Stuck in a quandry and dont know what to do

beckstar1975

Do you have a Church nearby that runs a baby/toddler group? I know if I heard a story like yours we would try and figure something out to help you - no matter what your faith status etc, just because often Church is the only bit of community left that can help out? or an NCT bumps and babes type group?

Failing that I would go to hospital alone, but then I retreat into myself and actually found having hubbie an annoyance for all 3 of mine (other than reattaching the gas and air mask when it came off!)

Best of luck

f0xh0les

Oh bless! You sound like me.
I had the first in hospital with DH there (ventouse delivery DH fainted). I felt it was too traumatic for him to do another hospital birth, so I had a home birth for #2 with # 1 upstairs asleep, no drama (gas and air 10lb 1oz - living room floor).
We have no family in the country so no-one to ask, I went over by 10 days in all 4 pregnancies - I hated the phone ringing.
# 3 was due a homebirth, so #1 came home on my due date with chicken pox, cue midwives declaring neo-natal chickenpox was deadly and the homebirth would have to be cancelled. So I waited for labour to commence, got DH and the kids in the car, we drove to hospital, I got out, they went home, had #3 in hospital all alone (radio on, dancing around with my gas and air, didn't care, no-one else to worry about) 24 hrs later, DH picked me up outside a side entrance - as the kids had chickenpox they were contagious and were not allowed anywhere near the labour ward. Neo-natal chickenpox was no longer an issue, Midwife said, oh, he's bound to get it anyway.

Went 10 days over with #4, went into hospital for evaluation, #4 decided it was a good time to turn heads up from head down, mass panic, ultra sounds, sent straight to a ward, told I was in for emergency c-section first thing in the morning, gave babe a good talking to, and a bit of a massage and he turned back where he was supposed to be, just as the doctor walked in the door, gave a prod and said, that baby is the right way round!
Induction by the normal method first thing in the morning. So that was the way it went.
I was glad DH wasn't there cos he would have been fretting about the kids not knowing what was going on, as well as me and the baby, when I only had to fret about the babe.
Anyway, going in to hospital alone is nothing to be worried about. I have never had 'my' midwife deliver any of my babies, they are all trained and professionals, I was even given my own student midwife with #4 as I knew what I knew what I was doing!

You have to ask yourself would you be better off knowing your kids had their dad at home with them, and that there was nothing to worry about at home so all you have to do iss birth that baby, or would you rather your M-I-L moved in and you found yourself expecting David Attenbourgh to give a voice over about the pregnant lady, getting up from the sofa, and wandering across the living room, while being observed like a hawk when all you want to do is tell everyone to b*gger off.
You can do this alone, it is not his first birth, he knows what is going to happen, and as long as all goes well, you can arrange for a release in the morning or 7 hrs later, or DOMINO or whatever it is they call it these days.

I totally get where you are coming from about not asking the neighbours to look after the kids, trust your instincts on that one!

Me having the last two on my own was the practical decision in our circumstances. The midwives totally got it. You get to concentrate on doing the job in hand then you bond with the little one, the rest of your family can be there as soon as practical - maternity wards are pretty flexible on the whole visiting hours thing.

Hope that my little tale in some way helps.
Everyone thinks I am insane anyway so were only surprised I didn't drive myself in to the hospital. Having a baby without a man by your side is nothing! In an ideal world he would be there trying to hold your hand, but sometimes it just is not logistical.

Wilma33

Ask the older 2 who their best friend is at school. Contact their parents and invite the child for a sleepover next weekend. After a few weeks ask them to return the favour when you go into labour. Job done. (Send youngest off to Granny's in advance).

pmlindyloo

Guest101 wrote: »

It was nothing to do with a holiday (you need to read the article) but to do with an interpretation of the law - which is to ensure the child(ren) attend school regularly.


the father correctly argued that their attendance of 90%+ was regular.


The decision isn't binding, but it is an example of case law which can be used.

I think it is likely to be found that the magistrate made an incorrect decision as the legislation was changed in 2013 to say that leave of absence can only be given in exceptional circumstances.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2013/756/made

lisa110rry

Firewyrm, until I read those words, retained placenta, in my head you seemed a good choice for a home birth as you have had three children previously and it does look like it's going to be a really quick delivery. However, I don't know about you, but my experience in that exact situation was that a lady doctor (?) with the smallest hands was summoned to deal with the issue. (I'm trying to be delicate here.) It was considered serious, it was very painful, and I remember thanking my lucky stars I had foregone my half-formed ideas of a home birth when a hospital birth was suggested as it was my first child. The consultant was present and actually apologised to me the following day because I had asked to feed my son for the natural benefits that would bring instead of having the injection. Never been so glad to see so many medical people!

On the same subject, at the time, my husband was working varying shifts in a major UK international airport. We knew that if the time came while he was doing a night shift on his own, for him to leave would mean closing the airport - not an option. I just knew I would get a taxi to the hospital. In the end we were lucky, and he was off shift.

I feel so sorry that you have no friends in the area you live in, but lots of good ideas have been put forward - speak to your midwife, local church, local college teaching early childhood care.

mllgnc

When my fourth child was born, my waters broke in the middle of the night. My husband stayed with our other 3 very young children, I went to the hospital alone, I had two wonderful midwives, and a straightforward labour. I phoned my husband around 8am to let him know he had a beautiful new daughter, and he was able to come and see both of us along with the 3 younger children later that day.

