Do I hire a private investigator

[Deleted User]

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Well...look at that recent tv programme "Hunted" for instance as to how easy it can be to track people down these days:eek:

I can certainly think of a personal case - ie where someone was expecting me to trust them financially. It took about two seconds (well certainly not very long.....:cool:) for me to find out that they are indeed as untrustworthy financially as I suspected they were. So - an hour or two research about them and there is No Way Hosea they are going to get me trusting them in the way they were hoping for:D.

It's astonishing just how much can be found out on line these days - and hence my own Facebook account is under a name that no-one would guess about in a month of Sundays (courtesy of knowing that my last employer was more than a little "intrusive").

Yep, the problem is never your security, but the security of other peoples links back to you. All it takes is your mother or sibling to mention you, or link to you; and your security is gone.

I'm non-political and won't mention work on facebook, so I don't mind that I've got mine in my real name and linked to my friends and family. I don't go out of my way to 'friend' colleagues on facebook though.

The OP should set the CSA on him and be done with it

Guest101

BucksLady wrote: »

The GMC guidelines issue advice to GP's and there are situations where a court order is not deemed necessary.

The information isn't the GPs to decide what to do with.


It belongs to the patient.


The exceptional circumstances are for example:


Patient is being sectioned under the mental health act.


Not the patients ex wants some details.

BigAunty

74jax wrote: »

i'm starting to doubt my sanity as i love these ideas......... I think i've been watching too much TV.

To be honest, I now have doubts about my planting horrible ideas in the OPs head, I'm very ambivalent about my suggestions. It's really a shame to drag his missus into it, even though its tempting to point out how she's been deceived.

When the ex or the ex and his wife finds out that the OP knows his true identity and relationship status, then there will be consequences for all parties involved, some that can't be anticipated. Once the tiger is out of the cage, it won't go back. Things will unravel, it could all become really nasty.

Think how quite typical relationship breakdowns can become very sour and vindictive, very quickly, despite the relationship being a long-term respectful one with no major catastophes involved.

Now consider how much of a meltdown could happen when it involves someone who is an artful liar, who has practiced infidelity on at least two women at the same time, and who has invested a lot of time and energy so they are not found. This guy ultimately despises his wife, ex partner and son, and has prioritised his own happiness and security over everyone else's.

BigAunty

I don't know if the OPs ex will be able to get away or not from paying child support if he can convince the authorities he lives in Jersey. Yes, his company is apparently in the UK but the rules around residency are complex. Perhaps members on the child support board can advise.

On this thread, it is suggested that the CSA (now renamed to something else) does not cover Jersey.

"The Child Support Agency only has jurisdiction in the UK, in other words England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. However, it does not include the Channel Islands or the Isle of Man. If one or more parties live abroad, the CSA is unable to give a calculation of the amount of maintenance a non-resident parent should pay. If either parent or the child is not resident in the UK, the court does have the power to make and vary a maintenance order. "

http://www.childsupportlaws.co.uk/moving-abroad-issues.html

Perhaps by either physically moving back to Jersey, or being a Jersey resident on paper, the OPs ex might be able to get away with not paying a penny. She needs expert advice on this (I have no technical knowledge of this area and I doubt anyone else has on this forum).

EDIT - just to muddy the waters, here is a website that suggests Jersey has Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Orders.

Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Orders (REMO) is the process by which maintenance orders made by UK courts on behalf of UK residents can be registered and enforced by courts or other authorities in other countries against people resident there.

http://www.nidirect.gov.uk/reciprocal-enforcement-of-maintenance-orders

itsanne

BigAunty wrote: »

To be honest, I now have doubts about my planting horrible ideas in the OPs head, I'm very ambivalent about my suggestions. It's really a shame to drag his missus into it, even though its tempting to point out how she's been deceived.

When the ex or the ex and his wife finds out that the OP knows his true identity and relationship status, then there will be consequences for all parties involved, some that can't be anticipated. Once the tiger is out of the cage, it won't go back. Things will unravel, it could all become really nasty.

Think how quite typical relationship breakdowns can become very sour and vindictive, very quickly, despite the relationship being a long-term respectful one with no major catastophes involved.

Now consider how much of a meltdown could happen when it involves someone who is an artful liar, who has practiced infidelity on at least two women at the same time, and who has invested a lot of time and energy so they are not found. This guy ultimately despises his wife, ex partner and son, and has prioritised his own happiness and security over everyone else's.

