Do I hire a private investigator

Mojisola

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

That prompted a thought - ie "organisation which finds missing people". Don't the Salvation Army have some sort of tracing system for missing people??

EDIT; one quick google later - and yes they do.....

But they need information about the person - and the OP doesn't even know if the name he was using was real.

BigAunty

IF the OPs ex has gone to the trouble of creating 50 plus fake Facebook friends which means setting up 50 plus email accounts, then the chances are that he is accomplished at deceit and flying under the radar, that he's been doing it for some time, that there are other victims (whoever he has been spending his 'work' time with).

For whatever reason he does it (psychological, trauma or personality issues, powerplay/gamesmanship, scamming), he will be an accomplished and experienced liar.

His empty wallet and swift exit indicates the extent of covering his tracks.

I don't think the OP will be able to track him down through the usual means (192.com, social media, electoral register, social relationships, employment connections).

Sadly this only leaves traditional media - an article in the Daily Mail or an investigative journalist - to publish a story about how he has faked his identity and abandoned all responsibility for his son. And this will be painful, public and grisly. It also requires a photo of him and I bet he tried his best not to have an image shared.

I know that everyone is hung up about Carlisle but he would have shrugged off all true connections so that might very well be a red herring and a dead end.

I would think his entire family background is a fiction, so too is the job, so too are the family. About the only thing that is fact about him is the car and that might very well be on credit and with false plates.

BTW, his presence at the car show which precipitated his fleeing from reality - was this to buy a car or is his actual real job related to motors, such as salesman, or is it just a hobby, another way that he can show off that he is 'someone' (fake missus, pretend child, fictitious job, false friends, pretend flat, bogus job)?

BigAunty

When I read over the thread, the main feeling I get is that the ex was most attached to his car and presumably its status - he cherished a thing above everything else (and even then, it might be something paid for by someone else or on the never-never, with false plates).

It's weird how his main way of trying to convince his missus to be part of his life involved her trying to arrange insurance for it (which he seems to have deliberately frustrated? or perhaps it was one of the few accidental chinks in his ID facade).

I still find the insurance renewal request thing a bit baffling - what was the point here? Apart from a means by which he can inform the OP that she's no good at a simple task or just one of his few slip ups where his fictions were exposed?

Why is this everyday task shown as such a significant thing?

duchy

For all the suggestions whether the OP carries any of them through or not.........What I hope she takes with her is the fact that this man was not normal and none of it is her fault but also that most men don't behave in this way and to not let this one sad individual stop her finding true future happiness with someone who deserves her and her child and wants to be a genuine family.

mum2one

To me it def sounds like he has a family somewhere else, and disappears for extended working periods.

For child support - you would need name, address etc - even NI number.

An example I know
The bloke lied - said house was brought from divorce setllement, no furniture as ex-wife kept it all, he just had enough money for the house, furniture on order, moved from down South to the location to be nearer extended family. Wife was at old location. Girlfriend falls pregnant very soon into relationship. he had told her he was infertile..

Truth...
Wife and him moved from down South to location so she could be near family (b4 girlfriend on scene)
Wife hadn't divorced him - she was serving a prison sentance
Seedless - he was firing on all guns
House - rented no furniture

mum2one

was he named on the birth certificate

Shelly193

Everyone will think I am dumb now. He's not named on the birth certificate. When I gave birth he was away working, he came back to see us and then went back to work. I registered the birth on my own, and as we weren't married, I could not put his name on without him there. I was given the form for him to sign so it could be added at a later date. Thinking back, I can't think why we never got around to doing it.

I can't report him missing. I don't remember if I posted this in the first page. He left me a message saying he can't be with someone who don't trust him, and to not contact him again. That was very clever, meaning it looked like he left. The police or anyone else would not treat him as a missing person if I reported it.
With all the tracing we have done, everything draws a blank. His name is common in the UK.
Someone said about his accent. There was nothing in the way he spoke that could place him to a specific part of the country. He did not have a Brum accent though.

