Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for the groom to eat and drink on his stag do?

allenkj

He's only a stag if he doesn't live with the bride-to-be, otherwise it's just a holiday with his mates.

Why would you pay for his holiday?

If he's really a stag, his married mates have enough expenses already, only the single ones should pay.

DKLS

I have never helped cover the stags costs over than paying for rounds and chipped in for the entertainment usually strippers and/or Dwarfs in the past which I have been happy to do, especially the dwarfs they are great value.

angel549

Yes, completely fair!!! You're kindly all paying for his flights and hotel which you didn't have to do. He should be grateful for that and pay his share for the rest. Weddings are always expensive for the guest (outfit, travel, accomodation, drinks, wedding gift) and then the hen/stag is an additional expense too. I appreciate it's expensive for the bridge and groom too, but it's their CHOICE to get married and pay that money. You didn't ask for it.

Stand your ground and ignore her. If he's a good friend, he will just be happy that you're all there and won't expect anything more than your company. Hope it get's sorted and you have a great time!

meknowalot-51

I've been on a few stag do's in my time and never been asked to pay for the grooms full expenses,perhaps the bride sees you all as gullable fools?You can buy him some drinks or even chip in and buy any food he wants,this has always been the expected thing to do,as for anything else, ******.This bride of his sounds like a nice piece of work,where's her hen do?Florida maybe.Personally i would stick to what's always been done and if they don't like it then tough.All it needs is for one of you to stand up and refuse then i'm sure others will follow.Just wondered........have you been asked to pay for the wedding,evening do or anything else,perhaps she'll ask a bit later.Remember,some drinks or food.

Bargain_gatherer

Can't believe that she is asking you this. Why are you paying for the groom's flights and hotel anyway, unless it was you who insisted the stag do was all that way away. Stick to Blackpool for the next one!:)

elizabethhull

When my first daughter had her hen do, she paid for a hotel meal, a Murder Mystery boxed game (that was hysterical), then we went clubbing after. As an attendee (at least I got to go to one in a lifetime!), I gave some money to the hotel to set against the bill - guests only paid for their own drinks. They bought her drinks at the club, though she only had 2 !
Second daughter had her meal/pole-dancing lesson/spa session paid for her by her 15 schoolmates that comprised her 'set'.

Though both would've been appalled at the thought of wasting money on lengthy high-jinks abroad you can see that times & customs change.

Certainly the stag do is nothing to do with the bride, except that hopefully the bride & groom would discuss the relevant dates to obviate going missing on the big day through assault/hangovers/police custody !!!!!

I hope lots of single people are reading these threads and getting some idea of the etiquette & financial nightmare that hen/stag dos & weddings can become.

It seems a shame that even close friends are apparently unable to discuss what is affordable or reasonable, so high expectations go rampantly unchecked.

britbird

Hen and stag dos are so expensive nowadays. I have organised 4 over the past few years and have always been very concious of the costs- it is about including everyone, and there are going to be some people who won't be able to come if the cost is astronomical. With my sister we travelled to Madrid. We actually did it the other way round- she paid for flights and hotel, and then didn't cover anything else when she was there. It actually worked out cheaper, as for the 3 days it only worked out with each person paying an extra £25.00. That included all meals, entertainment, taxis, gifts for the bride, games as well as various other bits and actually ended up covering a lot of drinks too! I certainly wouldn't have expected anyone to cough up an additional amount, and I think the bride in this case is being very unreasonable.

danih

We went for family orientated hen and stag nights. He went on a golfing weekend at the other end of the country with his dad and brothers, a few friends met them there - all golfing fanatics. Golf plus meals plus drinks plus a random unplanned bus party trip the details of which remain vague.

I went to Glasgow, with family members and friends. We choose Glasgow, as my sister has just started a new job there, and would struggle with costs and time to get away. His sister was also a student there, and would also have found it difficult to pay to travel anywhere.

Both of us fully expected to pay for the full cost of our trip, as we had chosen this. We were delighted then friends and family chipped in. Even friends and family who couldn't come contributed - with engagement presents. They gave what they could afford, one person, who wouldn't come to hen/stag nights, did a pound shop raid, and we got a bagful of treats.

Where's the pleasure in demanding and getting payment for stuff like this? For you or for the other person? That expectation spoils the thrill of giving for the giver, and opens up the v real possibility of disappointment for the taker then these expectations aren't met.

karlandsusan

allenkj wrote: »

He's only a stag if he doesn't live with the bride-to-be, otherwise it's just a holiday with his mates.

Why would you pay for his holiday?

If he's really a stag, his married mates have enough expenses already, only the single ones should pay.

So you think single people - who aren't able to split all the household bills with their OH - would have any more money than married ones? I think you'll find it's quite the opposite! Not to mention that the idea is grossly unfair!

zagfles

elizabethhull wrote: »

When my first daughter had her hen do, she paid for a hotel meal, a Murder Mystery boxed game (that was hysterical), then we went clubbing after. As an attendee (at least I got to go to one in a lifetime!), I gave some money to the hotel to set against the bill - guests only paid for their own drinks. They bought her drinks at the club, though she only had 2 !
Second daughter had her meal/pole-dancing lesson/spa session paid for her by her 15 schoolmates that comprised her 'set'.

Though both would've been appalled at the thought of wasting money on lengthy high-jinks abroad you can see that times & customs change.

Certainly the stag do is nothing to do with the bride, except that hopefully the bride & groom would discuss the relevant dates to obviate going missing on the big day through assault/hangovers/police custody !!!!!

I hope lots of single people are reading these threads and getting some idea of the etiquette & financial nightmare that hen/stag dos & weddings can become.

It seems a shame that even close friends are apparently unable to discuss what is affordable or reasonable, so high expectations go rampantly unchecked.

Or even worse - book one of these rip-off "wedding abroad" packages and expect people to pay several hundred or even thousand to attend!

This isn't a "dilemma". It's some arrogant bridezilla who thinks the whole world revolves around her.