People make rude comments to me because they think I am a young mother. How do I deal

Trek_girl

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It's just the way you are coming across in this thread, as being as (if not more) judgemental than those judging you by saying that people who are overweight look older, and also looking down on teen mums.

I am sorry if the perception of me is as judgemental. I never make negative comments to people and I always believe we should treat each other with respect and compassion. We all have opinions and when asked mine I said I do not think children having children is an ideal situation and I will not retract that. It is also my opinion that teenaged girls who are very overweight often look older than they are, that is all.

coolcait wrote: »

Like so many of the threads which appear on this part of MSE - genuine or otherwise - the 'dilemmas' could easily be resolved by:


- learning to say 'No'; and/or
- learning to be assertive; and/or
- learning that you can't change the way other people act, but you can change the way that you react
.

Sage words but easier said than done - if it were as easy as thinking it probably half the therapists in the country would be out of business.

coolcait wrote: »

If anyone actually makes a comment about her youthful slimness, combined with motherhood, she could tell them that she's actually 75 (and the child is in her fifties), used to weigh 30 stone, but clicked on a couple of those links that you see on Facebook....


It's worth it to see the look of embarrassed confusion on their faces as they slink away. Entertaining too.

That's a good one :rotfl:

Person_one wrote: »

Its funny, isn't it, how threads that are started so the OP can let everybody know how fantastic they are never seem to go well! :rotfl:

Curious logic there - can I see your working out please?

Petra_70 wrote: »

A grown woman - with children - in her own home - being asked 'is your mum home?'

Oh come on!!!

Women in their 30s being mistaken for a child?

Really???????

Why is this so difficult for some posters to grasp? I don't know where 'child' came into it - unless you mean someone technically under 18. I can try and track the FedEx delivery guy from last week down for you and provide a witness statement or something. Coming to the door in a tracksuit, hair pulled back, no makeup, some spots on my face probably adds to the effect.

Why would I ask for advice but then provide incorrect information as the basis of the advice?

Georgiegirl256

Trek_girl wrote: »

I am sorry if the perception of me is as judgemental. I never make negative comments to people and I always believe we should treat each other with respect and compassion. We all have opinions and when asked mine I said I do not think children having children is an ideal situation and I will not retract that. It is also my opinion that teenaged girls who are very overweight often look older than they are, that is all.
?

Fair do's OP I was maybe a little harsh on you, but it was just the way I read it that you were also judging people for looking older than their years just as you felt they too were judging you....if you see what I mean?!

I know it's easier said than done, but next time someone says something reply with something like "I know it's great isn't it? I'm in my 30's yet I look years younger! lucky me!"

Maybe I'll track down the guttering guy who knocked on my door the other month to see if he too can provide a statement along with your FedEx guy!

Anatidaephobia

This seems to be getting a bit out of hand. Everybody has different experiences and it's very easy to be judgemental about something that you've haven't experienced personally. Some people get upset by uninvited MURs, some people can't understand why that would possibly be upsetting, and others have never experienced it at all. Some people get upset by uninvited comments about their age, some people can't understand why that would possibly be upsetting, and others have never experienced it at all.

Some people do look younger than they are and obviously this thread is going to attract people like that hence why it appears like a larger number of the posters on the thread fall into that category than you would normally expect. It's hardly surprising

thorsoak

For heaven's sake - enjoy being told you look too young to have a teenage daughter (although there do seem to be a lot of those in the paper at the moment) - by the time you are my age (72) people don't even SEE you!

You'll become invisible ......

*max*

I always looked older in my teens, was handy for getting into clubs at 14. It probably comes from the fact that I'm tall and big, and blonde, and generally look very "steady". Like a statue of a fat, tall, blonde woman. I look very confident, almost scary, and I haven't aged badly (being fat actually makes you look younger!).

I will never believe that someone in their 30's looks like a 15 year old. People can look young, but not THAT young. There are signs.

System

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Ok, I'll bite! Yes, I am one of those you has mentioned that they look young for their age. As long as I can remember, I've been ID'd for everything from booze to scratch cards, I've been asked if my parents are in when someone comes to my house. My parents have always looked young for their ages (a good decade younger infact), so really it's no surprise that the rest of the family do too.

I'm not in the habit of looking in the mirror and thinking "wow girl, you look soooo young, and neither am I in the habit of making things up, why would I?

As much as I don't like the way the OP has come across in this thread, I also well believe that she looks at least a good decade younger. It's quite common for someone in their early 30's to look late teens/early twenties. I don't know why you find that so hard to believe? Jealous by any chance? *most patronising smilie ever btw!*

I got ID for a scratchcard today, personally at 28 i shall take that as a win. Though it may have been the hello kitty backpack that threw them off (or the blue hair) :rotfl:

FBaby

OP children out, there is much worse in the world and I promise you that one day the situation will be reversed. I'm another one looking young for her age always have and I used to feel a bit insulted by it so understand the feeling. It makes me laugh now though and like everyone it will now make my day if someone makes a comment that leads me to feel younger. This happened last week, went to get some iron tablets. Pharmacist explained it would be cheaper to buy over the counter than use prescription. She then added that I could keep it and still use it for 6 months in case I fell pregnant. When I said that was very unlikely at my age of 45 she said I looked 10 years younger. I could have kissed her and I did feel 10 years younger for the rest of the day!

Honestly OP what a waste of energy to get annoyed over this.

Indie_Kid

I always get mistaken for someone quite a bit younger. Apart from someone I once dated who thought I was older.

greenbee

I went out for dinner last year with a friend and her husband for her 42nd birthday. When we ordered wine she was asked for ID... TBH she still looks no older than she did at school at 14.

pelirocco

My daughter had even sometimes at 32 still has this problem , she even got married to her partner because she felt her GP treated her like she was a !!!!less teenager lol

A few years ago she and I and her 2 children (she has 3 now ) were at legoland and even I was picking up on the feeling that people were judging her (wrongly). I suggested she got a tee shirt saying Im 26 you know !!

once when she was heavily pregnant with her 2nd and toddler in tow she went to buy cigarettes for her husband and. Was refused because she wasn't old enough , we find it funny , she finds it extremely annoying