I've followed but not posted until now. I agree with this ^^^, with one proviso: for her son's sake in the long run, I think she should contact the CSA and let things go from there.

ETA Just seen your edit.

moneyistooshorttomention

Actually Big Aunty - that particular thought (ie re Jersey) is beginning to make this bloke look more and more like he was out to play S*lly B*ggers with someone or other right from the outset - and has quite likely done this more than once.

He hasn't half put a lot of thought into how to get away with it....

Tropez

Mr_Costcutter wrote: »

It may be possible to track someone down using the internet. However, I find it odd that it has taken 6 months of searching for the OP to find this info. A result which runs parallel to the creation of this Thread.

Perhaps but people who are stressed often don't consider things that might seem obvious to outsiders. She could honestly not have considered to base her search around alternate spellings of the surname.

I know from my own experience with my birth mother (and I wasn't even stressed about it) the last name I searched for was the most obvious one - her maiden name. I didn't search for her maiden name prior because the evidence I had suggested she wasn't using it and it turns out she was. Once I figured that out it took a matter of hours to locate someone I'd been looking for a long time. An outsider looking in would regard my not searching by maiden name as stupid, and honestly, even I do now. But I was working with the evidence available to me at the time.

The idea for the OP to search by alternate spelling surfaced on this thread and so she did it. I don't find it particularly odd that this was the key to unlocking the mystery, as it were. Most people are only a few correct clicks away from being found but sometimes those correct clicks are not obvious to others - particularly if we assume the OP has had little cause in her life to be hunting people down on FB.

xoxo_2

If you block someone or someone blocks you on Facebook it's like they don't exist at all. So they wouldn't show up in a search and then say the profile doesn't exist, they just wouldn't appear at all.

LilElvis

peachyprice wrote: »

And then bang, 2 days after posting on MSE she finds him. Who'd have thought.

And one of the nastier AEs/trolls also boasted about how many pages of posts they could push a thread to by drip feeding information to keep the interest going.

Candyapple

I find myself siding with Fbaby and other posters, it all seems to be a bit too coincidental to have found him now, 2 days after starting this thread.

In the event it is a true story, in my opinion, the wife needs to know. My reasons for this are:

1. Unknown to her, her whole married life is a lie. Surely she should get to choose to lead an authentic life with a partner who values her and not this two-timing scum, rather than waste god knows how many more years with him.
2. If she has been married for 4 years and doesn’t have any kids with him yet, she may be actively trying to get pregnant. If she stays with him without knowing the truth, she is wasting her precious child-bearing years the longer she remains with him.
3. She (and the OP) may be at risk of STDs and would need to get checked
4. If she has any children with this man, the OP’s child will have half siblings and vice versa. This is a major issue that will need to be handled sensitively with regards to hopefully forging a successful relationship whereby the siblings know of each other and can maintain contact.
5. There is a possibility that the engagement ring is one of the wife’s (she could have numerous expensive rings and not wear them so they are in a drawer and he nicked it passing it on to the OP knowing his wife would not notice) or perhaps it is a family heirloom and she would recognise it.


OP if you do contact the wife, you need to make sure that you do not place any blame on her, she is as much a victim in this as you are. I can only imagine what a devastated blow it would be to find out that not only was your husband playing around, but he also had a child with another woman, was in love with her and proposed to her as well. The level of deceit and betrayal is just unbelievable. If you do contact her, be prepared for her to not believe a word you have said and also any pics you send etc. he could dismiss you as being a bunny boiler or a bitter ex who hasn’t got over him etc. Even if she doesn’t believe you, at least you know you have told her the truth so you can walk away with your conscious clear. Also, assuming she can’t believe it because it’s so frightening to think someone you love can do that to you, you will have planted the seed of doubt in her mind and she may even go back and question things which didn’t sit right with her at the time, digging until she realises the truth herself.

Do you have any pics which place you and him as dating/being together in the 4 years? What I mean is something like a tattoo, piercing, or a haircut/style he may have had that his wife would recognise e.g. he got that tattoo done in 2013 so how can he explain her as being an ex-girlfriend if she has a pic of them together since then?

Just read BigAunty’s post and yes I can see both sides of the argument with regards to telling/not telling the wife as you are opening a can of worms. People are unpredictable. However I can only speak for myself and if I was in the wife’s shoes, I would want to know, regardless of how I found out or who told me, I would want to know. The truth will come out eventually.