7 years - no proposal

Pollycat

Lily-Rose wrote: »

You really think divorce is THAT easy and straightforward? Certainly not for the people *I* have known who have been through it.

Leaving a relationship when you are not married is MUCH easier than when you are married. I can't believe anyone thinks it's just as easy to leave if you're married, as it is if you're not.

I think it depends entirely on your circumstances.

I don't think it would be much harder for me & my OH to divorce than to split up.

No kids so no issue there.
Both retired, both in receipt of occupational pensions.
Fair amount of savings.

It would just be a case of dividing stuff up, deciding who would live in the house, a fair split of money/assets.

Lily-Rose_3

lulu_92 wrote: »

I call my boyfriend so because I don't really like the term partner. There's nothing wrong with it, I just always associated it with older couples (like my Dad and his girlfriend call each other partner) and I'm 23. I'm pretty sure my OH will just be called Daddy from April onwards!

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My son and his girlfriend have been together eight years, living together for most of it, and refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.

'Partner' sounds like a business relationship, and they are not husband and wife. So what else can they call each other?

I agree that 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' sound fine, and I know people of 25 to 35 ish, who have been together 5-10 years and are living together and who have life together, who say boyfriend and girlfriend.

Although having said that, calling someone a boyfriend or girlfriend is a bit odd if you're about 50!

About a year ago, someone wrote to us to clarify who was living in our house for a survey, and if it was the same as 2 years ago when they last contacted us. (They had filled it in already and wanted to confirm it.) It has my husband's name as person number one, and then mine as person two, and underneath, it had me labelled as his 'partner.' I found this quite insulting, and crossed it out and put WIFE. I am NOT his partner. 'How rude' I thought!

I love being married and would never change a thing. I couldn't be one of those women who is 50-odd and had a 'boyfriend' or a 'partner;' it's just very odd to me. Especially when you're older than say... 35...

Each to their own.

I think it depends entirely on your circumstances.

I don't think it would be much harder for me & my OH to divorce than to split up.

No kids so no issue there.
Both retired, both in receipt of occupational pensions.
Fair amount of savings.

It would just be a case of dividing stuff up, deciding who would live in the house, a fair split of money/assets.

But there is no way a relationship spilt would be as easy as if you were not married. Much easier to walk away if you're not married.

Pollycat

Lily-Rose wrote: »

But there is no way a relationship spilt would be as easy as if you were not married. Much easier to walk away if you're not married.

Why would it be much easier?
What would happen/need to happen if a couple weren't married and split up?
What would happen/need to happen if a couple were married and split up?

Can you explain what would be much harder in the circumstances I outline about myself.

Pollycat wrote: »

I think it depends entirely on your circumstances.

I don't think it would be much harder for me & my OH to divorce than to split up.

No kids so no issue there.
Both retired, both in receipt of occupational pensions.
Fair amount of savings.

It would just be a case of dividing stuff up, deciding who would live in the house, a fair split of money/assets.

Tamsin_Temrin

If the OP doesn't get married she doesn't get legal protection and she doesn't have a claim on his savings. It's one thing in a divorce. It's another thing for a woman left without a partner needing to care for children who have been bereaved.

selement

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My son and his girlfriend have been together eight years, living together for most of it, and refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.

'Partner' sounds like a business relationship, and they are not husband and wife. So what else can they call each other?

Just wanted to throw in I'm quite happy using partner as a 27 yr old, we've been together 7 years and I've used it for most of that time. I started using it more after another girl a uni who was a lesbian pointed out she finds it much less awkward when people ask her if she has a partner than if they make an assumption and ask if she has a husband. Whilst I am straight I wanted to start the habit of using partner as I like the lack of gender assumption. Also boyfriend/girlfriend makes me feel about 16.

Of course nowadays its fiance Although I still regularly use partner because if you say fiance some people react oddly (with 'oooh's because you used a fancy word lol)

GwylimT

Petra_70 wrote: »

I agree. IMO, if a woman gets pregnant 'accidently,' (which means it wasn't planned,) then why would she not have an abortion? If she goes ahead and has it, that suggests to me that it may not have been the 'accident' that she claims it was, and also, it suggests strongly that she wanted a baby. Otherwise, why keep it? :huh:

Moreover, if a woman does not want to get pregnant, then she will endeavour to make sure she doesn't get pregnant. It's not that hard. There are many different forms of contraception, and I am very skeptical about women who get pregnant and then go on to keep it, and claim it was an accident. As I said, if they didn't want a baby, but they 'accidently' get pregnant, then why do they keep it?

Our daughter was conceived while using the copper coil and condoms, care to explain how you can arrange an accident when using a form of contraception that is not altered by any drugs?

Not everyone who has an unexptected pregnancy finds abortion a suitable solution, just as some of us never consider abortion to be a suitable solution. Most people who ideally don't want a child right at that time don't consider ending a babies life a reasonable action.

pigpen

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Also, as for women who have children with men who won't marry them. What does that say to their children? It says to me, that their father doesn't think that their mother is good enough to marry.

and this

I have never understood why, if you love someone and especially if you have children, you wouldn't marry them. It would seem to me as though you were hedging your bets and waiting for a better offer.

I feel like OH doesn't think I'm good enough, like he is waiting for a better offer! Never mind what our girls think! Why am I not good enough to marry but good enough to wash his kegs and cook his food.. I feel like he is here because he has nowhere better to be!! I know he loves me.. he must..

Our daughters have a huuuuge double-barrel surname.. marriage would sort that (deedpoll around £15+ each)
I know wills are useful even when married but when unmarried the children get priority.. in blended families this is a huge problem.. look at Robin Williams problems with new wife/children from before.. the will was pretty much ignored! If I die My oldest son gets the house.. he could kick out my OH, our children leaving him homeless with 3 small children. he gets ALL the insurance, I want it shared equally and my OH to stay in the house.. a will doesn't guarantee that and costs £100+
I do not feel I have a name.. I can use my dads who I dislike or my ex-husbands who I loathe.. I want the same name as my man and our children. simply changing my name is £15+
I want him to want me as much as I want him.

so for £145 we could have a nice simple no fuss wedding sort out names/next of kin stuff and he'd be ok if I croaked.

Its not all about a party and presents and cake.. I want to be wanted.. I'm sure that's what many people think.

He is not my 'boyfriend' .. hes not a boy for a start.. and I'm a grandma... he is my life partner, my parenting partner my other half. bf/gf makes me think of 15 year olds.. (sorry)


And.. my divorce was gruesome and 6 years on the problems are increasing by the day!

Pollycat

Lordy! Lordy! The post above made very hard reading.

Pigpen - does your partner know just how you feel?

heartbreak_star

Pollycat wrote: »

Lordy! Lordy! The post above made very hard reading.

Pigpen - does your partner know just how you feel?

^^ This am really feeling for you Pigpen!

HBS x

fashionvictim

I call my OH my partner. Although I think of same sex relationships, but I agree boyfriend girlfriend sounds a bit more casual after a number of years and being older than 25 !

The other day my partner he called me his 'wife' and I objected as we aren't married, he got embarrassed as was in front of someone. Later he asked me why I caused a scene, as he was doing it in a romantic way.

I said if he wanted to be romantic and call me his wife he needed to actually marry me. Of course he didn't say anything.

I agree with one of the other posters for me I want to have children and I would go ahead without being married but it does cause children surname issues.