Do I hire a private investigator

duchy

I think you need to stop and breathe a bit.

There was a lot of suggestions and advice - but there's nothing to say you need to do anything with it right now.

Just like you don't need to actively look for him until you are mentally strong enough to deal with it. This thread and how you acted might tell you that you aren't yet and your priority is getting yourself strong again first ....... If he's findable he'll still be equally findable in 6 month or a year's time.

Shelly193

I was coming back to edit that out to something else before anyone seen it. You are right about me not being mentally strong at the moment. I feel defeated. Any trace of the person I once was, has evapourated up into the atmosphere, and rained back down leaving a giant puddle of nothing.
Lying is not something I am proud of. After what happened to me, telling lies should be the last thing I do.
At the time I sent it, I thought of it as an easy escape. Everyone would have thought it was over, nobody would ask personal questions and I could go. Immediately afterwards, the feeling of guilt started consuming me. In a twisted, ironic way, I became him.

Thank you to everyone for all your advice. I think it's best for me, if I take a break from trying to find him. This has become an obsession to the point, by lying to people, I have become like him. I don't want to be like him ever again.

Raine_E_Day

You are understandably very fragile at the moment so you really do need to concentrate on yourself so you are strong enough to deal with this. You say you lied because of the pressure. Maybe your partner has lied/ disappeared because of some pressure. We do not know all the facts so I think people were just picking up on the things you mentioned and trying to help – to save the cost of hiring a PI, but being on an open forum I suppose some messages would have been direct and a bit intrusive. It would have been easier (and easier on your conscience) to ignore/block the messages or alternatively, you could have just not posted again. But it is good of you to come back and confirm the doubts some of us had.

I notice you are again posting in the early hours (so am I, but I'm just a chronic insomniac!), so suggestion number one: go to bed at a reasonable hour and try and get some sleep! This will help you cope. Suggestion number two: forget about PI for moment but contact Child Support/Maintenance if you wish to pursue – even just to find out about local support, both practical and emotional. Also, maybe a visit to Citizens Advice. You (or PI if you eventually take this route) could go to Carlisle, Guernsey, Jersey or wherever, and he eventually may be found, but you are unlikely to ever find out why he has gone. Thirdly, focus on your child who will be picking up on your increasing stress. In reality you are no further forward than when you first posted.

PS– I wrote an hour or so ago but wandered off without posting and I just noticed you had edited your post and added a second to say 'you had almost become him'. So I have removed from my post the part where I pointed this out to you! Not in those same exact words, but about you both fabricating life stories.

seven-day-weekend

Quids_Inn wrote: »

In this country, we have a 'driving licence' the Americans have a 'drivers (sic) license'
In this country we call our mothers 'mum' the Americans call their mothers 'mom'

And you didn't know an Audi R8 was an expensive car but you're well enough educated to write 'the company he said he worked for was liquidated'

West Midlanders say 'mom' too (the OP's home town is Birmingham iirc).

seven-day-weekend

jaylee3 wrote: »

Fair enough 'Guest101,' But I have to say that I don't see how someone could be with someone for 4 years, live together, have a child together etc etc, and not know SOMEONE that they know. And a lot more about them than they OP appears to know. I also don't see how a person could fake their job and their friends and colleagues for that long.

It all sounds very very elaborate. Like a bad film on 'True Movies...'

I have to say also that although I don't doubt what you say 'Guest,' I don't know anyone who doesn't have at least half dozen relatives in their lives; at least a grandparent and a parent and a sibling or two, and nieces and nephews etc. And if not that, a few cousins and aunts and uncles; even second cousins. (Even if they have little contact with them...) Only having one relative I would think is the exception rather than the rule.

I know someone who until he married and had his own family, had no-one. Both his parents were only children, they both died when he was young, and then his sibling also died. It is possible to have no-one.

seven-day-weekend

barbarawright wrote: »

Birmingham to Carlisle is three hours by train. Did you really not think it odd that none of his friends came to stay for the weekend or he didn't ask you to stay in his flat?

.....and also easy to get to by car from Birmingham. Straight up the M6 and get off at Carlisle.

ManofLeisure_2

OP, I would suggest that you may wish to consider reporting the 19 people who have been pestering you. This is clearly against the rules of this forum.

moneyistooshorttomention

ManofLeisure wrote: »

OP, I would suggest that you may wish to consider reporting the 19 people who have been pestering you. This is clearly against the rules of this forum.

I hope the OP realises this is a "tongue in cheek" post and not a serious suggestion.

Those 19 people were all only trying to help - as were most of the rest of us.

BucksLady

Shelly, thank you for being honest. I'm sorry some people have been hounding you - that's not right. If you don't mind me saying - you sound so very tired and not well at all. Maybe your GP could help - a listening ear and someone who won't judge you.

Take good care of yourself xx

catoutthebag

Anyone else questioning the legitimacy of the first op?

This story happens and you turn to mse to write about it. Most would have collapsed in a nervous breakdown.

So you knew him for 4 years bit know nothing about him?
If he was a conman why did he stay with you for that time? What do/did you have that he wanted?
Seriously you never questioned anything of him? You didn't suspect porkies?
So who were the people commenting on his pictures? Fellow conmen? Fake accounts

Sorry only read your first post and it doesn't add up.