Do I hire a private investigator

TonyMMM

Shelly193 wrote: »

we do know the number plate.

DVLA will release details of car ownership on application...

https://www.gov.uk/request-information-from-dvla

It isn't difficult to come up with a "suitable" reason.

[Deleted User]

Sounds silly, but have you watched the TV show "Hunted" ? One of the most effective ways they ever found anyone was by posting a photo and offering a reward. Even £250 was enough for people to 'betray' others they'd just helped.

If you wanted to 'go big' you could ring up a national newspaper with your story; you never know, on a slow news day they might publish it

duchy

Not all children feel the need to know about their absent birth parent though. A friend's daughters were adopted. The older one who had memories as a toddler did get in touch and begin a relationship with her birthmother when she grew up- the younger one had absolutely no interest . Not in an angry way-just not interested (the girls were adopted together so have the same adoptive parents and a good relationship with them)

Not every person feels the need to connect with a missing or absent birth parent .

I do feel for the OP because there is an element of "How could you not know" or "There must be another side to the story as it is so incredible" but the reality is that most people are basically honest and don't expect a partner to want or need to create an entire fantasy. The worst thing is that these leeches leave their ladies (I will NOT call them victims) with a legacy of mistrust for future relationships which can be so damaging to their future happiness.

The reality is this kind of man is afraid of genuine emotional intimacy - and protects themselves by never making a full commitment to anyone but just pretending to. They are just emotional cowards and not worth allowing to blight your future OP.

Stevie_Palimo

Alikay wrote: »

The OP has a child with this man, though, and it is very likely that the child will want to know details of his father is when he grows up....pretty awful not to even have a name, let alone any details of his family set-up, medical history etc ( I speak as someone who didn't know my birth father either).

I know this to as I do not know my real parents, From my point of view I could not give a hoot about this and whilst others may wish to know who there parents are many will not be bothered in the slightest.


If she moves on and gets together with another guy who then helps bring the child up they would more than likely see this person as a father figure and I would say yes 75% may wish to know the real father but I also know a lot of people similar to myself that do not care less and never will.

Lily-Rose_3

Everyone keeps suggesting this woman puts this man out of her mind, and doesn't let him affect her future, and that is good advice in itself.

However, it's not that easy when she as a child with him. And also, she probably still loves him. And what is she supposed to tell the kiddie when they are older? People have talked about how people don't 'need' their birth parent, but despite people saying that, this child will more likely want to know who his father is, than not.

Also, the OP deserves money from this man towards looking after the child. Why should he be allowed to just run away from his responsibilities? She can't! (And probably wouldn't!)

I would try and put a 'MISSING' poster up too; that's actually a good idea. (With a £500 reward for information that leads to finding him.) If he has got another family/a wife etc, then at least you can get child support money from him.

I have read all of the OP's posts now, and I do think he has a family somewhere else. I also think the story sounds extreme and far fetched too, but I do believe the OP, because you do hear about this happening; not often, but yes, it does happen.

I do hope you find him, and that you manage to find peace Shelly.

BigAunty

Shelly193 wrote: »

The car was stopped on the motorway. I remember the policeman asking him to join him in the back of his car. The car is my only hope of finding him. It has to be registered to him under his real name. .

But does a car have to be registered under a person's 'real' name. I don't know the legal situation on this.

Perhaps it is owned by someone else, perhaps it is registered under one of his other names quite legitimately, perhaps it is registered to him under his 'real' name but its a name changed by Deed Poll that has no correspondence with any other aspects of his identity like a passport or birth certificate or electoral registration.

And how can you find out a car's owner from the registration? I don't know how this is done but perhaps another poster will know how this can be identified.

cuggie

just a thought, but can you not get the computer he/you used looked at (the history) to see what was inputted, what sites were visited etc ?

BigAunty

I know we've all suggested things like tracking him down with poster, with the help of a newspaper journalist, contacting organisations he may have links with or running a campaign on social media.

However, those strategies are really risky, can be humiliating, grow arms and legs, backfire. Don't do it.

Far more sensible to see if the link with the car yields any results as it is at least a much more private and direct route. Or employ a PI who can do this stuff discretely.

Part of me thinks a 'Who is this guy that lied about his identity and then abandoned my son' campaign is excellent come uppance for a guy who prides his privacy above the truth and won't support his family despite his means (if he really does have 'means' ).

However, it then remains in the public domain forever, something the child gets to hear about. Then there may be his other family that gets scarred by the publicity, who are probably ignorant about his duplicity. Far better to tell them on the doorstep rather than via the media.

Lily-Rose_3

Hmmmm, some good points. ^^^ I am afraid that a PI will cost a LOT of money though. I guess the OP could at least get some 'quotes' though, and maybe go down that route first. And think about tracking the car down. As you say BigAunty, the car must be registered with someone 'real.'

Cinny91

Do you have any photos saved from his Facebook? All I'm thinking is, you could do a drop search with them on Google and if he's put them anywhere else online it'll bring it up (hopefully another Facebook page?)

When you tried to renew his insurance, did you use a comparison website? I don't know how long they hold information for but you might be able to go back and find the details from the quote - and the address of his flat.

Hope you get to the bottom of this, I can't even imagine how it must be