7 years - no proposal

Spidernick

Jagraf wrote: »

Sometimes, big weddings aren't all they are cracked up to be.

They can be expensive, and a load of hassle and stress. I've done a big wedding and a small one And the small one was so much nicer.

Agreed - I'd even go so far as to say that in our culture there is quite often an inverse ratio between the size of the wedding and how long the marriage lasts.

Years ago my (now) wife and I went to the wedding of the brother of one of my best friends (we didn't know the brother that well and were surprised to be asked). It was a huge affair and it soon became apparent that the focus was all on the day and not what came after. Sure enough, they got divorced about a year later.

Gloomendoom

Spidernick wrote: »

Agreed - I'd even go so far as to say that in our culture there is quite often an inverse ratio between the size of the wedding and how long the marriage lasts.

I would go so far as to say that, quite often, the reverse is also true.

Person_one

Pollycat wrote: »

Living together, having children togethe, sharing the good times & bad times - does that need a piece of paper?

It probably doesn't need a 'piece of paper' but it might well benefit from a powerful legal agreement like marriage.

POPPYOSCAR

Pollycat wrote: »

Living together, having children togethe, sharing the good times & bad times - does that need a piece of paper?

I doubt many will believe this but we've just spent a few hours with a couple who we've been friends with for over 10 years & he referred to her as 'my wife'.
She isn't his wife - and she didn't object - but I'm damn sure that he thinks of her that way.
The only reason I noticed that commentand was because of fashionvictim's earlier post.

No, not in my book anyway but unfortunately you can lose out if you do not have that piece of paper.


We got married this year after over 25 years together, did not want to , took all of 15 mins felt daft saying all the rubbish you have to say, life is no different, nothing has changed but we now have the legalities covered.

74jax

jtr2803 wrote: »

Clearly my marriage isn't 'special' as we waited five years and lived together first... *roll eyes* I cannot even comprehend marrying someone after just a few months and with whom I'd never lived with. Seems a huge risk to take.....

Just to add insult to injury, it only happened after I told him 'marriage or time to call it quits'.... Still very happily married two and a half years later. It might not have been high on his agenda but it was important to me, we had a lovely small personal wedding and my hubby always refers to it as the best day of his life, despite his initial reservations.

Just had to pop by to say hi :T

burnoutbabe

Partner seems a better term to use in work contexts - it covers the fact you are with someone without revealing either sex of that person or the status of the realtionship.

(I also always would ask if someone i did not know well had a partner, rather than a boyfriend/girlfriend, as I don't want to be assuming they are straight or want them to lie to about it not wanting to reveal anything)

The term finance just seems twee - I am engaged but no wedding date set. But we are happy to be married one day and acknowledge that we want to marry each other. But no huge rush!

Georgiegirl256

burnoutbabe wrote: »

The term finance just seems twee - I am engaged but no wedding date set. But we are happy to be married one day and acknowledge that we want to marry each other. But no huge rush!

I don't like that term either, and never used it bar one occasion, and that was enough! I always used partner after that.

Pollycat

burlington6 wrote: »

Complete madness

Like Torry Quine, I'd like to know why you think getting married quickly is complete madness.
It works for some people.

Dird wrote: »

Each person is different. To me partner is a sterile term. If I had a gf & she invited me somewhere then introduced me as her partner I'd ask what business we were in together.

Indeed everyone is different.
Which is why I posted:

Pollycat wrote: »

To me, 'boyfriend' is a term when you're going out with someone that you don't live with, don't have children with, don't share bills, cooking, chores, finances with.

Whatever term works for you may be abhorrent to the next person.

Pollycat

pigpen wrote: »

At the time I didn't want to get married either.. I had recently escaped an abusive relationship. If I understood why he felt that way I may actually understand and agree.. that is the worst part, not knowing why, it just makes me feel it is me that is not good enough.. I'm good enough to have children with, form that lifelong tie.. marriage you can at least escape from

Pigpen
You mention that you 'feel' and you 'think'....but have you asked him point-blank why he won't marry you?

pigpen wrote: »

sorry.. it is very complex.. I think he does.. but I still feel like he doesn't think I'm good enough and he is waiting for a better offer.

Does he know that you feel he won't marry you because he doesn't think you're good enough and he is waiting for a better offer?

springdreams

Pollycat wrote: »

Like Torry Quine, I'd like to know why you think getting married quickly is complete madness.
It works for some people.

Indeed everyone is different.
Which is why I posted:

Whatever term works for you may be abhorrent to the next person.

I don't think it is the getting married quickly that drew the madness comment, but rather the not living together first before getting married.

You don't truly know a person until you have lived with them. And habits may become apparent once you are living together that you may find you cannot live with, or the other person may have different morals, principles or standards to yourself which only become apparent once you are living together .... bit late to find this out after you are already married