Do I hire a private investigator

BucksLady

fairy_lights wrote: »

Why would you assume that?

I should imagine for the same reason that many people who win the Lottery wish to keep a low profile - I certainly would.

BucksLady

fairy_lights wrote: »

If the OP and her family members have been desperately trying to find him and all searching for him on facebook, trying any names that could be connected then I can believe they could have stumbled on his wife's profile.
)

Maybe, but they have left it 6 months to explore the option of trying alternative spellings of the surname. I think it is probably the first thing most people would try if they were desperate to find someone.

Tropez

I found my birth mother on Facebook with a lot less information than the OP would have had. I didn't even know her current surname. It's not impossible to track someone down.

Once you start doing more general searches, you find a lot more people. Furthermore, Facebook prioritises people you might know. The algorithm to work out who you might know is partly based on who has been looking at your profile - ie. if two people happen to look at each other's profile, even if they are not "Friends", Facebook takes it as a sign that they may know each other.

In this instance, OP's ex will likely have looked at OP's profile from his wife's profile in order to block her. When OP performs a general search, Facebook discounts the blocking (as Facebook doesn't want people to know who has blocked them) but recalls that the profile was viewed from that account which elevates it in the search results and suddenly you've got someone with such and such a surname who lives near a location associated with the OP's ex. OP tries to view profile but is told it doesn't exist, which is a flaw in Facebook's programming (and a well known one at that) that indicates she's been blocked. It's enough to dig a little more.

[Deleted User]

There's tonnes you can find out online - When I was selling my house, I did background research on the people buying our house to see if I could stop them from knocking down our asking price; worked a charm (Found out when they were getting married, where their parents lived and their jobs...)

With a combination of 192.com, Facebook and Linkedin you can dig up loads of stuff these days.

I'm impressed that using variations of surnames worked; I think a reverse image search would have turned up the same info.

Mr_Costcutter

Tropez wrote: »

I found my birth mother on Facebook with a lot less information than the OP would have had. I didn't even know her current surname. It's not impossible to track someone down.

It may be possible to track someone down using the internet. However, I find it odd that it has taken 6 months of searching for the OP to find this info. A result which runs parallel to the creation of this Thread.

peachyprice

Mr_Costcutter wrote: »

It may be possible to track someone down using the internet. However, I find it odd that it has taken 6 months of searching for the OP to find this info. A result which runs parallel to the creation of this Thread.

And then bang, 2 days after posting on MSE she finds him. Who'd have thought.

74jax

BigAunty wrote: »

Does she pop to his place of work, issue a cheery 'good morning, how's the weather in Jersey?' to him through the car window as he arrives and drive off, leaving him to experience the sinking feeling in the stomach for once, the lack of control, that she has put him through.

BigAunty wrote: »

It's a shame that the 'engagement' ring is so expensive (although I think the resale value of rings can be very poor), She could post it back to his home address (forgetting to put his name on the envelope?) with a brief note saying 'The wedding is off. Please can you get in touch about child support as our son could do with a new pair of shoes and there's a school trip coming up that he'd love to go on ', enclosing a picture of them all together, plus a snap of him at the hospital cradling the newborn and enclosing a mobile number in case the opener of the letter wants to get in touch...
.

i'm starting to doubt my sanity as i love these ideas......... I think i've been watching too much TV.

moneyistooshorttomention

ringo_24601 wrote: »

There's tonnes you can find out online - When I was selling my house, I did background research on the people buying our house to see if I could stop them from knocking down our asking price; worked a charm (Found out when they were getting married, where their parents lived and their jobs...)

With a combination of 192.com, Facebook and Linkedin you can dig up loads of stuff these days.

I'm impressed that using variations of surnames worked; I think a reverse image search would have turned up the same info.

Well...look at that recent tv programme "Hunted" for instance as to how easy it can be to track people down these days:eek:

I can certainly think of a personal case - ie where someone was expecting me to trust them financially. It took about two seconds (well certainly not very long.....:cool:) for me to find out that they are indeed as untrustworthy financially as I suspected they were. So - an hour or two research about them and there is No Way Hosea they are going to get me trusting them in the way they were hoping for:D.

It's astonishing just how much can be found out on line these days - and hence my own Facebook account is under a name that no-one would guess about in a month of Sundays (courtesy of knowing that my last employer was more than a little "intrusive").

duchy

peachyprice wrote: »

And then bang, 2 days after posting on MSE she finds him. Who'd have thought.

Or maybe by posting (and the fact she was ready to post about it) gave the OP more clarity regarding how to search ?

I know from first hand experience these types of people and situations exist and it is far more frequent than many people realize as often people don't tell anyone but their closest family about it because they feel foolish, humiliated etc and don't need people judging them or disbelieving they were completely taken in just like some posters on here are doing.

My feelings are the OP has a business address - so a legal approach via that to obtain child support ( and recompense for any wedding expenses incurred possibly) is the way to go. Trying to humiliate him with his wife will likely give him reason and grounds to claim she's some kind of crazed fantasist and bunny boiler and he has an awful lot to lose financially if it causes a divorce so will likely do everything he can to discredit her. The OP should expect him to insist on a paternity test even if she does it the "quiet route" though.

moneyistooshorttomention

Oh yes....this conman is going to retaliate one way or another. I think that's a given:(

Hence why I echo the thoughts of various posters here about OP protecting herself before she "goes for him".

He is NOT going to be a happy bunny and that's a certainty. But OP has her self-respect to take into account and protecting other people (including that poor wife and any possible child they might have in the future) from this conman.

Worst case analysis time and, provided OP has taken appropriate security precautions, etc (as specified by various posters earlier in the thread) then imo all he can do is Be Nasty. Someone doing the "Be Nasty" stuff to you is upsetting (as I know from personal experience) - but you have to keep a logical head on your shoulders and work out whether they actually/really have the means to hurt you (eg hurt you physically/attack your finances in some way/etc) and the vast majority of the time - these characters don't and are just going to go for intimidatory tactics, but cant actually really hurt you in any way.

So....so <shrug shoulders> and get on and deal with them. <put foot firmly down smilie>

EDIT; Yep....this character trying to make out OP is a "bunny boiler" in retaliation is the most likely scenario. Been there...done that....and absolutely blo*dy livid when I realised the wotname concerned was obviously trying to say that about me (ie from this strangers illogical behaviour towards me). That was very upsetting - to have Mr Conman trying to make out that I was like that - when I'm far too logical to go in for that sort of behaviour. It happens....it happens...and was a blessing in disguise in the event (ie because it showed him up Big Time for what he was).

2nd EDIT: I doubt he'll go for a paternity test personally. Why ask for something that will provide proof of what has happened? I doubt he will put OP through that personally. I still think his retaliation will be just a load of Nasty Talk. So what? "Sticks and stones can break my bones - but words can never hurt me" as the phrase goes...