Stuck in a quandry and dont know what to do

Poppy9

You are going to have to compromise. If you don't want to organise a taxi to bring MIL to you then have MIL to stay.


2 of the children will just have to share a bed for a few nights.


When my granny needed looking after following surgery as my mother didn't drive she had to come stay with us. We had 3 bed house with 3 girls in one room, boy in a room and parents in their room. My brother had to give up his bed for 6 weeks and sleep on sofa. Not ideal, especially as we only had a living room and kitchen so he had to wait till everyone went to bed and my granny was not our favourite company but it's what families do and it was a short term thing to meet a need.

trolleyrun

I have no idea about childbirth. I'm just thinking that as you have a few months until your due date, you could start inviting some of your older children's friends round with their parents for cake and coffee. Or arrange to meet at the playground or in a cafeteria or similar. That way, you will get to know them and it might give you an option when it comes to giving birth time.

Otherwise, it would be the MIL coming to you. She can have one of your children's bed for a couple of nights if need be. The kids can bunk up together or have a "camping" trip in the living room/dining room/conservatory. I know you say you don't want her in the house, but unless she is the witch from hell then your options are limited.

FireWyrm

Guest101 wrote: »

Here you go: http://www.theguardian.com/education/2015/oct/16/father-overturns-120-fine-taking-daughter-term-time-holiday

Hmmm, good for him. Really, this ought to count as exceptional circumstances. We're not talking about a holiday here, we're talking about proper child care arrangements for a situation where I cannot be available. Whether they believe it wasnt a holiday is the next question. I would fight it anyway and like to see them send me to prison with a newborn in tow.

Has anyone else got any advice on homebirth to share, pro or con? Are you allowed pain relief or is it just get on with it and hope for the best?

I think realistically speaking, we have to play it by ear. If we get to 8 days 'over' then it is unlikely to be more than a few days in the future and is therefore imminent. We jumped the gun last time and sent the kids away on the due date expecting things to kick off and they didnt until 10 days later. If the kids miss a couple of days of term, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Guest101

FireWyrm wrote: »

Hmmm, good for him. Really, this ought to count as exceptional circumstances. We're not talking about a holiday here, we're talking about proper child care arrangements for a situation where I cannot be available. Whether they believe it wasnt a holiday is the next question. I would fight it anyway and like to see them send me to prison with a newborn in tow. - If you are taken to court, lose and issued a fine and fail to pay, that's the next step. Both for you and your husband.

Has anyone else got any advice on homebirth to share, pro or con? Are you allowed pain relief or is it just get on with it and hope for the best?

I think realistically speaking, we have to play it by ear. If we get to 8 days 'over' then it is unlikely to be more than a few days in the future and is therefore imminent. We jumped the gun last time and sent the kids away on the due date expecting things to kick off and they didnt until 10 days later. If the kids miss a couple of days of term, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

It was nothing to do with a holiday (you need to read the article) but to do with an interpretation of the law - which is to ensure the child(ren) attend school regularly.


the father correctly argued that their attendance of 90%+ was regular.


The decision isn't binding, but it is an example of case law which can be used.

FireWyrm

trolleyrun wrote: »

I know you say you don't want her in the house, but unless she is the witch from hell then your options are limited.

I know, but she and I really dont like each other. It would be quite stressful having her in the house than contemplating a midnight dash. Even her own son isnt all that pleased with the idea. She made herself clear the other week. She is not pleased with this pregnancy and has yet to 'offer' to even take the children when the time comes. I suspect she would because to do otherwise would be simply rude, but still, you know how it is, under protest etc. I wish I wasnt in this position, I wish I had some other family, but I dont. Hence the stress.

FireWyrm

Guest101 wrote: »

It was nothing to do with a holiday (you need to read the article) but to do with an interpretation of the law - which is to ensure the child(ren) attend school regularly.


the father correctly argued that their attendance of 90%+ was regular.


The decision isn't binding, but it is an example of case law which can be used.

Just out of interest, how 'useful' would it be? Wouldnt a court simply ignore it as an aberration and fine anyway? If it isnt 'binding' then why all the fuss? The implication is, it can simply be ignored at will by a court considering another situation.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Are your neighbours all really dreadful people? Do none of them have children? Yes it's a fairly big favour to ask someone to potentially take 3 kids in the middle of the night (while your in-laws drive/get a taxi to yours), but it's obviously a one-off and you'd have to be pretty unreasonable not to help someone out in that situation. My mum doesn't drive and they live in an area with limited public transport, but when my dad was seriously ill even the neighbours she didn't know that well were offering them lifts to the hospital and to get their shopping. People can be kinder than you think.

Guest101

FireWyrm wrote: »

Just out of interest, how 'useful' would it be? Wouldnt a court simply ignore it as an aberration and fine anyway? If it isnt 'binding' then why all the fuss? The implication is, it can simply be ignored at will by a court considering another situation.

It's evidence. Courts are much more likely to consider a defence which has been successful already.

FireWyrm

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

Are your neighbours all really dreadful people? Do none of them have children? Yes it's a fairly big favour to ask someone to potentially take 3 kids in the middle of the night (while your in-laws drive/get a taxi to yours), but it's obviously a one-off and you'd have to be pretty unreasonable not to help someone out in that situation. My mum doesn't drive and they live in an area with limited public transport, but when my dad was seriously ill even the neighbours she didn't know that well were offering them lifts to the hospital and to get their shopping. People can be kinder than you think.

That sounds lovely. I dont think the neighbours are bad people, I just dont know them. One side are almost always out and the other side is empty. I know there is a lady with 5 kids of her own down the street but I couldnt point to the door reliably. I've never seen the ones either side but one. I assume someone lives there because lights are on, but I couldnt pick them out of a lineup. It would be nice to rely on someone just to watch the kids for an hour in the middle of the night but my only real friend moved out a year ago. I dont know anyone else at all, even in passing. There is one option, which is a friend of my husband who lives across the field, but husband hasnt brough the subject up with him yet. I keep asking him to, but nothing really happens.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

FireWyrm wrote: »

That sounds lovely. I dont think the neighbours are bad people, I just dont know them. One side are almost always out and the other side is empty. I know there is a lady with 5 kids of her own down the street but I couldnt point to the door reliably. I've never seen the ones either side but one. I assume someone lives there because lights are on, but I couldnt pick them out of a lineup. It would be nice to rely on someone just to watch the kids for an hour in the middle of the night but my only real friend moved out a year ago. I dont know anyone else at all, even in passing. There is one option, which is a friend of my husband who lives across the field, but husband hasnt brough the subject up with him yet. I keep asking him to, but nothing really happens.

Surely your children know which houses on your road have kids? Even if they don't go to the same school, they must have met when playing out front, or at the nearest park at some point. I don't say this as an old dear reminiscing misty-eyed about their rose-tinted childhood; I see my neighbours kids playing out together every night (in London, where people are supposed to be unfriendly).

You've got a few months to cultivate friendships with neighbours regardless of what happens when the baby's born. One or two will be definitely batty, one or two distant, but I bet you'll find some potential good friends nearby. If you're not close to your family (either geographically or harmoniously) then you need some decent friends.