Do I hire a private investigator

74jax

I would make sure you screen shot as much as you can, get detail of friends, names, photos. Just in case the wife vanishes too.

moneyistooshorttomention

Well...I recall one of the posters here suggesting trying variations on his name and age. She was spot on then:T

I imagine your emotions and thoughts as to how to handle this will see-saw for a while yet - before settling on deciding exactly what you will do about this.

Personally - I think his wife deserves to know what sort of husband she has got. It's then up to her what she does about the fact that (all unbeknownedst to yourself) he has been unfaithful to her like that for the last 4 years.

You may not be the only person he has been treating this way too - there may yet be another woman or two somewhere that he is doing this too as well.

Whatever the case - I would be safeguarding my own position in your place (ie contacting the CSA re child support)/making sure I changed the locks/protected my security all round. Once I had done that and taken screenshots of this Facebook info. you've found - then I would tell his wife. I think she has the right to know what sort of man she is married to. I don't suppose she's got a clue what her husband is like and may even think she's happily married to a man who just happens to go away a lot. Chances are she will find out one day anyway - but it might be quite some years in the future. By then - she might have had a child/another child by him and that would be another poor child tied up in a situation like this.

So - I think its best to tell her now - before she gets even "deeper" into her marriage in ignorance of what he's like (once you've got those screenshots, etc).

KRB2725

If it was my husband that had cheated and had another child elsewhere, I would absolutely want to know. Heck, he even proposed to you. I would not want to be protected from the reality of what I was married to. His wife should be able to make the choice about whether she forgives or not.

Personally, I would contact the CSA (or whatever it is now called) and let everything unravel from there. You don't need to have any contact with him.

FBaby

Shelly, sorry to be questioning your story, deep inside, I do think it is true, but I can't help feeling a bit dubious how you found him along with the timing.

Can I ask what took you to this woman's profile and what made you click on it? I am not not a Facebook expert, but I don't understand how if his profile didn't come up, you ended up linking to his wife's? If there were thousands of people with his name (and variances of it), how did her profile come up and why would you think of clicking on it, and then investigate further when that person's husband profile didn't come up?

pimento

Shelly193 wrote: »

We found him this afternoon. My sister had the idea of searching facebook for his name, but trying different spelling variations of his surname. We must have searched thousands of people, when we noticed a woman, married to his name living in Jersey. I clicked on the name to view his profile, and it came up saying the profile does not exist. My sister logged in facebook on her phone, getting the same message.
We setup a new facebook account, not linked to either of us, looked up the profile and there he was. He probably blocked every friend I had, to stop me finding him. Thankfully, his lovely wife had everything public.

I'm sorry to hear this. It was the worst case scenario but it does prove that a second Facebook profile does come in handy. It also proves that you're only as strong as your weakest link.

mrsHall2b

FBaby wrote: »

Shelly, sorry to be questioning your story, deep inside, I do think it is true, but I can't help feeling a bit dubious how you found him along with the timing.

Can I ask what took you to this woman's profile and what made you click on it? I am not not a Facebook expert, but I don't understand how if his profile didn't come up, you ended up linking to his wife's? If there were thousands of people with his name (and variances of it), how did her profile come up and why would you think of clicking on it, and then investigate further when that person's husband profile didn't come up?

They searched for variations of his first and last name, the lady has the same second name as the ex as they are married and her realtionship status obviously said married to *ex's name* then when you click on ex's name it says the profile doesnt exist...
however upon making a new facebook account the profile is there for all to see meaning ex had blocked OP & her family/friends making it seem like he had disappeared.

moneyistooshorttomention

I would just say its courtesy of one HECK of a lot of Facebook searching later and entirely understandable to put so much effort into trying this variation/trying that variation/etc.

Add the fact that I personally believe we sometimes get help when we need it most pointing us in the right direction (yep....that "guardian angel" stuff...you know the one = a hard-to-get book we really need to see falls off the bookshop shelves in front of us as we walk past) and a thought just comes into our minds of "I'll try that way...." and it comes up trumps for us and we find the information we need.

Mr_Costcutter

I have to agree with Fbaby.

OP, I genuinely believed your story to begin with, but I'm afraid things just do not add up.

hhermione666

I feel sorry for you and this is the wired story I have heard.Leave the conman and restart your life.

moneyistooshorttomention

Its astonishing just how often people unwittingly believe someone's pack of lies - and base their lives around it. OP is another person who has believed the wrong person (ie this man) and hence her and her family spent 4 years being taken in by him.

It happens - all too often. I've only read yet another story in the paper this morning about a middle-aged perfectly intelligent woman who got taken in by a conman and (in her case) has lost thousands of £s to him. This sort of story comes up in the Press virtually on a weekly basis. Many of us have been/or know someone who has been taken in by one of these con merchants.

Only within recent months a friend of mine told me the saga about this man she knows (and I've met) who thought he was online dating with this really "wanteable" woman (attractive, moneyed, etc, etc) and this would be It. We were both just waiting for the moment he would finally realise that this woman was a figment of a fraudsters imagination. He did realise - eventually...