7 years - no proposal

onlyroz

Petra_70 wrote: »

I agree. IMO, if a woman gets pregnant 'accidently,' (which means it wasn't planned,) then why would she not have an abortion? If she goes ahead and has it, that suggests to me that it may not have been the 'accident' that she claims it was, and also, it suggests strongly that she wanted a baby. Otherwise, why keep it? :huh:

Moreover, if a woman does not want to get pregnant, then she will endeavour to make sure she doesn't get pregnant. It's not that hard. There are many different forms of contraception, and I am very skeptical about women who get pregnant and then go on to keep it, and claim it was an accident. As I said, if they didn't want a baby, but they 'accidently' get pregnant, then why do they keep it?

Bit of a blinkered view, surely? I'm sure that if I'd have got pregnant in my teens I'd have had a termination. However, if I were to get pregnant now I'd keep the child. I don't want any more kids (two is plenty) but it wouldn't be a disaster if my contraception failed. I'm sure there are plenty of other people in the situation where having a child wouldn't be ideal, but they would still go ahead.

balletshoes

Blueskies21 wrote: »

I don't want to ask him. And he wouldn't want that either. I want him to ask me. He knows I would say yes.

OP this is the bit in all the posts so far I don't understand - why do you both feel you need to wait for him to ask you to marry him? From what you've said you've both discussed this frequently for the past couple of years, so its just down to the logistics of where, when and how many. So why are you both faffing around, neither of you taking any action, if you both want to get married?

System

GoldenShadow wrote: »

My initial thoughts were around why is he going to want to spend £££ when you are living as man and wife already albeit not legally. My OH knows perfectly well there will be no babies before there are two rings on my finger, marriage is something that I need in place to go down that road. I've always been the marrying kind though and my OH has always known that, but not everyone talks about it. My friend found out on her hen do that her husband to be wanted kids, they honestly hadn't asked about it and she didn't think he wanted them :eek:

He sounds like he knows how much it would mean to you, so I think you need to leave the ball in his court and worry about the rest as it happens.

I think some men tend to think when they live together and already have kids, then they're practically married anyway (overheard the bf saying this to a friend the other day, we're not ready for marriage/kids yet but when that days comes there will be no children before we're married). Not all men obviously, my best friend already has a child with his gf (i'm not sure how much of an accident he was, they'd had an actual "accident" previously but sadly she miscarried and little one was conceived not long after) but he's very keen to propose asap

In the case of the OP, he says he would marry you tomorrow, but only abroad. But you want to share the day with family and he diesn;t want a big wedding. Well could you both compromise? Could you compromise and have a wedding abroad (and if he's so keen not to look tight with money he could off to at least pay for your parents or siblings to be there) and then could he compromise and have a reception/celebration with friends/family once you're back home? That ay you'd both kind of get what you'd want.

GaleSF63

Blueskies21 wrote: »

So I am still sure I won't have another child without the marriage whether that be in 6 months, 1 year or 2 years. I am sure it will happen one day and therefore I'm going to try and relax about the timing and I think that should help me.

You could get married next week, month, year or 5 years. And you will be just as married whenever it is. But the age gap between your son and another child can only get wider the longer you wait. Don't deny your son a near(ish) sibling for a reason that makes no difference to him.

Why is it so important now to have another child only after marriage?

And please, please take the advice of those who are telling you to make wills

dirty_magic

On the whole yes. He is an amazing loving person who would do anything for me if it came to it. He's also the most trustworthy and loyal person I know.

He does have bad qualities which we all do but I don't believe I would be better suited to anyone else. I truly do love and respect him. His bad qualities can actually be good in some ways. He is controlling with money especially but because of this he has been able to save lots where as I probably wouldn't have been able to do. He works so hard and loves his job.

This means so much more than a wedding. The man wants another child with you, you don't get much more committed than that! You can get divorced and never see your ex again, you can't do this with a child.

If you really want another baby don't cut your nose off to spite your face. If you wait 5 years, get married and then it doesn't happen you'll regret it. Life will go back to normal after a wedding, the party will be a memory. I've asked my married friends and they all day nothing has changed.

Besides, he has said he will marry you so I'm sure it'll happen if you ease up on the pressure. It's not like he's saying never.

seven-day-weekend

I actually don't agree that having a child together necessarily shows commitment. Many people are single parents and some people have children by several partners. Where is there commitment there?

If they love each other, he should compromise by agreeing to marry her, and she should compromise by having a small wedding.

System

I actually don't agree that having a child together necessarily shows commitment. Many people are single parents and some people have children by several partners. Where is there commitment there?

Yes but some of us go into a relationship thinking its going to last.

VestanPance

I agree that very rarely as these"accidents" actually accidents. More often than not it's planned by the woman who plays the accident card to the idiot she's seeing.

Any guy not taking responsibility for contraception himself is asking for trouble.

Person_one

dirty_magic wrote: »

This means so much more than a wedding. The man wants another child with you, you don't get much more committed than that! You can get divorced and never see your ex again, you can't do this with a child.

If you really want another baby don't cut your nose off to spite your face. If you wait 5 years, get married and then it doesn't happen you'll regret it. Life will go back to normal after a wedding, the party will be a memory. I've asked my married friends and they all day nothing has changed.

Besides, he has said he will marry you so I'm sure it'll happen if you ease up on the pressure. It's not like he's saying never.

Having a child is only really a commitment to the child, not to the other parent, and of course an alarming number of men do walk away from their children, or let them down badly when the relationship with the mother ends.

Pollycat

Judi wrote: »

Yes but some of us go into a relationship thinking its going to last.

Do many people go into a relationship thinking it's not going to last?