7 years - no proposal

Pixie5740

Pollycat wrote: »

It's obvioulsy me who is out of step here but I think people are getting too hung up on a label rather than the quality of the relationahip.

"Husband" and "wife" aren't just labels though. Marriage is a legally binding contract and no matter how committed someone might feel to a relationship unmarried couples just don't have the same legal protections as married couples. He might feel as though fashionvictim is his wife but in the eyes of the law she is not. I wouldn't be happy if someone who wasn't married to me referred to me as his wife. If he wants to call her his wife then he needs to put a ring on it.

Pollycat

Mojisola wrote: »

So why not get married?

That way he can give the person he thinks of as his wife all the legal protection that comes with the real thing.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Well if he's that comfortable with referring to her as his wife, why doesn't he actually marry her then?

Personally I do find it strange as she isn't his wife, as SDW said, that is a title gained by going through a legal ceremony. Maybe he was in a situation where most of the couples were married, and he felt it might take the heat off if he referred to her as such? I don't know? It's just something that would strike me as strange that's all.

Why are you asking me that?

Ask fashionvictim why he hasn't proposed.
Or maybe ask fashionvictim if she has proposed.
And if not, why not.
Ask fashionvictim if she's brought up the subect of legal protection that comes with being a wife.

I don't know if they were in a situation where most of the couples were married, and he felt it might take the heat off if he referred to her as such either.

I just know some posters see it as strange and I don't.

Georgiegirl256

It was just in reply to your post, a rhetorical question more than anything. To be honest (and no offence fashionvictim!) I'm not really interested on why her OH hasn't proposed or why she hasn't proposed, I was merely agreeing with SDW and FV herself.

seven-day-weekend

We have some friends who have just got married after thirty years together. She has always called herself 'Mrs His name' and they always referred to each other as husband and wife. If it suited them fine, but to me it is like calling yourself Lady or Lord Someone when you don't actually have a title. It's not real.

catkins

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Accidents happen, and sometimes they are happy accidents.

HBS x

I'm sure accidents do happen but I am also sure a lot of the "accidents" are not accidents at all.

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Hmmmm...

I can only speak for what I have noticed personally and, as far as I can see, every single "accident" to date has been "accidentally on purpose" (what some would call "happy accident") - rather than really being an accident iyswim.

I don't advocate accidents - whether genuine or "accidentally on purpose". First priority is to think of the resultant child, second to think of the mans attitude. The would-be mother comes third.

I agree

Person_one wrote: »

I actually find that offensive, as well as massively inaccurate (and I've never been pregnant).

Why offensive? I know a few woman who have had an "accident", a couple of them more than 1. But they all seem to have happened at a very convenient time.


Strangely when these women had got the father to marry them there were no further accidents

catkins

I wouldn't have had a baby or bought a house with someone I wasn't married to. I certainly wouldn't live with someone for 7 years or more if they didn't want to marry me.


I can understand that the OP didn't want to get rid of the baby but personally I would have had a cheap register office wedding and then maybe a bigger wedding later on.


The boyfriend knows she is unlikely to leave him and so he has everything he would have if they were married except the marriage certificate. That obviously does not bother him so why is he likely to propose after so long?


My OH proposed a month after we met and we got married 5 months after we met. We did talk about living together first but OH said he didn't want that - he wanted it to be special which meant getting married. I thought that was lovely

seven-day-weekend

catkins wrote: »

I wouldn't have had a baby or bought a house with someone I wasn't married to. I certainly wouldn't live with someone for 7 years or more if they didn't want to marry me.


I can understand that the OP didn't want to get rid of the baby but personally I would have had a cheap register office wedding and then maybe a bigger wedding later on.


The boyfriend knows she is unlikely to leave him and so he has everything he would have if they were married except the marriage certificate. That obviously does not bother him so why is he likely to propose after so long?


My OH proposed a month after we met and we got married 5 months after we met. We did talk about living together first but OH said he didn't want that - he wanted it to be special which meant getting married. I thought that was lovely

Same with us, except we got married after four months. As you say, it makes it 'special'.

lika_86

I certainly wouldn't live with someone for 7 years or more if they didn't want to marry me.

I don't think people that want to get married do generally live with someone who doesn't consciously want to marry them at any point though. They generally think it will happen at some point in their relationship.

My OH proposed a month after we met and we got married 5 months after we met. We did talk about living together first but OH said he didn't want that - he wanted it to be special which meant getting married. I thought that was lovely

That works for some people but many find that they want to know someone properly before doing that and for a lot of people, you don't know someone until you live with them. Most people will have been in relationships for months or even a number of years quite happily before realising they aren't fully compatible. If I'd married every guy I was happy with after a month I'd be divorced several times over by now!

Person_one

Pollycat wrote: »

It's obvioulsy me who is out of step here but I think people are getting too hung up on a label rather than the quality of the relationahip.

It's not just a label though, it means something important. Marriage is not just a piece of paper!

burlington6

catkins wrote: »

I wouldn't have had a baby or bought a house with someone I wasn't married to. I certainly wouldn't live with someone for 7 years or more if they didn't want to marry me.


I can understand that the OP didn't want to get rid of the baby but personally I would have had a cheap register office wedding and then maybe a bigger wedding later on.


The boyfriend knows she is unlikely to leave him and so he has everything he would have if they were married except the marriage certificate. That obviously does not bother him so why is he likely to propose after so long?


My OH proposed a month after we met and we got married 5 months after we met. We did talk about living together first but OH said he didn't want that - he wanted it to be special which meant getting married. I thought that was lovely

Complete madness