People make rude comments to me because they think I am a young mother. How do I deal

*max*

Goldiegirl wrote: »

What signs?

People tend not to inspect you to closely for 'signs' when they make snap jugements about how old you think you are.

i don't doubt for a minute that you got into clubs at the age of 14, but just because you didn't experience looking younger than you are, there's no need to disbelieve what other people are saying.

I'm disbelieving the fact that someone in their 30's can look 15, yes. Bar from having a medical condition, I have yet to see anyone in their 30's look 15, in real life of otherwise. 20's, yes. Teens, no.

Lily-Rose_3

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I accept that some people look younger than their age, (especially the under 40s,) and when I was 39/40, I looked 31/32, and some women I know who are between the 35 to 42 region could pass for about five to eight years younger, but quite honestly, no more than that.

I have seen a few women of 45-48 who look early 30s at first glance, but then close up, you can see they're middle aged, and at least 45.

I have also met many people (all women actually,) who think they look younger, and say that they get mistaken for 15 years younger regularly, but they flat out don't look any younger than they are. And everyone I know thinks the same. I am not calling anyone a liar, but I have genuinely not seen anyone who looks any more than 8-10 years younger than they are. Maybe at first glance, and from a distance, but when you look properly; no, no way.

.

*max* wrote: »

I'm disbelieving the fact that someone in their 30's can look 15, yes. Bar from having a medical condition, I have yet to see anyone in their 30's look 15, in real life of otherwise. 20's, yes. Teens, no.

Hmmm, I agree. As I said in my post earlier in the thread, (that I have quoted up there ^^^) I have met/known quite a number of women who think they look much younger than their age. Yet none of them do look much younger. Some women I have known (usually 40-55 y.o.) claim that some people say they look 15 years younger, (sometimes more,) but I never hear anyone say it. It's just them saying people say it. (And as I said, they don't look any younger than they are.)

One woman I used to work with (46,) said she was always being asked how old she was, and when she said 46, people (supposedly) gasped and said 'oh my God, you only look about 25!' I never actually heard anyone say it, and nobody at work thought it either. She looked like a woman in her mid 40s. She looked her age; like the vast majority of people do!

As I said, I have seen a few people who look about late 20s to early 30s at first glance, and they are 40, but when I look closer, they look their age, or at least no more than 5 years younger. My daughter is 20 and gets mistaken for 16. Four years younger that is all. When I was 39 I looked younger than my age, and got mistaken for early 30s. But I never got mistaken for a teenager!l

I suspect what is happening with most people on this thread, is what happens with me; people think at first glance that they are 10-15 years younger, or their 25 year old offspring is 16, and then on closer inspection, they can tell the age better.

As has been said, virtually nobody looks more than 10 years younger than they are. And the idea of a 33 y.o. looking like a school kid, and people asking for her parents when she answers the door is laughable. I had my own flat at 20, and I looked 16, and I never ever had anyone saying 'is your mommy in?' when I answered the door!

People (as I said usually women) who think they look much younger remind me of a woman I saw on morning telly a while back. She was 55, and dressed like she was on the game tbh. And although she looked her age, she said people think she is 35, all women are jealous, and men cry at her beauty, and faint at her feet, and offer her the deeds to their house. :rotfl:

They took her outside the studio on the live show. She walked around for 5 minutes, and not one person looked at her or acknowledged her. Upshot is, it was all in her head. Like I suspect it is for many.

Goldiegirl

In an earlier post, I mentioned the woman I know who looks about 20 years older than her age, and when she was 30 was often mistaken for her children's grandmother.

This woman is my age(55), and a couple of years ago she went to a school reunion, and a woman in her 70's came over to her, thinking my friend was at school with her!

Do people find it as hard to believe that someone can look a lot older than their years? Or is it acceptable to look older?

Because judging by the comments on this thread, people find it difficult to cope with people who happen to look younger than they are.

coolcait

Goldiegirl wrote: »

In an earlier post, I mentioned the woman I know who looks about 20 years older than her age, and when she was 30 was often mistaken for her children's grandmother.

This woman is my age(55), and a couple of years ago she went to a school reunion, and a woman in her 70's came over to her, thinking my friend was at school with her!

Do people find it as hard to believe that someone can look a lot older than their years? Or is it acceptable to look older?

Because judging by the comments on this thread, people find it difficult to cope with people who happen to look younger than they are.