When I tried renewing the car insurance, I never kept the details of the flat in Carlisle. It was at the beginning of the relationship. I can't remember it now, no matter how hard I try. The car was his, and not stolen. We have been pulled over by the police in it before. He was given a producer to take to the police station as he never had the documents on him at the time.
Writing that has just made me realise something. If the police had not taken him to there car to talk to him, he would have had to give his real details in front of me or they would have arrested him.

mum2one

Shelly193 wrote: »

Everyone will think I am dumb now. He's not named on the birth certificate. When I gave birth he was away working, he came back to see us and then went back to work. I registered the birth on my own, and as we weren't married, I could not put his name on without him there. I was given the form for him to sign so it could be added at a later date. Thinking back, I can't think why we never got around to doing it.


Firslt your not daft, from what you have ssaid everything seems plausiable, it might sound daft but your better off with him not being registered - that would give him parental rights.

I can't report him missing. I don't remember if I posted this in the first page. He left me a message saying he can't be with someone who don't trust him, and to not contact him again. That was very clever, meaning it looked like he left. The police or anyone else would not treat him as a missing person if I reported it.

It would sould like he upped and left...

With all the tracing we have done, everything draws a blank. His name is common in the UK.
Someone said about his accent. There was nothing in the way he spoke that could place him to a specific part of the country. He did not have a Brum accent though.

It sounds like Birmingham / Wolverhampton is an area - with what has previously said about the mom reference.

When I tried renewing the car insurance, I never kept the details of the flat in Carlisle. It was at the beginning of the relationship. I can't remember it now, no matter how hard I try.

The car was his, and not stolen. We have been pulled over by the police in it before. He was given a producer to take to the police station as he never had the documents on him at the time.


Writing that has just made me realise something. If the police had not taken him to there car to talk to him, he would have had to give his real details in front of me or they would have arrested him.

I know it sounds daft but when you were stopped, the police would have done a pnc check, did he go to the police car or was he spoken to at the car... He would have had to give his real name...

I know its hard, I'm a single mum to a 13yr old, dodgy circumstances, but we are a lot better off without him on the scene.

As others have suggested, change all your passwords, lock down any inactive accounts, also I would get a copy of credit reports, - use all of the 3 main agencies... Go through it all with a fine tooth comb.

xx

BigAunty

Shelly193 wrote: »

Everyone will think I am dumb now.
.

I don't think this is the case - the guy is clearly an accomplished liar and may well have pulled this type of stunt on others, has been practisicing wide scale deceit for a long time. You aren't dumb - you are a victim.

Shelly193 wrote: »

Everyone will think I am dumb now.


Writing that has just made me realise something. If the police had not taken him to there car to talk to him, he would have had to give his real details in front of me or they would have arrested him.

AFAIK, a person is legally entitled to give any details they like to the Police - aliases are permitted. Not certain on this, though, perhaps someone else can clarify.

Perhaps its something much simpler like he doesn't truly carry around any kind of ID with him as part of his undercover status. His empty wallet testifies to the fact that he's extremely guarded. How did he even know you'd checked his wallet? (you may have explained earlier but I forget?)

If he did have his true ID on him (more likely, just a different (or perhaps his actual) name that would have tied him to a driving licence, insurance, MOT, car ownership on him, he would have made an excuse to step out of the car and present it to the Police officer out of earshot.

That flaming car?! Is it the only clue? Do you even know the registration (although I guess the plates could have been changed)? Was he there at that car show as a visitor or was he working for a car company or exhibition space at all?

Do you have any photos of him? Did you ever lend him money or buy him expensive things?

Shelly193

There is a couple of items we have not been able to link to anywhere in the country someone here might be able to help with. On his facebook he had a picture of him sat in a football stadium wearing a blue and white striped scarf, and the seats are blue with some white seats mixed in. It's only a small stadium. I can remember seeing houses to the right of the stand he was in.
Another item is a fancy keyring he had. As long as I known him he had that keyring. It was gold, with an enamel face. The enamel part was like a black and white dart board with someone on top holding a stave. The middle was red, that is why I think it's a dart board.