7 years - no proposal

Gigervamp

And now I'm expecting those posters to say "I didn't say ALL accidental pregnancies, just most"!

lemonpopcorn

OP I felt similar in my mid twenties about wanting to get married to my OH but we weren't financially in a position to get married due to wanting his large family there to celebrate with us.
We lived together and had children but I felt that marriage was something we needed to do.
In hindsight it was more about my own insecurity as he wasn't really invested in the relationship despite our circumstances. I believed marriage would provide that security.

We never did get married but even if we did I don't think that would have stopped us parting because the behaviour that caused us to split would still have been there regardless of marriage.

If he treats you well and you trust him and that trust is well placed then whether you get married now, next year, in ten years will ultimately not matter.

It's the quality of your relationship that will determine whether you stay together, a marriage certificate doesn't give you that.

I am concerned about the number of excuses he is giving for not getting married and I think this is something you need to discuss in more depth, however it could be something to do with not being able to have his parents there if he's lost them both.
I lost my dad at a young age and it caused a lot of internal conflict for me when thinking about getting married.

LilElvis

Gigervamp wrote: »

And now I'm expecting those posters to say "I didn't say ALL accidental pregnancies, just most"!

You are, apparently, one of the one in five where it was a genuine, bona fide, 100% not trapping a man unplanned pregnancy.

fashionvictim

I have been with my partner 7 years and no proposal, he also has a similar number of excuses especially about being centre of attention. He always says he wants to get married but......

Personally I have tired various suggestions

And l why does he have to do a speech at all ? Or you could do a joint one for example.

Ultimately an excuse is an excuse he doesn't want to. I accept it now ..might be a bit bitter ..meh

Trek_girl

LilElvis wrote: »

You are, apparently, one of the one in five where it was a genuine, bona fide, 100% not trapping a man unplanned pregnancy.

To the person who says unplanned pregnancies are intentional.

Did you not know that 83% of statistics are made up on the spot?

Have you ever met anyone with haemorrhoids? Have you had a chat about what the best cream is to use? Apart from Aunt Mabel who always over-shares and when you had to collect Grandad's prescription. Probably not. Does that mean you have never met anyone with them? No. Only that they have not discussed that with you.

Abortion has always been a big taboo and only stopped being illegal in living memory. Very few talk about it and even then only to trusted friends. Some do not even tell the man involved.

Some people have accidental pregnancies but don't announce to all and sundry it was not planned- there is still a stigma to that and they do not want their child labelled 'unplanned' so again you will not hear about the unplanned pregnancy. All you get is 'have you heard the good news? Susan and Chris are having s baby'. You don't know she had planned to do teacher training and has now put her plans on hold - you just know they got married last year and are now having a baby.

The only unplanned pregnancies YOU know about are the ones where the people involved have been vocal about abortion or about having an unplanned pregnancy.

So to say 'most unplanned pregnancies are intentional' simply shows you to be someone who can't/refuses to think through complex issues.

Kynthia

I'm a woman in her 30's and therefore knows a lot of women in their 30's. I don't 'know' of a single intentional unplanned pregnancy. I do know of a couple of accidental pregnancies and I'm fairly sure they were accidental. I think this suspicion is mostly by nasty minded people and judgemental people who are prepared to think the worst in others.

System

My exes bit on the side, apparently had 2 accidental pregnancies, and conveniently another a few months after he left me for her. Contraception does and can fail (i got told by my contraceptive nurse condoms are not as people believe 97% effective, more in the 80% range!), and i've heard of people getting pregnant on the implant and injection which are promoted as being near certs compared to the pill which has the potential for user failure. But in her case it seemed pretty convenient (that or contraception didn't agree with her....i know they'd stopped using condoms as he helpfully told me after i found out about them that he had chlamydia :eek: )

I myself was conceived when my mum was on the pill....however a bit of maths leads me to believe i was most likely conceived on or around Ne Years Eve.....so i'm guessing alcohol was involved....and possibly being sick so hence the pill not being effective. However they were married so they just got on with it (a mistake if i'm being honest, my dad has certainly never shown any interest in having a kid but alas here i am)


Apologies Op i;ve gone completely off tangent

heartbreak_star

Hey, it doesn't matter about contraception though, because we'd all abstain if we REALLY didn't want babies

[/harsh] [/sarcastic]

Maybe I'm just in one of those moods this morning.

Some people want marriage before babies, some people want babies before marriage, some people want marriage but no babies (me, maybe) and some people want babies but no marriage (my friend).

This is 2015, not 1815, we are all different and thankfully have more control over our lives and bodies than we have ever had!

Trek_girl makes some excellent points as well - that's a very well-written post.

HBS x

euronorris

fashionvictim wrote: »

I have been with my partner 7 years and no proposal, he also has a similar number of excuses especially about being centre of attention. He always says he wants to get married but......

Personally I have tired various suggestions

And l why does he have to do a speech at all ? Or you could do a joint one for example.

Ultimately an excuse is an excuse he doesn't want to. I accept it now ..might be a bit bitter ..meh

My DH did do a brief speech at our wedding. He was dreading it and suffered terribly with anxiety in the days leading up to the wedding. I offered to do it instead, but he felt it was his 'duty' or some such nonsense. Bless him.


In the end, he got quite emotional so cut it short and then his father was calling on me to do a speech instead. Think he thought he would embarrass me, but I'm not shy and I'd had a couple of drinks by then, so I got up and said all of the things that my DH was too choked up to say.


Speeches can be whatever you want them to be. Or not. My BIL (sister's hubby) was way too shy, so didn't do one at all. No one batted an eyelid.


As for unplanned pregnancy. Of course accidents happen. Happened to me when I was 17 and on the pill. I miscarried, but there is absolutely no way I would've aborted that child. I couldn't. It would've broken my heart. I coped pretty badly with having a miscarriage. To willingly terminate the pregnancy would've broken me. I did double up on protection after that as it certainly wasn't the right time for me to be planning a pregnancy, but there is no way I could've, or would've, chosen to end it.

Mojisola

fashionvictim wrote: »

And l why does he have to do a speech at all ? Or you could do a joint one for example.

This ^

There are no rules about weddings - despite what the magazines and other people may tell you!

You can plan your wedding to be the day you want - if that means no top table, no speeches, no first dance and so on, that's your choice.