Yes in an ideal world my husband would have been with me, but I can honestly say I was absolutely fine, and in fact because I tended to retreat to my own little world while in labour I really didn't notice his absence that much.

FireWyrm

lisa110rry wrote: »

Firewyrm, until I read those words, retained placenta, in my head you seemed a good choice for a home birth as you have had three children previously and it does look like it's going to be a really quick delivery. However, I don't know about you, but my experience in that exact situation was that a lady doctor (?) with the smallest hands was summoned to deal with the issue. (I'm trying to be delicate here.) It was considered serious, it was very painful, and I remember thanking my lucky stars I had foregone my half-formed ideas of a home birth when a hospital birth was suggested as it was my first child. The consultant was present and actually apologised to me the following day because I had asked to feed my son for the natural benefits that would bring instead of having the injection. Never been so glad to see so many medical people!

I didnt even know what was happening and certainly never heard of it before when it happened to me. The midwife came back with a hot towel and some sort of oil on it but that didnt work. In the end, they said it was no big deal and I ended up waiting for a theatre slot a few hours later. It was mildly uncomfortable because of the (I suppose) contractions which went on and on trying to expell the placenta without success but after having just had a 10lb 5 oz baby, it was about as uncomfortable relatively speaking, as stubbing your toe. I just sucked on the air for a few hours longer when the pain was annoying. They took me into theatre and tried to get me to push but I was too exhausted. The surgeon just strapped my legs down and did it anyway by hand, they said I just had to suck on the air and it would be over quickly. My husband imagines it was a bit like being a glove puppet. I dont suppose it is common or that it is probable that it will happen again but I could be wrong in that supposition.

lisa110rry wrote: »

I feel so sorry that you have no friends in the area you live in, but lots of good ideas have been put forward - speak to your midwife, local church, local college teaching early childhood care.

The Church is a good idea but I am an athiest. I cannot then play the hypocrite when I need help and go to them. That one's out unfortunately. The other people in the street are a possibility but I think they would be unlikely to be helpful. Its all well inviting people round, but I dont actually see them to do so. Sad, but its a fact of our society these days. My own family is non-existant as well.

I dont think I'm going to have much choice. I'm going to have to have this child in hospital alone. Not something I want to do since my first experience of childbirth was horrific and I couldnt speak for myself, but as you say, needs must. If we are lucky, I can send the kids to the inlaws for a day or so beforehand. I have no idea what will happen.

Thanks for your suggestions though.

carefullycautious

I also had a hubby who was present for number1( was green at the gills throughout and very uncomfortable) and then I made the decision to go it alone for next one.


He stayed home looking after number1 and came to collect me, as at the time, you only stayed in for 24 hours.


I do feel sorry for your predicament and if you lived near me I would be the first to offer to look after the children. My mother delivered her next door neighbours babies but we did come from a close knit community at that time.


It is a sad state of affairs if you live somewhere that you don't have a support network.


Listening to your story I am so grateful of all the great neighbours I had who helped me when I had my children, our next door neighbour lent us his car to fetch me out of hospital and various neighbours would ferry children to hospital if there was an accident. Best years of our lives when the children were small.


I think a local child minder may be able to help

Starrystarrynight1

It might be worth looking in sites such as Mumsnet, if you've not done so already, to see if there are any threads in the forums where home births have been discussed.

WestonDave

We had our second at home and it was a vastly better experience than the hospital delivery we had first time round. Both were quick deliveries - the first one we had planned for the normal hospital route except that at the time round our way you had to wait for the midwife to come and assess you at home before going in. Lets just say the immortal line was "Oh, you are 9cm dilated - were you planning a home birth" followed by a blue light transfer by ambulance - during which everything which had been going nicely stopped and had to start again once the stress of the transfer was over.


Second one - we took a few precautions re potential "mess" (basically having a bit plastic sheet ready with a load of old towels) which we got sorted around about the due date. Little un came the next night after it was all sorted, and despite a few issues with the tens machine and later the gas/air system, my wife is adamant it was incomparably better than the hospital with everything on tap. We had one midwife arrive pretty quickly after we called saying labour had started, they always have a colleague following them to help out in the later stages (and in case they need one to look after mum and one to look after the baby). Eldest (then 2) slept right through the lot and only woke up as we were taking our new arrival downstairs because one of the midwives asked rather loudly "So what time does your other one sleep to". Having started contractions in the early hours, by 7:30am, little brother was being introduced to his big brother downstairs whilst I made breakfast.


(In answer to your question re pain relief the midwives bring a cylinder of "gas and air" with them - we also had a tens machine although it had a loose connection somewhere and kept cutting out. You wouldn't be allowed an epidural at home I'm sure but not sure about anything else in between.)


My advice would be to see if your local NCT group has a home birth group - we did a couple of (free I think) evenings where we just talked through what to expect so it wasn't anything like as scarey as it seems. It was both mums and dads there with previous "graduates" available to tell their stories and be asked questions.


I can understand your husband being wary. I was, and I think it was only really that my wife really wanted to go the home birth route having had a bad time of the first time round that made me relent (having done the group sessions). I am absolutely convinced now that it was the best option.