Do I hire a private investigator

Shelly193

My fiance has disappeared after I found out he was not being honest with me. We met almost four years ago at a bar. Together we have a two year old son, were due to marry next year and had an excellent relationship. He was perfect in every way, until I found out he was lying. We all now believe he is not who he said he was.
He would always go away for weeks on end. His job was installing mobile phone masts all over the country. He had pictures on his facebook of phone masts in rural locations like the shetlands and a uniform to match. Comments on facebook were always from his work colleagues having a laugh and joke with him. Everything about him appeared real.

There was a time early on in the relationship where he asked me to renew his car insurance whilst he was away. I tried, but it never worked. He told me afterwards I entered the car registration wrong, but now we believe he did this to make me think he was who he said he was. My brother was always suspicious about the car. It was a top of the range [Text removed by MSE Forum Team] that is according to my brother an expensive car.
He told me he never had any family. They died in a house fire when he was a baby, and that he was raised by a foster family who he despises.

When I gave birth he was overjoyed. He kept going on about how important a family is to him, having not had a family growing up. He was a great father, always made an extra effort and provided everything we needed. It was after giving birth when he proposed to me. The ring he proposed with is spectacular. After he disappeared we had the ring examined by the police thinking it was stolen. Part of me hoped it was so they would go looking for him. The ring has not been reported stolen anywhere in the country. I had the ring valued, and it is worth far more than someone doing the job he said he did, could afford.

I found out he was not being entirely honest when my sister spotted him at a [Text removed by MSE Forum Team]. She phoned me asking if I knew he was back in [Text removed by MSE Forum Team]. He was, as I was led to believe away for two months in [Text removed by MSE Forum Team]. I went down to the NEC to see if it was him, and catching him off guard, he was shocked to see me. He said he was looking to buy me a new car as a suprise, this is why he never let me know he was home.
After this I was suspicious. When he was taking a bath one evening I went through his phone and wallet. The phone was empty, and the wallet had no Formal ID, only a library card and other pointless cards with his name on. No credit cards or a drivers license.

I started questioning everything, and together with my mom, we tried to get his birth certificate saying we needed it to book the church. He ordered a new one online saying he had lost his and then one morning I woke up to find him gone. The last message I have from him is him telling me that he can't be with someone who doesn't trust him, and to never contact him again. All of his facebook has been deleted, including the profiles of every friend he had which is strange. The phone number has been deactivated, and the company he said he worked for was liquidated.

There is no trace of him that I can find. This is why I'm thinking of a private investigator. All I have is his name and the details of his car. This was nearing six months ago. I am devestated because I loved him. It is heartbreaking to think he could just leave his son like that. What I think is he has another family, and I was a bit on the side that he kept at arms length.
The stress of this is driving me insane. I sit up most nights thinking he is going to call. Every time I hear a loud car go by I race to the window thinking it is him. I just can't fathom how someone could be this cruel. I need to know the truth.

VfM4meplse

OP, you must feel like your life has been turned upside down because it has, and I have a lot if sympathy. I don't see how a hiring a PI will buy you peace of mind or help you move on, though. But move on you must: by turning this into an obsession you are only going to harm yourself.

You know this guy was dishonest, isn't it easier to assume it was all lies and try to put this behind you? The evidence a PI can unearth still won't give you any insight into his psyche, the mystery will merely deepen at a financial cost to yourself.

The only worthwhile reason for using a PI in my view is if you need to track his true ID down for child maintenance payments, or suspect that you might be implicated in a fraud (in a Weatherfield-One kind of way). It might be a good idea to share what you know with the police, because the chances are he will be repeating this with some other victim.

PeacefulWaters

He's not what you thought he was. Or who you thought he was.

He's a conman.

If you track him down only do it for child support.

Get counselling. Start to move on.

It's a horrible story. Good luck.

whitewing

I would see if the police are interested in the whole story.

Or you could try a Sarah's Law application on the basis that you need to see if he is potentially a danger to your child. This may be the quickest initial route. (Call 101 to request it).

See the outcome and if necessary hire a pi after that but set a budget and stick to it.

FBaby

What a complete shock this must have come to you. My heart goes to you. I don't know whether hiring a PI is the way to go but I do know that on your shoes I would need to try to get some answers is only to have something to say to my child when he starts asking questions.

dktreesea

Do you know the registration number of the car? If you do, start with glass auto valuations http://www.glass.co.uk/valuations/ and put in the registration number and it will give you details and value of the car. Then maybe look at Audi R8s on auto trader (there are only around 200 of this car available for sale in all of the UK at any one time) for the year of his car and see if anyone has put one up for sale. See if the registration matches what you have. If you don't have it written down, have a look through some of your photos together. The car might be there in the background.


If you do find the car for sale, get someone else to ring up and arrange to go around and see the car.

ognum

Shelly193 wrote: »

My fiance has disappeared after I found ...

I can feel your upset and confusion in your post but I think you are aware you were not in love with the man you were/are in love with the illusion he created.

You new things were not right or you would not have started investigating him in the way you did. You did the right thing to act on your feelings and try to find out the truth.

The question of a private investigator is a difficult one, the answers probably won't do you any good but may help to settle your mind. I think I would talk to one, find out what they think the chances are of getting information. Find out the cost, don't go into debt for it.

The other thing it will do if you find out more is take his power away from him and give it to you. At the moment he holds all the cards, can come back if/ when he chooses. You need to hold the information.

On reflection I would try to find out.

dktreesea

Did you ever meet any of his friends in the flesh? What about the bar where you met? Is it worth getting your friends to maybe stake it out for a couple of nights to see if he turns up? If he did this to you, maybe he is doing it to other people.

scooby088

Maybe he is married, weeks away spinning this line to others. Or maybe this story is too far fetched to believe.

danandjens_worldtravels

If you still have access to any of his profile pictures, or those of his friends you can search Google images.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QLgTtSRQOco

Mojisola

Shelly193 wrote: »

All I have is his name and the details of his car.

I'd be surprised if he gave you his real name.