7 years - no proposal

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If marriage is so important to you then it should have come before you moved in and had a child together.

I'm assuming you'll be happy to lend the OP your time machine?

Petra_70

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If marriage is so important to you then it should have come before you moved in and had a child together.

You are engaged as you agree that you will marry at some point, a proposal isn't always needed.

Person_one wrote: »

I'm assuming you'll be happy to lend the OP your time machine?

I am pretty sure what Torry is saying is that she doesn't understand why the OP went and had kids with her man before getting married; if marriage is that important to her.... (JMO, but it seems kind of obvious that this is what Torry meant.... and she didn't mean 'go back in time and get married then!')

FWIW, I agree with Torry. If marriage was so important, surely the OP would have got married before going into such a huge commitment as having a baby.

dirtycredit

In your other thread you say you are only home at weekends and work away Monday to Friday. Do you think this might be a bone of contention?

onlyroz

If you want to get married, and he says that he will only get married abroad, then why not just do it? That way you'll either end up married, which is what you want, or you'll find out that he doesn't really want to get married after all.

If you want a big party with family and friends then you can do that later, maybe once you're settled in your new big house and you've had the second baby.

toniq

£10,000 is not a lot in savings if you want a big wedding and be comfortable after.

Moving house incurs fees and a new baby will cost, I think you have way too much going, all three are major things.

The thought of all three happening in the same year would knock most people for six.

phoebe03cat

You do sound a bit manipulating sorry...why would he not want to fully legally protect you and your family through marriage... after all this time something is wrong; he needs to fix it or not, and then you need to ask yourself do you really want to be with him if he won't. Quick registry office wedding is a compromise, proves his commitment to you. As do you; as you would clearly be doing it for him and the family not the show.I wouldn't like that either. Easy peazy really...you both just have to face reality through proper discussion, bring it to a head and then move on if the relationship is so devoid of trust. There's no room for deception in a good relationship from either party. If in doubt get out applies sadly on both sides...at least you will both stand a chance of being happier in the future.

Petra_70

onlyroz wrote: »

If you want to get married, and he says that he will only get married abroad, then why not just do it? That way you'll either end up married, which is what you want, or you'll find out that he doesn't really want to get married after all.

If you want a big party with family and friends then you can do that later, maybe once you're settled in your new big house and you've had the second baby.

This is what I said. And also a few people earlier in the thread. Just get married abroad - just the two of them...... (if the OP is that desperate to get married, and if her man wants to get married abroad...) And they can have a party for everyone after. If no-one is invited to the wedding abroad, then no-one can be offended. She says she wants a big wedding here, with family and friends, but it ain't gonna happen.

*~Zephyr~*

I agree, £10k is NOT a lot of savings. If you are fortunate enough to be in a position to save then you should do so. Save as much as you can, while you can.

I also agree that you shouldn't cave in on the baby or marriage thing. If you can't afford a wedding, you certainly can't afford another baby.

Between you, set a savings goal - a point at which you have enough in savings so you are comfortable enough for BOTH the wedding and the new baby.

Person_one

Petra_70 wrote: »

I am pretty sure what Torry is saying is that she doesn't understand why the OP went and had kids with her man before getting married; if marriage is that important to her.... (JMO, but it seems kind of obvious that this is what Torry meant.... and she didn't mean 'go back in time and get married then!')

FWIW, I agree with Torry. If marriage was so important, surely the OP would have got married before going into such a huge commitment as having a baby.

Its clear what she meant, its just supremely unhelpful!

Not to mention the fact that the OP has explained several times now how she found herself in this situation.

Torry_Quine

Petra_70 wrote: »

I am pretty sure what Torry is saying is that she doesn't understand why the OP went and had kids with her man before getting married; if marriage is that important to her.... (JMO, but it seems kind of obvious that this is what Torry meant.... and she didn't mean 'go back in time and get married then!')

FWIW, I agree with Torry. If marriage was so important, surely the OP would have got married before going into such a huge commitment as having a baby.

Exactly.

Person_one wrote: »

Its clear what she meant, its just supremely unhelpful!

Not to mention the fact that the OP has explained several times now how she found herself in this situation.

She found herself in this situation by living with him and not getting married first which doesn't sound like it was her priority at all. She didn't have to get pregnant before she married.