope it all works out for you and that your house move and your future plans go as you hope

Petra_70

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Hmmmm...

I can only speak for what I have noticed personally and, as far as I can see, every single "accident" to date has been "accidentally on purpose" (what some would call "happy accident") - rather than really being an accident iyswim.

I don't advocate accidents - whether genuine or "accidentally on purpose". First priority is to think of the resultant child, second to think of the man's attitude. The would-be mother comes third.

I agree. IMO, if a woman gets pregnant 'accidently,' (which means it wasn't planned,) then why would she not have an abortion? If she goes ahead and has it, that suggests to me that it may not have been the 'accident' that she claims it was, and also, it suggests strongly that she wanted a baby. Otherwise, why keep it? :huh:

Moreover, if a woman does not want to get pregnant, then she will endeavour to make sure she doesn't get pregnant. It's not that hard. There are many different forms of contraception, and I am very skeptical about women who get pregnant and then go on to keep it, and claim it was an accident. As I said, if they didn't want a baby, but they 'accidently' get pregnant, then why do they keep it?

Artytarty

Because not everyone thinks termination is the right thing to do?

Pixie5740

Petra_70 wrote: »

I agree. IMO, if a woman gets pregnant 'accidently,' (which means it wasn't planned,) then why would she not have an abortion? If she goes ahead and has it, that suggests to me that it may not have been the 'accident' that she claims it was, and also, it suggests strongly that she wanted a baby. Otherwise, why keep it? :huh:

Moreover, if a woman does not want to get pregnant, then she will endeavour to make sure she doesn't get pregnant. It's not that hard. There are many different forms of contraception, and I am very skeptical about women who get pregnant and then go on to keep it, and claim it was an accident. As I said, if they didn't want a baby, but they 'accidently' get pregnant, then why do they keep it?

There are a number of reasons why women with accidental pregnancies go ahead and keep the baby.

Religious, ethical, psychological, because they wanted children one day further down the line but now that it's here why not go ahead anyway as there's never the perfect time to have a child, because she was told/thought she could never get pregnant or perhaps he didn't have very good swimmers and it turns out that one made it. Lots of reasons.

After having 2 children my aunt had her tubes tied and still got pregnant, had them tied again and still got pregnant so accidents can happen even though you think you've done everything medically possible to prevent pregnancy through vaginal sex. Eventually my uncle had to get the snip. Being a catholic I doubt she considered abortion as an option and why not bring these unplanned children into a stable and loving family?

You probably just don't hear about women with unplanned pregnancies who go on to have abortions as it's not something we really talk about.

Some forms of contraception just don't work for some people. It's a risk you accept when you have sex with someone of the opposite sex.

Tamsin_Temrin

barbiedoll wrote: »

That sounds like a good thing for both of you. But in the meantime, do make sure that you read up on the legalities of living together without being married. Make sure that you both have wills (don't let him fob you off about this, it's money well spent) and that you have documentation in place regarding your share of the house. Make sure that any insurance policies have you named as the beneficiary, and perhaps think about keeping your money separate from him, if he's controlling now, he may get worse, especially if you have another child and you give up work for a while. If you're financially reliant on him, are you sure that he'll be happy to let you have enough money to buy stuff for the kids etc?

I hope it all works out for you and that your house move and your future plans go as you hope

Actually, make him look up the legalities of living together without marriage. https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Protect your ability to look after your child. Assume you will never be married. Have really good times around that - you obviously have a connection so enjoy that, just put the safeguards in place.

Noctu

Mm. My mum didn't know she was pregnant with me. They were using contraception (which obviously failed) and she was still having periods. No other symptoms. Didn't realise til 6 months in when she visited her GP confused about tummy specific weight gain (!) and she'd split up from my father a matter of days after I was accidentally concieved...

It can, and does, happen.

GoldenShadow

My initial thoughts were around why is he going to want to spend £££ when you are living as man and wife already albeit not legally. My OH knows perfectly well there will be no babies before there are two rings on my finger, marriage is something that I need in place to go down that road. I've always been the marrying kind though and my OH has always known that, but not everyone talks about it. My friend found out on her hen do that her husband to be wanted kids, they honestly hadn't asked about it and she didn't think he wanted them :eek:

He sounds like he knows how much it would mean to you, so I think you need to leave the ball in his court and worry about the rest as it happens.