I think that it is very easy for a person to look older than they actually are: sunbeds, sun, smoking, drinking, etc can all have an ageing effect.


Some of the effect can be alleviated by the way the person dresses and have their hair styled. Or it can be aggravated by wearing old-fashioned clothes and having hair pulled back in a ponytail with grey roots showing.


There are a lot of people who look 10 or 20 years older than they actually are. Heck, they even made a TV Programme where they picked some of those people out, humiliated them, and then 'fixed' them with plastic surgery and cosmetic dentistry.


Others do look young for their age. It's possible that, at first glance, in the right kind of light, a woman in her mid-30s might look as if she were in her late teens. It's unlikely to stand up to scrutiny however.


As for believing that one looks young because shop staff ask for ID, I'm afraid that's a bit of wishful thinking. It has a lot more to do with the fact that so many genuine teenagers look older than they are!


So, the shop assistant who is faced with a female customer who looks 25 needs to check if the customer is an old-looking 15 or a young-looking 35.


It doesn't mean that a 35 year old woman has been mistaken for a 15 year old.

Indie_Kid

I remember about 4 years ago, (I would have been 22 at the time) a child had ridden into me. She then says "where's your mummy?" My response was just to laugh it off.

I know (because he asked me how old I was and then said he told me he thought I was 22) that at least one of my friends thought I was a few years younger than I am. Being rather short, (thanks dad) I'm used to that.

FBaby

There are women who genuinely look younger and there's no point in pretending it is all in their head. I know I look younger and that naturally as I hardly ever wear make up but that is more in a healthy looking way and mainly because I have no wrinkles but only maybe 5 years younger and that's when I'm not tired. One of my friends though just look significantly younger no mater what. When met through our kids (same age) and I didn't know her age for more than a year, assumed she was about 5 years younger than I so was totally speechless when she admitted her age shyly and it turns out she is 7 years older than I. She really seems younger in her looks and her ways but she never makes a thing of it.

dirtycredit

I used to look younger than my actual age and I had this awkward experience in Spain when I was at my dad's villa which has a shared swimming pool. I was about 23 but very small and pale. There were kids playing in the pool with no parents around. There was this awful kid who was huge and bullied all the other kids..and he actually tried to kick and hit me thinking I was another kid to bully!! I told him the I was 23 but he thought I was lying. I couldn't even restrain him or do anything because I'm an adult!

I found out who his parents were and had a word with them but they thought it was hilarious, laughed it off and did nothing. I had a feeling this would be the case..there was obviously reason why he such an awful brat!

Pollycat

Lily-Rose wrote: »

People (as I said usually women) who think they look much younger remind me of a woman I saw on morning telly a while back. She was 55, and dressed like she was on the game tbh. And although she looked her age, she said people think she is 35, all women are jealous, and men cry at her beauty, and faint at her feet, and offer her the deeds to their house. :rotfl:

They took her outside the studio on the live show. She walked around for 5 minutes, and not one person looked at her or acknowledged her. Upshot is, it was all in her head. Like I suspect it is for many.

I saw her too (on This Morning).

TBH, I cringed in embarassment for her when they took her oustide.
She was just simply deluded.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/watch-58-year-old-grandmother-stephanie-arnott-5939955

I wonder where the OP lives.
I can't imagine anyone saying the things she alleges are said to her where I live.

I sometimes see young girls on the bus with babies, I have no idea if they are Mums or big sisters and quite frankly I don't give a toss either way.

gayleygoo

I had the "is your mum or dad in?" when I was 25, not sure if it will still happen when I'm 33, but I might appreciate it then!

We went to a wedding a few years ago, and a middle aged woman was drunkenly insisting that my OH guess her age. He really didn't want to, but eventually gave in and carefully ventured... "er, 52?"(he thought she looked older), he was right and the woman didn't seem pleased! She must have thought she looked much younger than she was.

It's easy to tell OP not to care what other people think, but it's much harder to do in real life. Particularly when you're a new mum, shattered, low self-esteem and a new identity as a mother to figure out. How other people see you and treat you has an effect on identity, and verbal abuse or disapproval in the street is shameful as it would be in a playground. I can shrug off negative comments now, but not that long ago those comments had me full of self-doubt.

pollypenny

I didn't say I was mistaken for a child when in my 30s, but fir a teenager.

It's not beyond imagination to look 18 at 31.