Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for the groom to eat and drink on his stag do?

DigForVictory

I'm all for a last hurrah to bachelor freedom, stag or hen, but Within Reason.

Berlin, on his dime, to sop up the culture? He can go later with the missus.

Taking you lads off on an exotic pubcrawl & asking you to pay?! Pick a student town & get wrecked with the freshers. Nearer, no currency issues & there'll be less misunderstandings...

Or find a beer festival & take him there instead. Still plenty of opportunities for photos & tales, just fewer about how the Consul looked like their ulcer was playing up again.

If Herself wants you lot out of the country, I wonder what she has planned that she wants her intended to have That Solid an alibi?! Shotgun tour of extraneous relatives? Or has she a contact at the passport office to prevent your return?!
Whatever, I'd chirp my passport was out of date & the £80 or so it'd cost is too large a bite out of the booze budget so you'll take him on a tour of Milton Keynes...

macaroni

Who's idea was it? Who's arranging it? If it was the groom or bride then he should fork out for himself. If its the best mans idea then its up to him to arrange funding either between all those invited (if they agree!!) or as most other decent people would, the groom would pay for himself anyway!!.

I hate these stupid stag/hen holidays!

Petra_70

debbiesmum wrote: »

Call me old fashioned (age 62) - but what happened to the simple stag do/hen night of a meal and a few drinks at the local pub.

I am horrified at what guests/friends are expected to join in for weddings these days. So many young couples seem to lose sight of what is REALLY IMPORTANT about a wedding, ie the time in front of the registrar, minister, priest or rabbi exchanging vows. That's what matters not the number of parties/events you can organise ahead of the actual wedding.

I thought is. This is what I think of as a 'hen do' or 'stag do.' A few bevvies with your buddies at the local pub; not some fancy jaunt overseas. When did all this start? I am glad I am of the (slightly) older generation (middle aged!) So I don't have to partake in this nonsense.

heartbreak_star

If I ever get married, it's likely we'll do something silly like Go Ape during the day, then drinks and pool in the evening. Maybe a "home pamper" day/night for very close friends... Should come in <£75 for each person.

I would be horrified at asking for 3 figures and more!

HBS x

Barryfan

Your friend's fianc!e has a huge cheek expecting you to pay for all of his expenses. If he can't afford it then he shouldn't be having such an expensive stag do. I think you're being more than fair by paying for his flight and hotel. I wonder if the bride-to-be expects her friends to pay for her hen do??

JimmyTheWig

JayWalker wrote: »

Whose idea was Berlin? If the groom chose it, he should be grateful you guys are paying for any of his expenses. If he's being dragged there against his will, then you should pay. I'm guessing it's his choice.

I agree with this completely.
If the friends have more cash than the stag and they want to take him away on an expensive do then that's fine for them to pay.
But if he was part of the planning then he should join in with paying for it.

I wonder if the stag was fully involved in the planning but when his bride to be didn't like the idea (of him leaving the country for a few days without her and/or him spending all this money on himself) then he told her that it was his friends who had arranged it all. So she has, reasonably, got the idea that the friends should be paying.
If that's the case then the problem is of the stag's making by lying.

warehouse

MSE_Fraser wrote: »

My friend is getting married next year, and his bride-to-be is insistent that we should pay for his whole stag do, including all his drinks, food and other spending. We're going to Berlin, and only expected to pay for his flights and hotel. Is it fair to ask him to pay?

The stag has absolutely NOTHING to do with the bride to be. She's not bl**dy married to him yet.

He pays his way. Simples.

barbiedoll

debbiesmum wrote: »

Call me old fashioned (age 62) - but what happened to the simple stag do/hen night of a meal and a few drinks at the local pub.

I am horrified at what guests/friends are expected to join in for weddings these days. So many young couples seem to lose sight of what is REALLY IMPORTANT about a wedding, ie the time in front of the registrar, minister, priest or rabbi exchanging vows. That's what matters not the number of parties/events you can organise ahead of the actual wedding.

Totally agree with this ^^^^. I'm 50 so luckily I just missed this fad of outrageously long and expensive stag/hen "nights", which end up being a weekend or even a week away somewhere abroad.

I used to be a barmaid and I've seen loads of fabulous stag and hen nights, I've been asked to tag along to a few too. They used to consist of a crowd of blokes/girls, getting tanked up in the local, then onto a restaurant, then a club (or "disco" as we used to call them!).....no-one got arrested, no-one got into fights, the occasional stripper would turn up, (nothing too seedy, our landlady wouldn't stand for it! :rotfl:) and everyone got to the church on time for the wedding. No-one had to take out a mortgage to participate and yet everyone had a good time.

I quite like the idea of telling the bridezilla that the stags are paying for hotel, flights and sex workers, but the food and drink are down to the groom!

thebigDC

Not really sure what the wife-to-be is doing chiming in on this anyway, but it would surely be a decision to make based on the friendship group and what would usually be done (unless this is the first stag for any of you??).

persa

If a bunch of friends all go out and have a meal somewhere to celebrate something (hen do, stag do, birthday, any big occasion), it's a nice spontaneous gesture if everyone agrees to chip in extra so the special person doesn't have to pay anything. However, it should never be expected by that person. And certainly not by their OH.

This kind of gesture is fine when it comes to a meal, but an entire holiday? (Which is effectively what the stag do in question is.) Jog on.