Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for the groom to eat and drink on his stag do?

TBagpuss

I think that the Best Man, or whoever if organising the stag do needs to sit down with the people who are going and agree on what they feel as a group is reasonable, and them let the Groom know.

That could be - "we're all willing to spend up to £150 / £250 £500 each - that could be all paying our own flights and one night accommodation in a hostel in Berlin, with you paying your way and with us finding the cheapest pubs we can, or it could be all of us going out for a night on the town and paying for your drinks and meal as well as our own, or it could be a weekend in [local city] and we'll cover your room in the travelodge and your meal and entry into a club, but you'll need to buy your own drinks"

I don't think that there is a right or wrong answer as to how much or what parts of the do the 'guests' pay for, but it should be up to them to offer, not to the Bride or Groom to demand / expect.

I've been to various Hen parties - most have invovled a meal and drinks and (sometimes) a club - in those cases we've always chipped in to cover the costs of the Bride-to-Be's meal and her drinks at the restaurant, which normally adds an extra £5-£10 to each person's costs.

When my sister got married, we had a Spa Day with Dinner Bed and Breakfast . Each guest paid for their own accommodation and any extra treatments they wanted. The Bride paid for her own accommodation (which included dinner, breakfast and one treatment) and we clubbed together to cover the cost of one extra 'pampering' treatmnt for her, and also split the bill for the drinks before and at dinner, which were not included in the deal. And full deatisl were agreed in advance with all of those attending and an adjustment made for those who were not going to be drinking themselves. I think all told it worked out at about £100 each .

If I was invited to a hen party in Berlin and tild I was expceted to pay for the Bride's travel, hotel and all costs, as well as my own, I'd probably be saying "sorry, won't be able to come".

I also agree that the Bride should not be raising the issue at all with the Stag party atendees. If the issue is that she doesn't feel that she and the Groom can afford for him to pay his way then she needs to have that conversation with *him* and then he would need to expalin to his mates that they need to adjust the plans so the costs are manageable.

ETA - every Hen party I have ever been too the Bride has come expecting to pay her own way and has been told on the night that we have it covered. I've never come across a Bride who expected, still less demanded, that her friends pay for her.

onlyroz

Wow, is it really "normal" to cover the hen/stag's costs on the hen/stag night? I've never ever heard of this. Normally it's enough of a pain to cover your own costs on these hideous ego-fests.

nannaanna

They should DREAM ON!!!!!!!! When has it ever been obligatory to pay for the stag do? All the people who are going on it should be the ones to club together, not friends of whoever!!

Acremead

"his bride-to-be is insistent".


And the details of HIS stag-do have what to do with HER precisely? Sounds like you need to have a quiet word with your mate about boundary setting, before it's too late.

Surfer

He should dump the bride to be and get out as quick as possible.

*j9*

Personally I don't think you should be paying for everything. I organized my own hen do and paid my share for everything. My husband has the majority of his stag do paid for.


I went on my best friend's hen do last year and as we all had to chip in for the bride it ended up costing over £300 for a weekend in the UK!
If he's chosen the location etc he's got no right to expect anyone to pay, his wife to be sounds like a right mare!

tallgirld

Who's this bride to be? Sounds like a dictator.

Tell her to do one! Do not allow her to tell you what to do with your money.

Jordo

Chipping in any money toward the stag is the first I've ever heard - why are you 'expected' to pay his hotel and flight?


It's a lads' weekend, therefore everyone gets drinks/rounds/whatever and their own expenses, nobody goes scott free


I'd 'insist' the bride does one!

julie777

YES HE SHOULD PAY for food and drink. You have been extremely generous already!
My son's stag weekend is coming up soon and he was most surprised when the Best Man said everyone else was paying his share of the accommodation cost! We wouldn't want to take advantage now would we??????

Senseicads

I've been on a few Stag do's, the arrangement is always that we stump up for the Stag. I've been to Spain for one of the stag do's and the best man made it clear before hand that part of our cost was paying for the stag. It's just how our group do it. I can understand why it doesn't work for everyone though, it'd just feel odd making them pay though.