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Stuck in a quandry and dont know what to do
FireWyrm
Posts: 6,557 Forumite
I'm just over half way through my fourth pregnancy. It wasnt planned but my husband and I never really considered terminating it regardless of whether it is going to cause us some problems.
The first of the issues is how to safely get this baby born though and I wanted to elicit opinions since I have been mulling it over in my mind.
The kids are eleven, eight and two and a half. We have one set of inlaws but they are getting on in years and are an hour's drive away at best speed. There is no other family who can sensibly help us. I had a previous C-section for number two but a successful VBAC for number 3 last time and I am much more confident and mature than I was when I had number one anyway.
I have raised the idea of a home birth with husband but he was fairly horrified at the idea and frankly said 'no' although what he is going to do about it if I decided to do that anyway I'm not sure. I'm worried that this pregnancy might proceed quickly too as the previous one did as well. I calculate it would take about 2 hours to drop the kids off at the inlaws and get back to me, meanwhile, I'll be alone for the duration. On top of that, the schools are being obstinate and we cannot just take the kids out of school and farm them off on the inlaws for a few days prior since we are likely to get fined that way. The due date is slap bang in the middle of the term. The last baby was easier as it was half term at the time and that's pretty much what we did.
So, I have a choice.
1) try for a home birth with a militantly opposed husband
2) hoick the kids out of school for x days in advance but could be nearly two weeks (there's just no way of knowing since I have been 10 days 'late' every pregnancy so far)
3) Leave things as they are and do a midnight dash to the Inlaws when the time comes but I'll be alone for 2 hours at best.
4) have a c-section but I swore I was never going to do that again after number 2.
5) Leave the kids alone at home for the absolute minimum amount of time necessary
6) Go into hospital alone and do the labour myself.
None of these options sounds like a particularly good idea. I'm leaning towards a home birth as the best of all worlds, but I just cant seem to convince the husband who is understandably concerned. I just dont have any good arguments.
And...round and round it goes in my mind.
Opinions?
The first of the issues is how to safely get this baby born though and I wanted to elicit opinions since I have been mulling it over in my mind.
The kids are eleven, eight and two and a half. We have one set of inlaws but they are getting on in years and are an hour's drive away at best speed. There is no other family who can sensibly help us. I had a previous C-section for number two but a successful VBAC for number 3 last time and I am much more confident and mature than I was when I had number one anyway.
I have raised the idea of a home birth with husband but he was fairly horrified at the idea and frankly said 'no' although what he is going to do about it if I decided to do that anyway I'm not sure. I'm worried that this pregnancy might proceed quickly too as the previous one did as well. I calculate it would take about 2 hours to drop the kids off at the inlaws and get back to me, meanwhile, I'll be alone for the duration. On top of that, the schools are being obstinate and we cannot just take the kids out of school and farm them off on the inlaws for a few days prior since we are likely to get fined that way. The due date is slap bang in the middle of the term. The last baby was easier as it was half term at the time and that's pretty much what we did.
So, I have a choice.
1) try for a home birth with a militantly opposed husband
2) hoick the kids out of school for x days in advance but could be nearly two weeks (there's just no way of knowing since I have been 10 days 'late' every pregnancy so far)
3) Leave things as they are and do a midnight dash to the Inlaws when the time comes but I'll be alone for 2 hours at best.
4) have a c-section but I swore I was never going to do that again after number 2.
5) Leave the kids alone at home for the absolute minimum amount of time necessary
6) Go into hospital alone and do the labour myself.
None of these options sounds like a particularly good idea. I'm leaning towards a home birth as the best of all worlds, but I just cant seem to convince the husband who is understandably concerned. I just dont have any good arguments.
And...round and round it goes in my mind.
Opinions?
Debt Free! Long road, but we did it
Meet my best friend : YNAB (you need a budget)
My other best friend is a filofax.
Do or do not, there is no try....Yoda.
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Meet my best friend : YNAB (you need a budget)
My other best friend is a filofax.
Do or do not, there is no try....Yoda.
[/COLOR]
0
Comments
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Do you not have a friend you could ask to come watch the kids for a few hours at short notice?
- this would at least give time to contact a babysitting service who could then assist for the next day or two.0 -
Could one of your inlaws, or some other friend or relative come to stay with you for a few days? If not, if the youngest one could go for a holiday with them, have the older ones got close friends they could stay with for a sleepover for a night or so until you can get everything sorted? Even if you had a homebirth, you would need to have people who could look after the children if there was an emergency situation.0
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Do you not have a friend you could ask to come watch the kids for a few hours at short notice?
Sounds terrible, but no. The only one who I might have considered moved away last year and in any case, she and I are in exactly the same situation down to the day.- this would at least give time to contact a babysitting service who could then assist for the next day or two.
I dont have any 'baby sitting service' available unfortunately. My father is useless, my mother out of the picture. The only friend I have is the one above and the inlaws are all that are available.Debt Free! Long road, but we did it
Meet my best friend : YNAB (you need a budget)
My other best friend is a filofax.
Do or do not, there is no try....Yoda.
[/COLOR]0 -
Even if you had a homebirth, you would need to have people who could look after the children if there was an emergency situation.
I hadnt thought of that. Damn. Now it's one more thing to worry about. I just thought...have the kid, everything will be fine, own bed, bath etc and snuggle down for sleeps. Best scenario, it happens in the night and I dont even wake the kids.Debt Free! Long road, but we did it
Meet my best friend : YNAB (you need a budget)
My other best friend is a filofax.
Do or do not, there is no try....Yoda.
[/COLOR]0 -
What does your husband do? Can't he look after your kids for a day?0
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Sounds terrible, but no. The only one who I might have considered moved away last year and in any case, she and I are in exactly the same situation down to the day.
I dont have any 'baby sitting service' available unfortunately. My father is useless, my mother out of the picture. The only friend I have is the one above and the inlaws are all that are available.
Your husband have any friends or work colleagues?
I meant a professional baby sitting service - google will help with the search.
My experience is that your husband will be out of the house for only a few hours (however obviously some people have 24hr+ labours)0 -
Talk to your midwife they must have come across this scenario before many families live a long way from their parents etc and not everyone has loads of friends to call on. Good luck with the new addition hope it all goes smoothly.0
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I hadnt thought of that. Damn. Now it's one more thing to worry about. I just thought...have the kid, everything will be fine, own bed, bath etc and snuggle down for sleeps. Best scenario, it happens in the night and I dont even wake the kids.
Either an MLU or full consultant led unit would give you a lot more rest and support than at home - if you consider your husband might well have just done a full day's work and then running around looking after kids and then supporting you throughout the labour.
If you want the best support out of him for the weeks etc that follow it might be best to give him that little break and you can both start the shift pattern. Both of you being knackered will do no-one any good.0
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