People make rude comments to me because they think I am a young mother. How do I deal

Goldiegirl

*max* wrote: »

I always looked older in my teens, was handy for getting into clubs at 14. It probably comes from the fact that I'm tall and big, and blonde, and generally look very "steady". Like a statue of a fat, tall, blonde woman. I look very confident, almost scary, and I haven't aged badly (being fat actually makes you look younger!).

I will never believe that someone in their 30's looks like a 15 year old. People can look young, but not THAT young. There are signs.

What signs?

People tend not to inspect you to closely for 'signs' when they make snap jugements about how old you think you are.

i don't doubt for a minute that you got into clubs at the age of 14, but just because you didn't experience looking younger than you are, there's no need to disbelieve what other people are saying.

gayleygoo

Petra_70 wrote: »

Really??? :huh:

I just cannot understand this at all. I am just struggling to believe that kids at school would comment on their classmate's mother's age. They're other people's mums, and most kids wouldn't give a fig. All they care about is their video games, their phones, their fave band, getting new clothes and trainers, their fave tv programme....

I don't think I have ever known any young child say 'hey your mum looks dead young. ' :huh: Especially as, (as many have pointed out,) many mothers are very young these days, so a young looking mum is not rare.

Like I said earlier, I don't doubt you look younger than your age, but I doubt you look any younger than 5-7 years younger, even if you think you do.

There are an awful lot of people on here who look young for their age by the way.

I don't think I have seen a thread before with so many people who seemingly look way younger than they are.

My daughter's classmate thought I was her big sister, as did a substitute teacher one day, for she looked at me warily as I told her who I was there for. "Well it's just that, erm... you're not her mum, are you?" she asked. I replied yes. "Oh sorry!" she said, and she admitted she thought I was a big sister (siblings not allowed to collect younger children from the classroom). My 8 year old is at my shoulder height now, so is mistaken for a younger sister easily enough I think.

I may have felt paranoid in the past, but only because of the frequent comments and actual verbal abuse and embarrassment. Maybe now I'm finally looking a little older it's not as bad, but if I go out with just the baby people often coo and smile at him, and ask me if it's my first, then seemed shocked that he's my third. They often ask their ages, and then mine. I always just say "Guess" now, as they usually don't expect to be put on the spot :rotfl:

And I've got out of several awkward conversations with charity doorsteppers who ask "Is your mum or dad home?" and I say no and they go away :rotfl:

Gigervamp

I'm another mum who had kids young and looked younger than my age. I had my first at 19, when I looked about 14.

I remember a conversation a few of us at work had when I was 35. The college girls were shocked when I told them my age and that my eldest was 16. They'd thought I was 24.

I did often get the "You don't look old enough to have a teenager". I used to reply that it was a bit of a pain when I was younger, but that I knew I would appreciate it when I got older.

I always took those comments as a compliment.

duchy

Trek_girl wrote: »

Secondly, why should their bigotry be indulged?

You've never experienced bigotry obviously.

I suspect this has more to do with how you dress and your height when all is said and done though.

Goldiegirl

duchy wrote: »

I suspect this has more to do with how you dress and your height when all is said and done though.

Not necessarily. I'm 5ft 4 inches tall, so I'm average height for a woman, and customers still took me for a work experience person even when I was wearing my work suits, up until the time I was in my early 30's


Most people look more or less the age they are.


But some people naturally look younger or older - it's not always something they are doing to make themselves look like that. They can't help the way they look or how other people perceive the way they look

thistledome

Goldiegirl wrote: »

But some people naturally look younger or older - it's not always something they are doing to make themselves look like that. They can't help the way they look or how other people perceive the way they look

OP, it could be worse - you could be this lady:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/the-internet-turned-a-guys-wife-into-a-brand-new-meme-after?bfpi#.weraaX3QzL
:rotfl:

Lily-Rose_3

Person_one wrote: »

Its funny, isn't it, how threads that are started so the OP can let everybody know how fantastic they are never seem to go well! :rotfl:

(If anybody cares, I probably look about 5-6 years older than I am, but I don't think it really matters.)

I know. And there have been quite a few, and always by newbies.

I think people who come on with a post that says 'I am so petite and pretty and cute, with eyes like a doe, and a cute little face and a little tiny slim frame, and people keep thinking I am a teenager even though I am in my 30s' are inviting negative responses, because it sounds conceited. And what made it worse, is that the OP said 'I look young and cute because I am not fat!' :eek:

I mean how insulting is that?!

greenbee wrote: »

I went out for dinner last year with a friend and her husband for her 42nd birthday. When we ordered wine she was asked for ID... TBH she still looks no older than she did at school at 14.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I know her pain, I am 52 and am constantly mistaken for my 20 year old daughter's twin sister! You can barely tell us apart. :rotfl:

I accept that some people look younger than their age, (especially the under 40s,) and when I was 39/40, I looked 31/32, and some women I know who are between the 35 to 42 region could pass for about five to eight years younger, but quite honestly, no more than that.

I have seen a few women of 45-48 who look early 30s at first glance, but then close up, you can see they're middle aged, and at least 45.

I have also met many people (all women actually,) who think they look younger, and say that they get mistaken for 10-15 years younger regularly, but they flat out don't look any younger than they are. And everyone I know thinks the same. I am not calling anyone a liar, but I have genuinely not seen anyone who looks any more than 8-10 years younger than they are. Maybe at first glance, and from a distance, but when you look properly; no, no way.

Trek_girl wrote: »

I am not saying everyone is thinking 'she is 15'. I am saying the EXTREMES where strangers have to make snap judgements and err to the side of caution have led to them questioning if I am 16 (buying a knife in a supermarket ) .

Why should their bigotry be indulged? Essentially I would be saying 'hang on, I'm not part of that group you are being judgemental about, let me quickly step out of your line of fire and you can carry on.' Someone who has taken their bigotry to the extent that they spew it at complete strangers, without context is a fool, and we all know what they say about debating with fools

Do you actually know what bigotry is?

Doesn't seem like it.

I think you need to lighten up a bit.

Lunar_Eclipse

Trek_girl wrote: »

I am not suffering from paranoia. The comments are real and even my daughter now says her classmates asked her why her mum is so young.

It's all relative. At our local infant school where my girls started school, I was an average aged parent, now I'm a "young" one and I'm not a young one!

My 13 year old's best friend's parents are both 60; we're early-mid 40's (so currently younger than they were when she was born.) All her friends think we're young, because comparatively we are.

Ignore it. Count your blessings.

FBaby

OP just remember that every words someone says that upset you for hours or days or more, they will gave forgotten all about them after 10 seconds so don't need to dwell on what to say back it will have no affect on them. Keep up with the learning to feel better in your skin, you can control how you let things affect you, you can't control what others say to you.

Lunar_Eclipse

Petra_70 wrote: »

A grown woman - with children - in her own home - being asked 'is your mum home?'

Oh come on!!!

Women in their 30s being mistaken for a child?

Really???????

This happened to my husband, when he was 32 and we had just moved into a new house and neighbourhood (with our two young children.)

Neighbours popped round to introduce themselves and when he opened the door, they asked if his Mum was home! :eek: He said that his wife had popped to the supermarket, would be home soon and could he take a message. They were my parents age and my husband had a fleece & jeans on.