Do I hire a private investigator

fairy_lights

jaylee3 wrote: »

Did the OP actually have a baby with this man then? why would he leave his own BABY?!

That raises another point - if he's named on the birth certificate, would he have been able to do that using a fake name, or do parents have to provide ID when registering a birth?

Guest101

jaylee3 wrote: »

I could name about 16 of my OH's colleagues, especially as half of them are on my FB friends list too. - So you've met them? The OP hasn't. I could name people I've met, but just from seeing posts on Facebook? - creepy.

How many friends did this guy have though? My OH has 55, my sister has 199. My aunt (66) has 17. They are all genuine people with genuine real life friends/people they know. It would be fairly easy to make up a dozen FB accounts and pretend they are real people. (But then surely, these people would all have very few FB friends too, which would make me suspicious...) - indeed.



All of this ^^^ :T It all sounds very odd. Did the OP actually have a baby with this man then? why would he leave his own BABY?! And yes, he must have extended family; everyone has. Even if they have little to do with them. - Not always. Depends on age etc. I'm 29 and have 1 relative in the UK.

It's all very strange. What happened to the employer? - Could be self employed contractor? His friends? Everything??? Have they all just vanished into thin air?

My guess is that he is married. I don't mean to be rude, but I don't know how anyone could be hoodwinked like this. It all sounds very elaborate.

Also, the OP has not been back since she posted the first post. I wonder if she will ever return?

No, she wont.

Freeraine

You won't have any peace until you find out who this man is and what he is hiding. I'll assume that you've done as much detective work as you can and that you need some help now to take it a stage further.

One tip - if he has left a toothbrush, comb or similar personal item, then put it in a paper bag and store it away somewhere safe (DNA sample - you never know if you might need it in the future).

I'm not convinced that your ex-partner was a conman (they usually enrich themselves at other's expense) but the fact that he arrived in you life with a 'back story' of being an orphan, estranged from the people who brought him up and generally having no history before he met you, indicates that he had run away from one life to start afresh. He is now repeating that behaviour to start again somewhere else.

I will hazard a guess: he has monumental debts and does not want to admit that he lived beyond his means. He would rather leave you guessing rather than tarnish the image you have of him. Perhaps he's taking his debts with him, rather than burden you. He may have done this before to a previous family.

For the sake of your peace of mind, I would consider having a preliminary session with a PI. You'll find one through the website of the Association of British Investigators. Have a clear aim - decide what kind of enquiry you want ('Trace' or the more complex and in depth 'Status') and get a quote from at least three.

Good luck!

Feral_Moon

Maybe he's in a witness protection scheme and felt that she was possibly about to blow his cover.

[Deleted User]

You might want to find him to get child support.. so the cost of a PI would probably be worth it in the end; when you consider 16 more years of raising a child

Even spooks need to pay their way..

jaylee3

Fair enough 'Guest101,' But I have to say that I don't see how someone could be with someone for 4 years, live together, have a child together etc etc, and not know SOMEONE that they know. And a lot more about them than they OP appears to know. I also don't see how a person could fake their job and their friends and colleagues for that long.

It all sounds very very elaborate. Like a bad film on 'True Movies...'

I have to say also that although I don't doubt what you say 'Guest,' I don't know anyone who doesn't have at least half dozen relatives in their lives; at least a grandparent and a parent and a sibling or two, and nieces and nephews etc. And if not that, a few cousins and aunts and uncles; even second cousins. (Even if they have little contact with them...) Only having one relative I would think is the exception rather than the rule.

Guest101

jaylee3 wrote: »

Fair enough 'Guest101,' But I have to say that I don't see how someone could be with someone for 4 years, live together, have a child together etc etc, and not know SOMEONE that they know. - I agree. Which is why I don't think we're getting the full story from the OP. And a lot more about them than they OP appears to know. – Defintely, it’s not 4 years summarised. If that’s all that happened I 4 years to arouse suspicion, the OP seems unstable. I also don't see how a person could fake their job and their friends and colleagues for that long. – Agreed again.

It all sounds very very elaborate. Like a bad film on 'True Movies...'

I have to say also that although I don't doubt what you say 'Guest,' I don't know anyone who doesn't have at least half dozen relatives in their lives; at least a grandparent and a parent and a sibling or two, and nieces and nephews etc. And if not that, a few cousins and aunts and uncles; even second cousins. (Even if they have little contact with them...) Only having one relative I would think is the exception rather than the rule.

It’s definitely not common to have so few relatives, but it does happen. I’m foreign, so whilst I have other family members, they are abroad and I don’t see them often.
If I had an English name, no-one would guess I was foreign (no accent). And most people I know haven’t met any of my relatives, even friends I’ve had for 10 years or more.

Bean83

jaylee3 wrote: »

Fair enough 'Guest101,' But I have to say that I don't see how someone could be with someone for 4 years, live together, have a child together etc etc, and not know SOMEONE that they know. And a lot more about them than they OP appears to know. I also don't see how a person could fake their job and their friends and colleagues for that long.

Unfortunately, this story sounds extremely similar to what I am convinced is currently happening to a friend of mine (although no child involved at this point). They too do not really know anything about their partner, and if the partner chose to up and leave one day (which I am sure they will) and delete their phone number, my friend will never be able to contact them again. (I should point out I have tried explaining this to said friend but they are 'in love' and refuse to listen!).

I don't think it is a con (i.e. there is no financial benefit), rather the person involved has got numerous partners on the go, and is potentially suffering from some sort of mental illness/personality disorder that makes them a compulsive liar.

Tropez

Candyapple wrote: »

Did he not have any bank statements sent to the address you both shared? Surely you must have seen at least sight of one? Or where else were his wages supposed paid into?

Most banks, credit card companies, stores that offer credit etc. encourage their customers to register for Internet account management and take paper-free statements - they claim to help the environment, but of course, it's just one less administrative expense for them though that is another matter.

It is, however, quite possible that someone would never receive a paper bank statement. I haven't received one for many years now. Even the annual review my bank does is a PDF download from within my Internet banking. The only time the bank send me postage is when they are changing terms and conditions or sending a new debit card.

Logically he should have received at least one debit card in the time the OP and he had known each other but not necessarily during the time they lived together.

FBaby

Fair enough 'Guest101,' But I have to say that I don't see how someone could be with someone for 4 years, live together, have a child together etc etc, and not know SOMEONE that they know. And a lot more about them than they OP appears to know. I also don't see how a person could fake their job and their friends and colleagues for that long.

For the good reason that if you start questioning things to the extent of the deceit that seems to have taken place, the line between reality and manic paranoia becomes a bit blur.

There are a number of famous stories of people living a complete lie that no-one questioned because they were so good at building the lie. It usually starts as a 'little' deceit, but then it snowballs to the point where it takes form of a whole new life. It gets harder and harder to substantiate the lies and the person has no choice to disappear when the cover is about to blow. I believe a few books, maybe films have been following such real life stories.

So whether OP is real or not, I do believe that it can happen, and I believe that it could happen to almost anyone. Unfortunately, it is likely that he paid much attention to cover his steps, so finding his true identity might prove very difficult. I assume you have been through any corner of the house to try to find any paperwork or whatever from his past?

One suggestion is that such people often fabricate lies based on true events. Is there anything he could have told you about his past that now triggers questions that you could try to google? Maybe start with the name he invented? Is it common? I'm sure it won't link directly to him, but if it isn't so common, it might the name of someone who has a link to him?