Do I hire a private investigator

Guest101

fairy_lights wrote: »

Which just seems so insane...to have created (depending how many facebook friends he had) dozens of fake accounts based on fake friends, he would have had to set up email addresses for each of them, find photos to use on their profiles, made up details and posts etc. He could have just told OP that he doesn't use facebook and didn't have a profile instead of going to such weird lengths.

Exactly.


I know we take Op story at face value but we've not got 4 years of history on that post

makingplans4nigel

Back in the day it was so much easier, all you needed was a 2nd phone and a sick auntie. None of this fakebook profile, fake friends and fake job. Just one little lie (sick auntie) and a whole bunch of secrets.

TBagpuss

OP, what would you be hoping to achieve by hiring a PI?
Knowing that he has another family? An attempt to contact him directly for answers? Accurate ID for child support?
I think you need to be xclear yourself about what your aims are so that you can then make a choice about whether you are likely to be able to achieve them and whether it is likely to be cost effective to do so.

I think the suggestions to search google images, and to set up a new facebook account, or get someone who you are not facebook friends with to search his name to see whether his account may still be there, but blocked.

If you remember the car reg number it is possible to request the name and address of the registered keeper from DVLA but whethre they would consider your situatio to justify the request is another matter (the process is mostly used to track down people who fail to provide their details after an accident!)

It's possible that he already had another family and that the strain of keeping up the lies, and perhaps the fact that you were planning a wedding, got to much for him.

It's possible that his income and the expensive things he bought were all bought on credit, and that he reached the end of the credit he could access and ran away rather than face the debt. (although assuming he has been living with you, I would expect you have heard from debt collectors by now if that were the case).

It's possible that his income came from drugs or something else illegal and that he has disappeared because of that, and because he doesn't want you to find out.

It's possible that eveything he told you was true, and that he has gone in reaction to feeling you didn't trust him. It sounds, objectively like a huge overreaction but if he was orphaned and then had unhappy experiences as a foster child he may have lots of issues around trust and abandonment, and may have abandoed you as a preemptive strike before you could abandon him - and if he does have issues that might also explain leaving his child - it is actually not uncommon for people to have a mentality that a child will be 'better off without me', if they perceive themselves as having failed.

duchy

These kind of people are Walter Mitty type characters ........

What seems insane lengths to go to -to keep a deception going -to a normal person -is a part of the kink in their personality. You can't use normal thinking with people like this as they simply aren't normal.

The horrible thing for their victims is it all sounds so insane that when they explain it to friends or family the reaction tends to be much like yours....... that no-one would go to such lengths and the victim must be dim or isn't telling the whole truth.

Double_V

pimento wrote: »

I bet they don't.

Well normal people.

People into stalking, affairs, love, cheating will have many.

Guest101

Double_V wrote: »

Well normal people.

People into stalking, affairs, love, cheating will have many.

People into love have many?? huh?

pimento

Double_V wrote: »

Well normal people.

People into stalking, affairs, love, cheating will have many.

I have two. Only rarely use the 'spare' but it does come in handy.

Candyapple

Did he not have any bank statements sent to the address you both shared? Surely you must have seen at least sight of one? Or where else were his wages supposed paid into?

How did he used to pay for things when you went out?

Did you ever go on holiday with him? Did you see his passport?

You said he ordered a new birth certificate after you requested it, did you actually see/receive it?

Sounds like you’ve been Catfished – the whole “working away” for weeks, the Facebook profile and his “friends” profiles were all made up by him, he used a fake wallet/phone when with you in case you ever snooped, family all allegedly deceased so you can’t ask questions ask his background.

Shelly193 wrote: »

He told me he never had any family. They died in a house fire when he was a baby, and that he was raised by a foster family who he despises.

You sound quite young OP so assuming you are either in your 30s or younger and so was your OH, then surely a house fire which killed a family, all except a baby (which begs the question as to who was looking after him instead of his mum and where are they now), would have made the newspapers back in the day, if not nationally then definitely locally. You should look into that further.

Also, even if his parents and/or siblings died in this alleged fire, what about extended family? Are we meant to believe he had no grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins on EITHER maternal or paternal sides etc.? No-one who would be interested in the welfare of a baby?

jaylee3

Guest101 wrote: »

But what kind of person notes down the names of all their partners work colleagues? 1 or 2 maybe.

I could name about 16 of my OH's colleagues, especially as half of them are on my FB friends list too.

How many friends did this guy have though? My OH has 55, my sister has 199. My aunt (66) has 17. They are all genuine people with genuine real life friends/people they know. It would be fairly easy to make up a dozen FB accounts and pretend they are real people. (But then surely, these people would all have very few FB friends too, which would make me suspicious...)

Candyapple wrote: »

Did he not have any bank statements sent to the address you both shared? Surely you must have seen at least sight of one? Or where else were his wages supposed paid into?

How did he used to pay for things when you went out?

Did you ever go on holiday with him? Did you see his passport?

You said he ordered a new birth certificate after you requested it, did you actually see/receive it?

Sounds like you’ve been Catfished – the whole “working away” for weeks, the Facebook profile and his “friends” profiles were all made up by him, he used a fake wallet/phone when with you in case you ever snooped, family all allegedly deceased so you can’t ask questions ask his background.

You sound quite young OP so assuming you are either in your 30s or younger and so was your OH, then surely a house fire which killed a family, all except a baby (which begs the question as to who was looking after him instead of his mum and where are they now), would have made the newspapers back in the day, if not nationally then definitely locally. You should look into that further.

Also, even if his parents and/or siblings died in this alleged fire, what about extended family? Are we meant to believe he had no grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins on EITHER maternal or paternal sides etc.? No-one who would be interested in the welfare of a baby?

All of this ^^^ :T It all sounds very odd. Did the OP actually have a baby with this man then? why would he leave his own BABY?! And yes, he must have extended family; everyone has. Even if they have little to do with them.

It's all very strange. What happened to the employer? His friends? Everything??? Have they all just vanished into thin air?

My guess is that he is married. I don't mean to be rude, but I don't know how anyone could be hoodwinked like this. It all sounds very elaborate.

Also, the OP has not been back since she posted the first post. I wonder if she will ever return?

ognum

I am interested in the suggestion that this man could have been set up by the police or special forces to snoop on the ops family or friends. I have heard of this happening.

Op do you have any underworld links?