Stuck in a quandry and dont know what to do

duchy

FireWyrm wrote: »

<Shudder>

1) no place to put her unless you count the cupboard under the stairs (which doesnt sound like a bad option)
2) would you?

Put them up in a local travelodge ?


And yes if I needed their help of course I would- but then I wouldn't want to put the only person in a position to help me under the stairs anyway -I'd be grateful to them I wouldn't narrow my limited options any further than they are already !!

Poppy9

Have in-laws come to you when you go into labour. Instead of your OH picking them up arrange a taxi to bring them. Meanwhile ask a neighbour if you could impose on them to look after the children for anything from 10 mins to an hour if you have to go and the in laws are on the way. I'm sure a neighbour will be happy to help.

FireWyrm

shiny76 wrote: »

Have you thought about a Doula?

From a web site:
"Doula" (pronounced "doola") is a Greek word meaning "woman servant or caregiver". It now refers to an experienced woman who offers emotional and practical support to a woman (or couple) before, during and after childbirth. A doula believes in “mothering the mother” - enabling a woman to have the most satisfying and empowered time that she can during pregnancy, birth and the early days as a new mum. This type of support also helps the whole family to relax and enjoy the experience.

I did. I cant afford that. It would use every penny of my savings which I need to pay for bills while I'm off on sick leave. Ideally, my own mother would be present or a sister, but I dont have one of either.

This has been worrying me for weeks. I still cant reach a solution in my mind and all I do at night is toss and turn or have nightmares.

I know I should have been more careful to begin with, but what is done is done. I now have a practical problem to solve.

I suppose a C-section would be a potential idea but I had one of those before and it was the most god-awful experience of my life. I've never been so unwell and in so much pain for so long. I react badly to whatever anesthetic they use and I am literally heaving for days afterwards. I'm told that this is an uncommon reaction but it is a serious issue for me and to volunteer for that almost scares me more than trying to have a home birth.

Guest101

FireWyrm wrote: »

Worse yet, I've got the problem of (both) schools fining us for taking the kids out during term time. A few years ago, this wouldnt have been an issue. A week at nannas would have been entirely normal and accepted. Now though, the bloody school fines for anything that isnt exceptional circumstances and if a dying grandparent doesnt count as exceptional, then a birth isnt either.

1: Case law just came out which now affects all these 'fines' - councils are re-evaluating their position


2: I don't think this needs to be a week, just a few hours.

FireWyrm

duchy wrote: »

Put them up in a local travelodge ?


And yes if I needed their help of course I would- but then I wouldn't want to put the only person in a position to help me under the stairs anyway -I'd be grateful to them I wouldn't narrow my limited options any further than they are already !!

I was only half joking. I dont want my MIL in my house. I meant what I said, there is no place to put them (my MIL doesnt drive). All rooms are occupied. As it is, the new one is going to have to camp in with us for the first few years until he's old enough to go into a bunk. There is no travelodge close although that was a clever idea. I doubt she would do it anyway. She's not best pleased about being imposed on again anyway and I dont want to put her out any further.

Guest101

FireWyrm wrote: »

No, I understand that. What I meant was 'instead of home birthing', while I wait for a ride to the hospital.

The sequence of events which I am afraid of....

1) Its the middle of the night, the kids are asleep and labour starts - Worst case, you load up the prepacked bag and the 3 kids into the car and all drive to the hospital.
2) To get the kids away to the inlaws and back again will be 2 hours - Keep the kids with you. They are safe to be in a waiting room, and old enough to look after youngest
3) meanwhile, I'm alone waiting for him to come back.

In any case, how long will it take the midwife to arrive? - Typically 20-30 minutes, but depends where you live.

Perhaps the above?

FireWyrm

Guest101 wrote: »

1: Case law just came out which now affects all these 'fines' - councils are re-evaluating their position

What case law?

Guest101 wrote: »

2: I don't think this needs to be a week, just a few hours.

That's assuming I know when this is going to kick off. My due date is 23rd Feb. From two of the three pregnancies I was exactly 10 days 'late' despite what the calculations and scan say. As I said, if I wait until the last second, it is a 2 hour dash to the inlaws and back potentially in the middle of the night. I would obviously prefer that doesnt happen and to send them away in good order and during the day. The problem is the school fining for taking kids out of school which means that rather than going to the inlaws a few days early etc, I now have to cut it to the wire and hope I get away without a fine. Which is where the idea of a home birth came in. The elder kids go to school the next day.

You know what, I'm almost tempted to tell the school that it is simply going to happen that way and just pay the sodding fine. It galls me, but no one will give anyone a straight answer on what an 'exceptional' circumstance is.

duchy

So there is no ideal situation - so you will have to go with not ideal but best solution. So you can't afford a doula but you might be able to afford a chuildminder ........you don't want your husband to leave your side ......so you look into taxis to bring your MIL to the kids.

As you've said this situation is of your making so you need to find a solution rather than find objections to everything. For example - you may not WANT your MIL in your house.....but if it is the best and most affordable solution - you may just need to suck it up as you don't have any other support. You need to be looking at the big picture.

The school fine is the least of your worries and fines don't kick in until they've missed 10 sessions which is a week and you can always appeal it. You could go into labour on a weekend or a Baker day anyway ........ worry about school if and when it becomes an issue. My husband had all these plans about routes home from work - our son was a quick labour and born on a Saturday lunchtime so a lot of planning for nothing but it nice to know there was a plan even if we didn't need it in the end.

I really would NOT leave a 2 year old home alone with an 11 year old supervising though - that is a recipe for disaster.

Guest101

FireWyrm wrote: »

What case law?



That's assuming I know when this is going to kick off. My due date is 23rd Feb. From two of the three pregnancies I was exactly 10 days 'late' despite what the calculations and scan say. As I said, if I wait until the last second, it is a 2 hour dash to the inlaws and back potentially in the middle of the night. I would obviously prefer that doesnt happen and to send them away in good order and during the day. The problem is the school fining for taking kids out of school which means that rather than going to the inlaws a few days early etc, I now have to cut it to the wire and hope I get away without a fine. Which is where the idea of a home birth came in. The elder kids go to school the next day.

You know what, I'm almost tempted to tell the school that it is simply going to happen that way and just pay the sodding fine. It galls me, but no one will give anyone a straight answer on what an 'exceptional' circumstance is.

Here you go: http://www.theguardian.com/education/2015/oct/16/father-overturns-120-fine-taking-daughter-term-time-holiday

Savvy_Sue

Contact any local colleges teaching childcare, I know when mine were younger they were always looking for placements with babies and toddlers. You might find you can have a student assigned who will help out at the time of the birth, it would be amazing experience IMO.

If in doubt, ask the local midwives or HVs if they know of anything.